Hi Reko36,
HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Well i know wht u mean girl....I've argued twice with my baby too and ours is only 15 mins girl...Well we want to get married next yr. And i really love him girl...he still has 8 to 10 yrs left so dnt feel bad girl....but i know i can do it girl. If he knows how ur temper is why do u give in? Just let him talk thts wht i do with mine...Yea but ur right it does make u think how things goin to be when he out....
*M@R!*
Hey Reko,
I know thats one of the things i will be facing and thats not enjoying much of a married life as a normal couples do but im willing to face it. The funniest thing is that I meet him in prison, I was a guard and it just happened. He respected me and never tried anythin like the guys out here did and been with him since. the good thing though is that we didnt get caught and i just quit workin there because they didnt want to change my hours because i was goin to college at the same time and well he beat up a guard and he got sent back to maxmium unit in az..but i knew that guard and he deserved it cause he thought he has the power to do whatever when he was just a guard like me...But i dont regret meeting him. Im not goin to lie hes mean but once i got to know him i fell in love w/him and i really dont care what people think abt me and him cause its my life and i know what im doin and im old enough too. People can talk all they want cause KARMA can be ***....People should just worry about their own life and family instead of talkin smack about other peoples lives..But i also wished my baby was here for thanksgiving with me and my kiddos...But i believe everything happens for a reason....
I just had to come back today, because this has not been a good day at all. I just got into another arugment with my husband about my oldest son. I have been so freakin' angry today, that I probably could chew a bag of nails straight up. Just yesterday I talked about how my husband's voice was so soothing after the day that I had yesterday. Today turned out to be even worse.My eldest son has made me so ANGRY today it is unreal, and by the time that I talked to my husband, he got mad at me because of my anger about my son, and we ended up exchanging some words. I am so tired of this. I don't even want to deal with my husband now. Even though we have some good days, our arguments are so explosive that I am thinking now do I really want to deal with this. After all these years our arguments have never been this bad, like they have been lately. It feels like he is always against me at any possible time, and like the things that I say are just apalling to the point that he is talking to me like I am really crazy. I am diabetic, and all this anger and stress can't possibly be good for me. I am trying my hardest not to break down here at work. But right now I am so numb. I don't even want to talk to my husband no more today, yet he says that he is going to call me back later on this evening. I think that there is some more arguing coming. I don't want to be bothered especially with my temper being what it is. I am so tired of everything just working against me. In no way am I telling you all this to discourage you, but I just needed to come here and vent. I feel like screaming right about now. As much as I want my family to be together and what not, it seems like it continuiously is falling down around my head. I don't even want to talk to my husband today, after wanting to talk to him yesterday. I wouldn't be surprised if someone thought that I was straight up losing it. I may be.I don't have no one to talk to and I didn't know where to turn so I came here. I can't believe that I have been in yet another argument with him today. This is the LAST thing that I needed today, as angry as I am. My eldest son was suspended for 5 days for fighting. And he KNOWS how I feel about that and the school that he goes to, which I just so happen to work at, and my youngest son attends also. So you might can see why I am FURIOUS. My husband is not out here with the things that I have to deal with and the things that I go through with other people, yet. I have had to go through things alone and stand up for myself ALONE, he sure wasn't here, and now he is going to argue with me?? I don't get it. It seems like I am always the one not doing something right. Yet I have been on my own since I was 19 years old, and took care of my responsibilities by myself, meaning taking care of my sons, and myself. They didn't ask to come here, and I have DONE my job. They are the ungrateful, simple asses now on their own accord. So once again I am arguing with my husband. Sorry for the long post, I am just so angry, hurt, and everything right now.[:'(]
Once again, my husband and I started arguing again last night.This seems to be an every other day thing now, and it is getting on my nerves. I think that I just may need a break from him, because this is becoming too repetitive. We had a good visit Saturday just passed and then last night we are arguing again. I KNOW now that we really do need some marriage counseling. Because this is becoming ridiculous. Not that I don't respect my husband's opinions, and his thoughts, but maybe when he starts that "controlling" behavior, I need to tune him out, because I don't like it, and definitely not going for it, so he might as well quit it. If we ever thought that we needed marriage counseling in the past, we now know that we need it now. He claimed that he was just playing with me, because I think that he just likes to make me mad, and get me to react. But I let it be known that I don't like to play like that. Something has to give, because we are on count down till he comes home, and that is within 6 weeks now. I don't know what else to say about that. All I know is that I am tired of it.
