Wives and Girlfriends

should i trust this guy? please help

BrandieBee — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 21:31:35 GMT

Ok I have been dating this guy for six months and he has been in prison a few time for drugs and drug related crimes. My family keeps giving me crap about it. But he has been the sweetest guy I have ever met he is gentil and he helped me get away from my ex that was trying to kill me. He has been very supportive and he is very understanding. He loves my children. He is just a real down to earth guy that would do any thing for any one. He is off parol and clean for a year. His family is the bomb and they just adore me and my kids. I guess my question is is it really possiple for people to change. Some times I have a hard time trusting if he will ever go back to his old ways of drug using. I have never dated any one like this. and my ex was a phsyco I was with him for 11 years and he is now in prison for trying to kill me and he was abusive my whole marrige. I just dont want to be hurt again but this new guy seems to be some one I would like to commit my self to and I am afraid I am going to push him away if I dont start trusting him more and not looking so much at his past. If anyone has any advise of positive stories i would appriciate it.

hey... please help

candicejaeci — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 08:41:28 GMT

how am i supposed to keep hanging on??? please go to nolaw97 and read my reply to see if u can help me.... thank u

Can anyone help me?

MRSTILLIS — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 17:28:00 GMT

Hi you guys. I am new to the whole prison experience. I just made an appointment for the first time to go see my fiance on friday the 21st. He is currently at san quentin state prison here in california. Do any of you know anything about what to expect? On the visiting hand out that he gave me it says "you will be asked to strip down to your last layer upon going through the metal detector" what does that mean? What is the visit going to be like? I know it is behind glass, but I just have so many questions and I can't find the answers to them all...can any of you out there help me? thank you!

New Forum

ronniesgirl — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 16:26:06 GMT

I would like to start a new forum for wives and girlfriends of texas prison inmates. i have been a long time member of another prison support site, but recently left it due to the polocies being corrupted. i have lots of info to share, and can bring some great people to this site. if you have a boyfriend or husband in a texas prison, please drop a line here, and let's help each other.

S.W.I.M.(Sisters With Incarcerated Men)

Aliaqu — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 05:20:48 GMT

New to the community and my partner and I want to reach out, touch and share. Glad we found you all.

New here and I juse wanted to introduce myself

SexyDiva20 — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 05:04:11 GMT

Hi! I'm new to prison place and I just wanted to introduce myself. I am a 20 yr mother of one, a 4yr old son (from a previous relationship). My boyfriend is currently incarcerated in Butner, NC at Polk Correctional Institute. I was just looking for other ladies to talk to who actually get me and where I'm coming from. Any ?'s just ask!

help

mjgonzales81 — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:14:02 GMT

i would think that i would be used to this seeing how this is the 4th time he has left to go to lock up i am wondering if anyone knows how long the have to charge some one a crime. my husband had just got out of jail from 6 months and was on teather which he violated three weeks into it and now i have a detective calling me talking about a stolen car. i feel pretty sure that he is headed back to prison seeing how he was on both probation and parole while committing crime, however he has been in the jail for a week and still no charges are being pressed at this time they are under investigation when i ask for how long i am giving the run around i know that had he not been on teather he would be released because they can only hold him 72 hours with out a charge can any one help me

New Cable Series Looking for Prisoners' Wives

PWCasting — Wed, 27 May 2009 17:11:04 GMT

Did you meet (or start dating) your husband or boyfriend when he was incarcerated? Are you tired of one-sided documentaries that portray prison wives as unintelligent and crazy? Do you want to share your story with the world? If so...this opportunity might be perfect for you.

We are now casting for a new documentary cable series about women who meet and marry (or plan to marry) their husbands while the men are incarcerated.

This is NOT a Jerry Springer type show. We are hoping to share the real stories of women who meet and fall in love with men who happen to be behind bars.

If you are interested in sharing your story with us, please send the following items ASAP to PWCasting@gmail.com:

1) Your story (please include how you met your husband/boyfriend)

2) A photo of you (and your husband/boyfriend if possible)

3) Your location and the institution where he is incarcerated

Thank you!

What happens after the visit is over?

Nolaw97 — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 23:07:34 GMT

Note to those reading, this is one of a few thousand posts I have shared on my blogs, and I hope this might be a little helpful to some of you:

What happens AFTER you leave the visit?

I KNOW I wrote an article about that somewhere around here, either as a post or on my prison blog. But since I am writing this over the weekend, it just seems kinda timely to try to put into perspective what goes on in prison after you leave the visitation area. Kinda like the “behind the scenes” of the visit.

I am reminded of a reader of my blog; a parent from Tennessee, who had a visit with her son, and was told how he didn’t like the visits. She thought he was talking about not wanting to see her, but was told by her son how painful it can be when she leaves, and he has to get back into the prison mode again.

