You know I have always loved the holidays! I asked myself why because my family will work your nerves. Being in the mental health field has opened my eyes to the phenonemon that family dynamics often create specific roles. There is always someone who is going to be the realist and truth seer.
They always sit back and notice that that spirit of unconditional love seems so contrived during holidays because shouldn't that atmosphere of love exist on days other than the holiday? All of sudden, family run around gathering up their members and make extra effort. They gather up their dying, their addicts, their abusers, their darkest black sheep and pour out supernatural love for that day. Then boom! The next day many family and friends go back to detached mode almost instantaneously. This thought can leave anyone depressed. I guess people who think like this, would be watching people perform and be numbed because it all seems artificial or forced. its depressing to feel love really doesn't exist and under no circumstances can the person who feels this way 'fake the funk'.
My Aunt is one such person. My heart tries to understand her and treat her with extra care.
Well said,
I have witnessed family reach out to those they look down on or feel are not living "right", and invite them over for the Holidays. All the while feeling so proud of themselves for tolerating the urchins they have reached out to. They feel they HAVE the holiday spirit. But, as soon as the table is clean or the gifts are all gone, it is back to loathing them and pitying them.
Oh wow! A topic I really do know something about! LOL! I know why I hate the holidays... Because the man the I love is in prison..this is the main person I would like to be with during the holidays. Secondly, My brothers & I are estranged from our parents, our grandparents have passed away. We have aunts & uncles, some are homeless, alcoholics, drug addicts, and we do the best that we can to stay in touch...but when you bring them into your home to get closer or to forge a relationship, they steal from you, they borrow from you until you just give up, then when you have no more to give they finally leave angry at you for running out of patience and money to support them.
I say this because I am on my second family member I have taken in my home to help out. First was my brother..whom I finally had to kick out after 11 months because I found out he was sell pot out of my home. He refused to get a job, he never helped with not one single bill, and I spent THOUSANDS helping him get caught up on his own bills. When he left...he left my home hating me...never one thank you.
Now Im helping my Aunt, whom I asked to come stay with since the first part of December. Im trying to help her get & stay clean. But still she hasn't gotten employment, and I am supporting her. I have gotten her glasses, fed her, kept a roof over her head, even buying her ciggarettes for her. Now, Im on social security and am a widow, and have 3 teenagers...
In this situation what do you do? You dont WANT to kick them out but when you've helped all you can, and they refuse to help themselves, and start dragging you down with them...ya kinda have to kick em off your back before they drown you too.
Cin
with so much already on your plate how do you have the energy? Your too good of a woman thats for sure. But you gotta look out for you. Being nice and considerate is one thing but when you see them taking advantage of you, family or not they got to go.
You know I have found myself in a real rut... Vanentines>>>>> God,,, lovey dovey, kissy, kissy,, blah blah blah,.... I dont mean to sound so bitter but its so depressing. As im sure you all feel the same way too.
I wish my husband were here to buy me a valentines gift, card, or even just give me a real kiss. I find myself watching couples, practically glaring at them with envy as they hold hands, exchanges those sneeky smiles, and just seem to be happy. I look at them and say, wow, he isnt in prison, how lucky is she. Or I find myself praying a prayer cuz he may in some way remind me of mine and I pray that he doenst end up in the damn TDC system.
I know this will pass, as did the last set of holidays but damn, its so hard each time. You would think that you would get used to right? I have one more set of all holidays without my husband, one christmas left to muddle through. god give me the strength to endure this trial. I dont want to lose my mind out of missing him soo.. Then there is that thought,, will he disapooint me yet again when he comes home. Are all those things he is saying and promising me now bull?????? OR could he in fact be turning his life around for the bettter.. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER THAT>>>>> Or am I a fool to believe that he can change?
Today is not a good day, but like yesterday I will muddle through it and get past it,
Ya know, I hate that he isn't home for Valentines Day...thats a given. Oh and seeing couples all lovey dovey...makes me green with envy. Listening to my best friend and her boyfriend argue & bicker SERIOUSLY irritates me, especially over stupid things like who mows the dang yard. What I wouldn't give to argue over who mows the yard!!!!
I will admit to always hating Valentines Day even when he was home! He never was very good at holidays. Like last year I wanted this really expensive perfume, gave him 2 months to find it online. Well 4 days before valentines day he thought he found it online, he ordered it, it got here, it was a bar of soap. I was really dissapointed. Oh well. he tried. LOL! I have to say, I get better letters & cards NOW than I did when he was home...I never once got a love letter like THAT! Thats a good thing to know when your green with envy looking at a couple being all lovey dovey! She's gettin roses and a card for sure...but is her card as good as OURS? I BET NOT!!!! Another thing I always try & remember when I see couples is this picture a friend sent me in my email; it was this super hot guy in shorts & no shirt all glistening with sweat in the sunshine. Then the caption under the picture read "Somewhere right now a woman is tired of putting up with his sh*t!!"
So for Valentines Day, just like every other holiday he misses...I do something REALLY great for myself then tell him all about it & tell him that was his gift to me.
You know I didnt get anything for Valentines last year either. LOL,, just remember us telling eachother that everyday is valentines day for us,.... So I shouldnt be so bumbed out right?
I got a wonderful letter from him today... I think his medicine is finally kicking in and working, not a harsh thing anywhere in it. Normally they start out great then there is always one line to mess it up, but no the last few letters have been great. I get one letter a week, Every wednesday. Im greatful for that for sure.
Well on a different note, I think I may have finally gotten my property today, we took over a 264 unit apartment complex and the entire staff walked... LOL, so i get a call,,, now I may just be filling in but Im going to claim it. Its hard when you have been a manager for 15 years to get to do nothing but file and make copies of things cuz the manager there is too scared to let you do anything. Now Im a manager by title but without my own property, I just float around... but im sooooo greatful for this job.. It has helped keep my mind off of TDC and I dont stress as much. OF course the good behavior from LEo does help tremendously.
Hope all is well with all of you all too.
Hey are you on Yahoo tonight?
I was in bed by 830. LOL,,, long day..... Ill be on tonight,,,,