Yea thats my motto that everything happens for a reason...But ur right i shouldnt worry abt what ppl think abt US because its our relationship plus im the one that goin to be with him so it'll be my problem...Thats true just because ppl arent happy then they dont want you to be happy. I admire you because i've read what you and ur husband have gone through and its good to know that no matter what happens yall are still goin at it STRONG and my advice to you girl KEEP IT THAT WAY. Remember marriage will always have its ups and downs. I never been married but i lived with my babies daddy and well he died last yr. and i know hes in heaven watching over us but we always had our ups and downs so i kinda know how the marriage thing works, but i know its goin to be harder with this one because he is locked up. And my kids love him especially my daughter she even talks to him on the phone when calls. And thats true what ur husband says no matter what yall started yall gotta finish it somehow. And sorry abt yall arguing but things will eventually get better girl...And congrats cause hes getting out next yr...IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU GIRL. I will also keep both yall in my prayers cause cmon yall made it this far already why would you give up now and yall both have through the troubles and still came out of it. Like i said I ADMIRE YOU and that comes to show me that WE CAN DO IT. anybody can as long as you have the support from others and the love between US and i will keep my head thnx
Well sorry to hear that yall are arguing every other day...I think you should let ur husband know how u been feeling and you let him know not to playing like that with you..Maybe yall some time. Tell him that u are tired of arguing cause thats not a life to be arguing all the time...Just let him know how you feel abt arguing all the time. Well today i received a letter from my baby and he was tellin me that he got reclassed and that they recommend for him to stay in the maxmium unit and well i dont like that because visits are behind glass and we were just waiting for him to get to a contact visit facility but it looks like it aint happening. Kinda sad to think he still goin to be there for another year or so.I hate this and i feel frustrated because ive been wanting to go see him and now this...I know GOD does these kinda things for a reason but damn i havent seen him in so long already...Guess he'll get moved when GOD thinks its ready for us to see each other again...
You will be happy to know that we did end up talking about it. My husband made me mad Sunday, and it was almost like he wasn't taking what I was saying seriously. And that ticked me off, real bad, and that was the reason for the argument. He later revealed that he likes to make me mad, because it is a turn on for him. (How appropriate, right?) Girl, just try to hang in there, because I see my husband behind glass every weekend, and he isn't at a maximum security nothing, AND it is only for 20 minutes. Now what can you possibly say in 20 minutes?? That is probably why we have been arguing so much lately.The year will go by before you know it. I will keep you all uplifted in prayer. You are right God will get you together again, and soon. I can't wait for you to tell me that you have gone to see your honey. I will be seeing my husband this Saturday, weather permitting. They keep talking about snow is coming. So you know I have to be ready for anything.I don't have anyone that I can talk to about my situation, so always feel free to vent and talk to me, because I just may relate to what you are going through. I am trying my hardest to hold on to my sanity. I have been going through some really hard financial hardships. I recently filed bankruptcy and have been dealing with alot, so I think that is another reason I have been so quick to argue with my husband when he makes me mad. You never know what people are actually dealing with in these days and times. Writing on the blog and in these forums has actually been therapy for me...lol I will keep you in my prayers.
