My fiance is highly committed to me and loves me dearly, this I know. I love him equally as passionate. We are soulmates, annd he has proposed. After all his parents, both reverends, taught him about the sanctity of marriage. Uh, yeah, that's right, just call him the American Gangster. Dude still had family values, okay? Values a convenant and declares our love will last til his casket drops! Yet, he will not be up for parole for another 5 years. I am a normal woman, but I have been celibate for 4 years.
To the point, he says that if I want or feel the need to have sex, he will accept it, but just talk it out with him first, so he won't feel like I'm harboring a relationship. He is not telling me to date, but that he would understand if I feel the need to be held and feel weak enough to go get it. He will not judge me or bash anybody, he just wants to be able to talk to me about my feelings. What?!
Well, last week a female CO grabbed him by his magic stick. He basically went off, so he says.Her breath smelled and she was unattractive. (On some prison sites, that is what all the prison hubbies tell their mates, and most lap it up like ice cream). However when I started to tell him about this platonic relationship I have with my friend Pierre, he hit the roof because he knows Pierre likes to flirt. What happened to his offer? So I gave him the same offer he gave me. Again he went ballistic and so did some of my friends. Am I being abnormal and too nonchalant in my attitude? Can men be faithful while in prison? If so it must be a small percentage. Am I imagining the stories of homosexuality, inmate w/CO relationships? This woman practically called me a fool. I am tired of these women saying they would dump their men in a heartbeat if they found out they were sexing some female while they were incarcerated. Why believe this, if you are still with him when he did it while free, and beat you, stole from you and constantly let you down, over and over again? Does having our man locked up instantly give us new standards, and infuse the offender with them? Am I wrong to say speak as if this is reality or should I say the same things so that I make us all feel like we have our stuff together. I don't have my feelings together. Hell, I am in love with a inmate, who is a hot commodity with his smoking 8 pack, and tree trunk thighs!
I know me and my female co-workers walked the halls of those prisons lusting just like those prisoners do. One day I found myself showing cleavage and I have stretchmarks. Yes, yuck! I caught myself, and corrected my stinking thinking the next day. However being a spiritual being housed in a fleshly body, I know the spirit of lust when I see it. What am I thinking, saying or doing that is wrong? Does unconditional love exist or am I missing something obvious here?
Hi Treana!
Thank you so much for replying to my post. The thing is I was being sarcastic because correctional facilities are much like every other place of employment, the people there are individually unique and many are very beautiful, just like any where else. They also do things that are ethical as well as unethical. That's why I really am amazed that the women want to believe that ignorant stereotype that all female CO's look like men and are unattractive. Realistically, those women look like you and I 90% of the time. They fall in love with our men just like we do and chose to lose their jobs for a chance at love many times. Sometimes it may be a sex thing too. I'd rather deal with that than my man finding solace in another man's arms.
The good thing is that some men, such as your husband and my sweetheart can be committed inside bars and out. I pray for their continued safety and strength. I am adding you to my list too. This is not an easy journey or task. But it is so worth it if it works out for all. Families will triumph, won't we!
Hey Nilemusiq,
What a beautiful post you wrote!
I agree with everything you wrote....best of luck to you and I hope to see you on this board often!
T
Hi NileMusiq,
I must say, I could of wrote that post! I know what hubby packs, for a white boy, well, never saw one like he has until we got together! Know how he is around other women, know how there are some men in there that would make the offer to him, really don't think he would take them up on it. I know he is missing the physical release with another, just as much as I am. He hasn't been away that long, since Sept. but I am being true to him, and plan to continue to be that way. I know what you mean, it is difficult to not let those physical feelings get the better of you. The things you mentioned, and those that just seem to float into my head, sorry, been having one of those days, insecurities on what is going on there, with him, even though he writes me, and we see each other every weekend....
You said you and your female co-workers walked the halls.....are/were you a CO?
PM me if they have this available on here, still feeling my way around, friend recommended this place over the other one. Seems more down to earth, I like that.....
Jenni
You know that is something that we definetly need to know could happen. I myself have seen CO's (not co bashing really) act real silly at visitations. I had one female CO that kept giving me diry looks and when it was time to go and he was kissing me goodbye she gave him a really hard time. HE swears he isnt doing anything, but the truth is how will i ever find out. All I can do is take him at his word and continue on my own faithful path. God sees all, so what he does in the dark will come to the light and if he is sleeping with a CO, God will reveal it. Never say never ladies, These men are locked up, dont have you to touch or hold. I would hope the could know what being faithful is but remember there is a difference with men and women, Women can be faitful because when we make love its emotional more so than pysical., Men when they cheat is purly physical. It doesnt make it right, and it doesnt make it easy to deal with. I just hope that if they are put in a situation like that they stop and think of us and say, if she can be faithful out there in the world. I can be faithful inside these walls.
ok, guys this is a subject i think we all have come across. i have been celabit since 2003. when i met my hubby i had been out of a 7 year relationship for about 2 years. since we met while he was inside, we've had no sexual contact. the guy from my previous relationship and i have remauned friends, even though we have both remarried. he has made suggestions on occasion that we have a little something on the side, since he says it's not like it was with me. yeah right, whatever. anyway i have stuck to my guns, and remained faithful to a t. but i too have asked my hubby about the inmate/co stuff and his response was "have you seen these women co's?" well yes i have and i have yet to see one i think is attractive, but then again i'm not a man, a man locked up away from ALL women. but i trust him...i have to, what other choice do i have? i have no way of knowing if he does something like that, or if he would lie about it if i asked. i know that i am faithful to him, and he says he trusts me and believes me. so what else do we do? it's the way of the world..or the prison world. we just keep on keepin on.