She didn’t really understand why some guys feel bad AFTER the visit. And I actually got a few other moms, wives and girlfriends who had mentioned something like this. Lots of people just don’t really understand the mental procedure of inmates after a visit.

I want to try to share with you some things that happen after the visitation is over. Sure, you see your loved one before you go; some of you may get a hug, some a kiss, some may get to hold hands. But you look into your loved one’s eyes and maybe for a half second you see a bit of pain, just a spark.

But most times guys are not gonna break down in front of you, and not in front of the other guys in visitation either. They have to hold it in, but you don’t have to. How many of you cried on the way back to the car, and halfway home?

If it was cool for a man to cry, then the prison would be overflowing with tears. But you can’t do that in prison (at least not in the open) so each inmate has to handle his situation differently.

If you read my blogs before, you know I keep saying that I am no expert on this, and I cannot speak for any other inmate except myself, but I have seen a lot of situations after the visit, so I wanted to share some of them.

Basically speaking, there are some phases that some inmates are going to go through after the visit. If I had to list them (and I will) I would put it in this order:

Shock Reintroduction

Separation Anxiety

Shame and Guilt

Depression

Closure

Recovery and Normalcy

(if you haven’t grabbed a cup of coffee by now, you might as well do that…I tend to talk a bit on my blogs)

Now, before we get to those factors, we have to quickly set up a mental stage that some inmates might go through. During your visit, the inmate will often want to hear what YOU have to say, and what YOU are doing.

This is important, because keep in mind as an inmate we (when I was in) are surrounded by nothing but prison. We don’t get to go to the mall, we don’t get to see our grandmother, we don’t get to see the puppies the dog had. We don’t get to see the latest movie, we don’t get to watch the latest video (unless the camp has cable…some do).

In short, we miss out on everything that life has to offer. If a guy in in prison for a short time, this may not matter too much. But the longer a person is in prison, the more faded his memories are about his former life. That is not to say he forgets what a car looks like, or what McDonalds is, but he misses those simple pleasures we take for granted.

So when you come to visit, most times we want to hear everything that you have to say. This in a way brings back a lot of things that we miss, and it pulls us out of the world of prison, and back into that world we left behind.

Inside of an hour or two, being with someone you love, looking at them, cherishing every second and listening to what you have to say, time will go like a shot. And when it is over, it is over. But when it ends, your mind is still on that “real world” and all the memories you had when you were out there.

That’s when the first step comes in….shock reintroduction.

What I mean by that is something I went through. When I was in NC prisons, and had my first visit with my mom, I felt really good to see mom. When she left, I was probably still feeling pretty good…until the strip search.

After the visit, inmates are usually subject to a search. In some cases, it might be a light patdown…in other cases it can be a strip search. That is what I had.

I know it is part of the rules, so I cannot argue, but the fact that I had to strip naked was a very cold shock back into the world I was now living. I might have liked the discussions of Dominoes Pizza, or the latest movie my family saw, but all that was washed away in a second when I had to “drop em”.

I can’t tell you how EMBARASSING that is…..

But it is part of the rules; I knew I had to have a strip search, but I HATED it. It actually was one of the reasons I hated visits. I didn’t like the shock of going from feeling good to the cold snap of being back in prison.

For lots of guys, this shock is milder and quicker to realize. To some, it is like getting ice water dashed against your body unawares. And I think for me, that shock lasts from the time I have to strip until they are finished with me…

(don’t get to excited, it wasn’t like a body cavity search…)

After they are done, I put my prison clothes back on, reminding me of where I was, and I was free to go back to the dorm, or outside on the yard if it was open. It’s about that time when the second step is realized…separation anxiety.

It is about that time that I realize mom is gone home, and I get kinda lonely. It is about that time that an inmate realizes that the people they love are gone…almost…leaving them there in prison.

It’s kinda like that sad little puppy with his nose against the glass as the owner leaves to go to work. In a lot of ways, this is painful because sometimes you wonder if the people you love will ever come back…you wonder if those people you love will ever see you again.

You start to miss that person very deeply. In my case, mom was gone. She’s not coming back, even if I cried out to her. She can’t come back…the visitation is over and the prison is not going to let her back in. In those few seconds you begin to miss your loved one and wish you could buy another 15 minutes, knowing you can’t.

Now keep in mind, these steps are going on inside the inmate’s head, they are not going to act out these feelings. In all likelihood, they have to “man up” and get that tough skin back so when they get back to prison population, they will be the same guy that left there.