Glad to hear that yall did talk abt it. That it turns him on, WOW dont know what to say about that. But you should tell him that it doesnt do that for you. Really WOW i didnt know that girl. Only for 20 mins. thats not alot girl and ur right it isnt enough time to talk much just hi and bye. It really sucks on how these prisons work and how they handle things in there. If freaking sucks because I know how that works i used to be a guard but then again the visitation here wasnt all that bad. They had visits from 8 to 5 girl and no glass girl...Is he state or federal? mine is state and they are strict. And mine well he's in Arizona and Im in Texas so its like 8 or 9 hr. drive and just to go see him for 2 hours...yea that kinda sucks you know. Oh and his visits are for 2 hours behind glass cause hes in max unit and whenever he gets transferred to another prison i think the hours are from 8 to 4 not sure depends on the prison. Yea thats probably why yall argue so much because 20 mins. isnt nothing. I know the year will go by quickly as it has been going and thanks for keeping me in your prayers. I will also keep you in mine. I hope everything will go allright this saturday when u go see your husband and yea mother natural can be cruel. Well i already told my baby that im gonna go see him next year i dont care where he's at whether he's in max unit or not. I have to go see him. I know God will get us back together again and when that day happens im going to be HAPPY . Well same here girl i really dont have anyone to talk to about my situation either because ppl here think its disgusting being with someone that is in prison and i whether keep things to myself to avoid getting myself hurt. But you can do the same with me you need someone to talk to IM HERE GIRL. Ouch bankruptcy is serious. You have been going through alot i mean i would go CRAZY with situations like that. Dont worry keep your head up like you told me. It will all be allright. Yup i need someone that will keep me uplifted while im going through this. But either way girl these days how the economy is going and all everything is getting hard especially having your house and paying your bills. Its hard. I wanted to move toe Arizona to be closer to my baby but i want to go see how it really is then i'll think about it. Been thinking of going to New Mexico i love it there i've been there. So we'll see what God has for me. True this website can be therapy for alot of ppl LOL. I know it is for me because i can relate to ppl that know how i feel and they are going through it like me....Smile Girl I'll keep you in my prayers you deserve nothing but the best....
Yes, My husband is silly. When he actually told his reason for secretly making me mad at times. I did tell him that I didn't like it. He said that he realizes it and that he knows not to play with me like that.I almost wanted to laugh at his reason. Because he makes me laugh alot also even though we had been getting into those arguments. My husband is currently in a state prison. He was in federal, but he finished his federal time 8-29-08, and then they moved him closer to home in the state prison. He is 20 minutes from home, I only get to visit 20 minutes, and like I told you behind glass also. It drives me nuts, and I know that it does him also. When I visited him a couple of times at the federal prison, which was way in southern West Virginia, I was able to visit with him like 8 hours, given that it was a 5 hour drive each way, all in the mountains and what not.I got to sit right next to him, but because of how nervous we both were, we didn't hold hands or nothing. We only kissed when greeting each other and when I was leaving. He keeps telling me that he has a WHOLE lot of making up to do with me. (He don't know that he is SO right about that....lol) Yeah, I don't have no one to talk to about the things that I have gone through and endured with my husband and what not. Esp. not my parents because they don't understand it and find it apalling that I married him and behind their backs. I did that, just because of the way that I knew that they would react about him and they have acted just as I have expected.So I don't even bring up to them that I am back dealing with him. I am going to wait till he gets here. My friends don't understand, because I guess they have their own problems to deal with and isn't trying to hear what is on my mind. So trust me I have eliminated alot of them. Yes., Bankruptcy is serious, but I also NEED my money that I am out here working for, so that we can survive. I am surprised if I hadn't gone crazy myself yet.It is definitely hard out here, and the economy is definitely NOT making things better. You are right this website is definite sanity therapy for me because I can come in here and vent and what not....lol You deserve nothing but the best as well, and lifted up in prayer, that you can make it through this coming year, then it will be all over. Your angel will be right there with you!