*VICKIE & RONNIE*
hello im only 16 (female btw) my boyfriend is doing 4 years and every time he sends me a letter i dont no what to write back it takes me atleast 3 days to think could any1 give me a idea of what i could write plz
Hi ladylove,
I am not an expert. I know when i am busy it takes me a minute to write back sometimes but sometimes i just tell him about my day, and even if it is boring, it will give him something to talk about or refer to.
Ask him how his typical day goes. Sometimes they are waiting to be asked so they can vent. So what does he like? talk to him about that.Look up his favorite team on the internet, you on't have to spend no more than 2 to 5 minutes but say something about the score. My sweetie loves it, and he will gon about the crap. Ask him to tell you stories about when he was a boy. Ok, I am running out of ideas, tell me what worked ok?
See I like your attitude! mrscooper
There is not much you can do about what you know nothing about.Whether a person is in or out, they are going to do what comes natural to them. I leave a lot of things at God's feet because I would worry myself to death.
You do have a handsome hunny! So women are going to look! So what, it is okay! faithfulness is a personal decision. sometimes it is easy for a woman to walk away from some of thes knuckleheads when your man and you have a special bond that can not be replicated. I stannd there with you. Now some men make you want to do some fantasizing no doubt. My man is in it to win it and i just love his attitude. i can respect and honor him.
Hey ronniesgirl,
The thing is there are so many opinions on this subject. The overrriding feeling i get is that our men don't want to hurt our feelings. Realistically you know those female CO's are just like us. Those are not the only females working there either Many of them are working to put food on the table. They look like us as well, some better, some worse according to the beholders standards.
There is just no way, I am going to believe that they are all ugly and our men are all fine. Nobody wants the other to feel threatened, so we all tend to put them in one boat out to sea. Your man knows if he loves you or not and he will act accordingly.
I have another fried who is in prison who says that most of his acquaitaces use women for money, but i think he also likes to toot his horn too. He has 7 pen pals so he does not feel lonely. he says God gave him a gift to be womens' earpiece, so he is not using them for company? he said the cute ones want to marry him and have his kids.
I think people put their own spin on it and of course are biased by what they see. you can see anything in there. I wasn't a CO, I was a caseworker, amongst nurses, social workers, doctors, aides and the majority of us were normal people, "hey he's handsome, we check him out, but most of us move on"
Hey there
If I'm on the wrong forum or whatever I apologise but a friend of mine has recently been incaracerated in a California State Prison and I'd like to send him a care package. I've read all the guidelines on the CDOC webpage about what you can/cannot include in packages to inmates but there are some items I'm not sure about cos I'm from scotland and the prisons here seem to be much more relaxed. The items I'm not sure about are a t-shirt, baseball cap, a book, a box of chocolates.
Also can someone tell me what a typical day is like for an inmate.....like what time they have to get up, what kind of food they get, what time lights out etc.
I'd appreciate any help with these questions and once again my apologies if I'm on the wrong thread/forum.
lol!!!!!Uh Oh! is certainly not about mail! It is filed under sexual acts. But it is quite okay that you wrote me!Hopefully, I can direct you to the Forums link up at the top of your screen in the address bar for Prison place. Then look up California under prisons.
If you find that they take those chocolates i will be so surprised. many times they wannt to make the money off of the inmate because it brings in revenue. Cocolates could have been tampered with is also most prisons' opinion.
let me know if you have difficulty still finding any information, and I will try to locate some from here. Take care of yourself oer there in Scotland. Glad to see you here. welcome to Prison Place and do come again and drop me a line or two. Good luck!
Hey nilemusique
I already checked out the california prisons forums but your thread seemed much friendlier. I'd rather just stay in this thread.
I'm intriqued that you guys have opposite sex guards. Over here it's all female in female prisons and all male in male prisons. Cos there ain't no way a female CO gonna keep her grubby mitts off some of the honeyz locked up!
lol! Thank you scotsgal, I can use a friend who understand. That is such a shame because of those men are beauty personified! I don't know if a uni-sex prison is a better situation or not. Celibacy or homosexuality, eeewww!!! I know the prisoners would say no! Want more choices! Want more Choices! Do you know that a prison has taken the stand to ticket inmates found self-pleasuring? That is abuse and dehumanization at the highest, if you don't have a hang up or religious stand against it. babies do it the womb!
Did I hear that Argentina allows the wives to go in and sleep and haveday stys and night stays with their husbands. I know i read this some time ago. They say it helps in rehabilitation, and morale. Our prisons are are embarassing mess!
We need some reform. Let's lobby girl!