Hey girl, how u doing? How did your visit go with your husband? Thats good that he understood about you getting mad... Damn girl LOL i wouldve laughed but then it would be kinda rude. My baby has been in state since he first got in prison. Wow girl you lucky that your husband is close to you. Heck yea girl im sure it gets to him also like it does to you. Yea 8 hours way better than freakin 20 mins. 5 hours thats not bad but mine is 9 hours girl but i see your point, but pretty soon im goin to see him no matter what. So yall wouldnt hold hands? but if yall married yall can hold hands they just have to be on the table and visable but thats over there and thats how texas is. Yea i know the only time you can kiss is when you arrive and when you leave. LOL right he does have alot to make up to you especially since you been the only one for him and you been there for him too. Well my mom knows about me and my baby and well she dont really agree to it but she tells me im old enough to know what im doing. I also told her that we are planning on getting married and well she just wishes the best for me and the kids. She also tells me if i do realize what im getting myself into and not to forget that i got kids and everything i do will affect them, i told her i understand but that i knew what im doing. I tell my dad about me getting married and he just throws me off and doesnt believe me. Well about you marrying behind their backs well im sure you were old enough to know what decisions you make because its your life girl not them. Thats true since you knew how they were going to react and they werent going to accept him oh well its your life right. Well theres certain ppl that i do bring him up but because they dont tell me anything and dont judge me and theres others i dont mention him because i know their reaction. Oh i know its hard to survive out there especially when you got kids too huh. LOL yea economy not helping at all girl...even though i cant complain gas prices going down LOL. Yea i love this website girl cause we all can relate to what we going through..Dont forget you'll be in my prayers too. Oh ive had an angel this whole time....holla @ ya later girl....
Yes, I am not good with public displays of affection, so that is why it was hard for us to hold hands. Because I was already uncomfortable with feeling like we were under a microscope in those visiting areas. When we got married, we were nice and grown.....lol I was 28 years old and my husband was 26. When we started dating I was 26 and he was 24. I don't know why I hid everything from my parents. They are both criticizers, and judgemental. They acted EXACTLY like I knew that they would. Even though my husband has NEVER hurt me nor my sons, and him and I are best friends. My sons love my husband even though he hasn't been around. My mother has a habit of still trying to tell me what to do, and I am the age that I am now. Which I hate. But I was raised with the type of respect where I let her say what she is going to say and let it go in one ear and out of the other. I rather not argue with her. So I never talk back to her, I just let her get off her chest what she needs to, even though she pisses me off sometimes. My father on the other hand is a straight criticizer, and don't know what to say out of his mouth half the time. Now him, I will argue with sometimes, esp if he pisses me off.LOL My husband has called me twice today already. He has no idea that he interrupted me while I was at work today, but I was glad to hear from him. Because I hadn't talked to him since I saw him Saturday. My oldest son went with me to see him Saturday passed and then we went right back home. It turned out to be an ok visit. Our visits now are becoming more like they are forced than anything, I think because we are bother tired and frustrated with the 20 minutes and the glass. It drives us both nuts. We were both saying today, that since his court date, Nov.21st, it seems as if the days have slowed down to a snails pace, for him to be released on February 3rd. It seems like the days are seriously dragging. Our anniversary is this Sunday coming, the 21st. Girl, 8 years......... Where has the time gone. I usually get kind of sad around this time, and believe me I am feeling it. Our anniversary is right before Christmas, and not celebrating it at all is crazy. We have yet to spend it together. I told him that today when I talked to him. He told me not to worry that he will be here for the rest of them. The economy seems to be getting worse by the day. That is also crazy. Makes me wonder now. You take care!!!!!!!!!!
Awhile back I was reading some posts about girlfriends that had problems with their loved ones, and I wrote a series of posts and blogs about this. I want to share one with you if I can, maybe it can help:
Before You Give Up On Him… There is no doubt that things can get difficult for relationships with loved ones in prison. There are two different worlds trying to exist as one, and many times both will disagree on many issues. Sometimes these issues can really strain a relationship, sometimes to the breaking point…or beyond. But I wanted to just kinda share a penny’s worth of my thoughts, in some hope that some of you will kinda look at it from another angle. I will never write a book about relationships, so don’t quote me as some expert. But sometimes when you can see both sides of the situation, it might help to lay down some understandings. First, prison and society were never meant to co exist, no matter how DOC tries to sugarcoat it. The very idea of prisons and jails is to isolate and take people from society who threaten the peace of the law abiding citizens. Granted this is indeed necessary, unless you like a lawless country, but by doing that many times we forget that every inmate has loved ones. This causes some serious strains in the relationships of wives and girlfriends to these husbands and boyfriends. Am I saying it’s the prison’s fault…well, I can’t say that with validity, but I think we can agree in part that some of the problem lies there. There are avenues for prisons to help loved ones reach the inmates, like mail, phone calls, visits and such, but with such limited access, it still creates a detachment to the inmate, and when that happens, sometimes they lose track on the fact that life moves on at the same pace as before they went in. Often times we as inmates think time slows down, and mistake the idea that when we get out after 3 years, 5 years, 10 years or longer, that our personal life will be almost the same…it does not work that way. And maybe when we assume that, we get bent out of shape a bit when we call or write or have that visit and hear that things are changing for you…but not for us. Many guys can’t take that kind of change because we aren’t there to be a part of that. If you got a new job that pays better, of course we are happy for you, but it is also depressing because we can’t be there to celebrate this positive change for you. Or, when the kids make good grades, or starts to walk, says their first word, these things are great, but at the same time depressing. Granted the good outweighs the bad, but the inmate can feel down that he wasn’t there to see it happen. He might be able to take a little of it, but as it adds up, it can create some deeper depression and frustration to him. This might come out at the wrong time if something you think is minor is mentioned to him. It might be, as the saying goes, “the straw that broke the camel’s back”. It isn’t directed totally at you, but a lot of times the inmate has no other course to vent to. You guys have prison support sites to make vents to, and get advice. Inmates don’t have that recourse. If they vent to an officer, they could lock him in seg…if he vents to another inmate, it could result in a fight. Most prisons don’t have cells, rather communal living, with the bunks. That means the inmate might not even have any private time to think things out. But when it comes out the wrong way, most times it is hard to take back. But this puts you in a situation too, because you don’t deserve to be spoken to that way. I think many of you do understand the stress he is going through, and you might realize maybe he isn’t in the perfect frame of mind, but at the same time you have a life too, and it can be stressful too. You have bills to pay, maybe kids to raise, maybe the car isn’t working like it should, and a host of other everyday problems. If you don’t pay your rent, you get put out; if the inmate doesn’t pay rent…so what? If you don’t buy groceries, you don’t eat; if the inmate doesn’t buy groceries…so what? Life in the “real world” is just that…real, and it can be frustrating too. Sometimes your loved one does not realize that, or can forget that you have a life too. Sometimes when that kinda fire hits that kinda gas, you know what happens. As I said earlier, sometimes you can work it out easily, sometimes however, you can get to that breaking point. If it gets to that point, or if you’re already there, think about this: First, back off from the problem. Think about it like a pencil, or a stick. If you bend it enough, it will break. It requires you to continue to put pressure on it to force the break. But if you stop, and lay it down, it won’t break because there is no pressure on it. Yeah, I know real life relationships don’t work just like that, but there is some point to it. If your boyfriend or husband is acting unfair, step away for awhile. Don’t try to write that letter “explaining” yourself because if you are still emotional, you might say things the wrong way, even if you are right. Or, he might mistake what you say as something else. Back off from the problem and leave it alone for awhile. A week, maybe a few weeks, maybe longer, it all depends on you. Sometimes what it might be is a “lover’s spat”, which is temporary. Second, talk about it to a neutral party. One obvious choice is here on this site, which of course this forum is full of. But also consider someone close to you, like a good friend, or family member. Sometimes talking it out with someone helps. Heck, if you have a big teddy bear, grab it, go to a quiet room and talk to it. “That sounds stupid…” Uh, yeah it does. But hey, who’s gonna know but you and the teddy bear…and HE won’t tell. (If he does, they either you’re insane or you’re in a horror movie) But seriously, there is some therapy in talking out problems, even relationships. It helps you to rationalize what has happened, and maybe come up with some solutions. If you take some time away from your loved one, it give you time to reflect on why you got in that argument. But what it may also force you to do is evaluate the value of him. Ask yourself, “do I still love him”. Many of you will jump right in and say, “of course I do”, but my challenge to you would be, “why”. Sit down and think about why you still love him. Sometimes we forget why we fell in love with someone, and remember only that we are “attached” to him. Why do you love him? When did you first know you loved him? When was the first time you looked into his eyes? When was the last time you said you loved him? When was the FIRST time you said you loved him? What was the best time you’ve ever had with him? Where was the first place you went out to eat with him? When was the last time you went to an amusement park with him? What did you say in your last letter? What did you say in the first letter? Do you see what I am saying here? If after all that evaluation you feel that he is still the one you love, the one for you, then you know deep down that you don’t want to lose him. Granted, you might not feel like that now, but every relationship has arguments, some worse than you think. You’re not the only one who has bitter arguments, and yes, some can end up in a breakup. But before you walk away from that relationship, take some time to look at the man you fell in love with. If that means not answering the phone, and not writing for a few weeks, so be it. It is worth the time off to hopefully strengthen the bond between you. In most cases the inmate does NOT want to lose his loved one, but you must understand how prison can force guys to think in the opposite of what they want. They might love you incredibly, but might also think that they are helping you if you broke up with them. They might feel that you deserve better, they might think that you can go on with your life without him. That’s what they might feel, but deep inside, the don’t want to lose you. Keep that in mind before flinging that picture of him across the room, or using his face as a dartboard, ok? It might now be the answer to your argument, but at least it gives both of you a fighting chance to stay together.
Before You Give Up On Him…
There is no doubt that things can get difficult for relationships with loved ones in prison. There are two different worlds trying to exist as one, and many times both will disagree on many issues. Sometimes these issues can really strain a relationship, sometimes to the breaking point…or beyond. But I wanted to just kinda share a penny’s worth of my thoughts, in some hope that some of you will kinda look at it from another angle.
I will never write a book about relationships, so don’t quote me as some expert. But sometimes when you can see both sides of the situation, it might help to lay down some understandings. First, prison and society were never meant to co exist, no matter how DOC tries to sugarcoat it. The very idea of prisons and jails is to isolate and take people from society who threaten the peace of the law abiding citizens. Granted this is indeed necessary, unless you like a lawless country, but by doing that many times we forget that every inmate has loved ones. This causes some serious strains in the relationships of wives and girlfriends to these husbands and boyfriends. Am I saying it’s the prison’s fault…well, I can’t say that with validity, but I think we can agree in part that some of the problem lies there.
There are avenues for prisons to help loved ones reach the inmates, like mail, phone calls, visits and such, but with such limited access, it still creates a detachment to the inmate, and when that happens, sometimes they lose track on the fact that life moves on at the same pace as before they went in. Often times we as inmates think time slows down, and mistake the idea that when we get out after 3 years, 5 years, 10 years or longer, that our personal life will be almost the same…it does not work that way.
And maybe when we assume that, we get bent out of shape a bit when we call or write or have that visit and hear that things are changing for you…but not for us. Many guys can’t take that kind of change because we aren’t there to be a part of that. If you got a new job that pays better, of course we are happy for you, but it is also depressing because we can’t be there to celebrate this positive change for you. Or, when the kids make good grades, or starts to walk, says their first word, these things are great, but at the same time depressing. Granted the good outweighs the bad, but the inmate can feel down that he wasn’t there to see it happen. He might be able to take a little of it, but as it adds up, it can create some deeper depression and frustration to him.
This might come out at the wrong time if something you think is minor is mentioned to him. It might be, as the saying goes, “the straw that broke the camel’s back”. It isn’t directed totally at you, but a lot of times the inmate has no other course to vent to. You guys have prison support sites to make vents to, and get advice. Inmates don’t have that recourse. If they vent to an officer, they could lock him in seg…if he vents to another inmate, it could result in a fight. Most prisons don’t have cells, rather communal living, with the bunks. That means the inmate might not even have any private time to think things out. But when it comes out the wrong way, most times it is hard to take back.
But this puts you in a situation too, because you don’t deserve to be spoken to that way. I think many of you do understand the stress he is going through, and you might realize maybe he isn’t in the perfect frame of mind, but at the same time you have a life too, and it can be stressful too. You have bills to pay, maybe kids to raise, maybe the car isn’t working like it should, and a host of other everyday problems. If you don’t pay your rent, you get put out; if the inmate doesn’t pay rent…so what? If you don’t buy groceries, you don’t eat; if the inmate doesn’t buy groceries…so what? Life in the “real world” is just that…real, and it can be frustrating too. Sometimes your loved one does not realize that, or can forget that you have a life too.
Sometimes when that kinda fire hits that kinda gas, you know what happens. As I said earlier, sometimes you can work it out easily, sometimes however, you can get to that breaking point. If it gets to that point, or if you’re already there, think about this:
First, back off from the problem. Think about it like a pencil, or a stick. If you bend it enough, it will break. It requires you to continue to put pressure on it to force the break. But if you stop, and lay it down, it won’t break because there is no pressure on it. Yeah, I know real life relationships don’t work just like that, but there is some point to it. If your boyfriend or husband is acting unfair, step away for awhile. Don’t try to write that letter “explaining” yourself because if you are still emotional, you might say things the wrong way, even if you are right. Or, he might mistake what you say as something else. Back off from the problem and leave it alone for awhile. A week, maybe a few weeks, maybe longer, it all depends on you. Sometimes what it might be is a “lover’s spat”, which is temporary.
Second, talk about it to a neutral party. One obvious choice is here on this site, which of course this forum is full of. But also consider someone close to you, like a good friend, or family member. Sometimes talking it out with someone helps. Heck, if you have a big teddy bear, grab it, go to a quiet room and talk to it.
“That sounds stupid…”
Uh, yeah it does. But hey, who’s gonna know but you and the teddy bear…and HE won’t tell. (If he does, they either you’re insane or you’re in a horror movie)
But seriously, there is some therapy in talking out problems, even relationships. It helps you to rationalize what has happened, and maybe come up with some solutions. If you take some time away from your loved one, it give you time to reflect on why you got in that argument. But what it may also force you to do is evaluate the value of him.
Ask yourself, “do I still love him”. Many of you will jump right in and say, “of course I do”, but my challenge to you would be, “why”. Sit down and think about why you still love him. Sometimes we forget why we fell in love with someone, and remember only that we are “attached” to him. Why do you love him? When did you first know you loved him? When was the first time you looked into his eyes? When was the last time you said you loved him? When was the FIRST time you said you loved him? What was the best time you’ve ever had with him? Where was the first place you went out to eat with him? When was the last time you went to an amusement park with him? What did you say in your last letter? What did you say in the first letter?
Do you see what I am saying here?
If after all that evaluation you feel that he is still the one you love, the one for you, then you know deep down that you don’t want to lose him. Granted, you might not feel like that now, but every relationship has arguments, some worse than you think. You’re not the only one who has bitter arguments, and yes, some can end up in a breakup. But before you walk away from that relationship, take some time to look at the man you fell in love with.
If that means not answering the phone, and not writing for a few weeks, so be it. It is worth the time off to hopefully strengthen the bond between you. In most cases the inmate does NOT want to lose his loved one, but you must understand how prison can force guys to think in the opposite of what they want. They might love you incredibly, but might also think that they are helping you if you broke up with them. They might feel that you deserve better, they might think that you can go on with your life without him. That’s what they might feel, but deep inside, the don’t want to lose you.
Keep that in mind before flinging that picture of him across the room, or using his face as a dartboard, ok? It might now be the answer to your argument, but at least it gives both of you a fighting chance to stay together.