Let me pause here and say that somewhere around here are two short stories I wrote, one about Mothers’ Day in prison, and another called 4^th of July in prison. Both are short stories I wrote the day before the holiday, and both show a small taste of what an inmate might go through after a visit. You might want to check those out if you can find them.

But when it comes to separation anxiety, the feeling grows inside of you that you miss that mom, that wife, that girlfriend, or whomever that came to visit you. It is another painful emotion that is hard to control, which may spin into the next step…

Shame and Guilt: One of the natural responses to separation anxiety while in prison is to realize WHY you are suffering that separation anxiety. I mean, let’s be serious, it isn’t because you went off to boy scout camp. It’s because you are in prison.

You…are…a…criminal.

It’s simple cause and effect. You miss your loved ones after the visit because you are in prison. You are in prison because you broke the law and was found guilty of a crime, and thus sentenced to prison.

It’s the realization of failure, the understanding that you have failed in your life, and brought misery and sadness to many people, maybe more than you know. It is the idea that your worth in the world is no more than a couple of rocks on the side of the road.

It is at this time that an in inmate can start to feel the guilt of what they have done. And I don’t say this lightly, as if inmates never think about this. They know that the ones they love are hurting, but once you get in prison, you try to concentrate on just doing your time. And most guys can do that…until they have that visit.

Then they are reminded again of the shame and guilt of what put them there.

If left to dwell on this long enough, it can snowball into a depression. One of the better things to do is to simply DO something, maybe go out on the yard, or talk to another guy. But many inmates like to go to bed, or take a nap…which sometimes isn’t the best thing to do, because it makes your mind idle…and as they say, the idle mind is the devil’s playground.

That’s when depression sets in.

This is when guys REALLY get sick after the visit. This is when guys really know that prison sucks, and their life is crap. This is when guys “hit the wall” and need to do something to curve the depression or they are going to crack. When I had my visits, I would take a nap and put my prison jacket over my head. If I was in a cell…I would probably cry a bit. If I was in a dorm, I needed to get some rest or put on my headphone plug and listen to something…anything.

In short, we are fighting for sanity.

Every guys that has a visit misses something that is very near and dear to them, and when depression sets in, it is like the mind is paralyzed and can’t think of anything positive. This is dangerous because if you don’t do something about it, you will make a downward spiral in your emotions.

But in most cases, maybe it has to spiral…it has to hit rock bottom so that you realize that there is little you can do to change the fact that you are in prison. It is about that time where you get to the next step…closure.

Perhaps the better word is acceptance, because after the poison of depression runs its course (usually cured by some rest, some food or just some simple company), you realize that this is where you are, and where you are going to be for awhile. You were in prison before the visit started, you were in prison during the visit, and you are still in prison after the visitation is over.

Not much has changed.

And for what it’s worth, you’re still alive.

When the inmate accepts where he is, he starts to remember and acknowledge what prison life is for him, and stops fighting the “what ifs”….

You know, a LOT of you need to do that….stop worrying about the “what ifs”.

For me, after a nap or so, I realize that I can carry this 10-ton burden the rest of the day, or drop it and just live the life that is in front of me. As I mentioned, guys will either take a nap, get something to eat or go out on the yard and chat with other guys. These are the ways the inmate can get accustomed back into prison life, after being so close to the real world in the visit you had earlier.

Once the inmate can do this, he’s back in the game (such as it is) and can then move to the last step, recovery and normalcy. Simply put, this is the regular life of prison, and the focus of doing his or her time as best they can.

This might mean going to canteen, it might mean watching something on tv, it might mean a card game with a few guys, it might mean a hustle to make a few dollars, whatever he was doing before the visit, that life has to continue. He can’t worry about the mall, McDonalds, the movie theatre, the clubs or anything like that because he can’t be a part of it anyway. It’s nice to think about it once and awhile, but why punish yourself with what you don’t have?

I can sit here depressed at why I can’t take that 3 week cruise around the islands, or I can go on with life and just get some ice cold lemonade. Life goes on folks, and in prison, the best way to carry on is to do what you were doing.

When the inmate can get back into the flow of prison life, he will be ok as far as getting over the visit. To be sure, there is positive encouragement and rehabilitation when you get to see your loved one, but many inmates will have heavy hearts when you leave. But if the guys allow nature to kinda guide them, they will come back to the understanding that the memories of that visit can always stay with them, and no officer can make that go away.

So, how long would it take for an inmate to recover? Months? Weeks?

Of course not! Heck, they’ll be ok in a few hours.

At least I was. I think most inmates recover in shorter periods, especially if they get around other guys and talk about stuff. This means that even though I talked about a lot of steps, many of them are covered in minutes…maybe seconds.

In fact, they’ll recover faster than you will. While you’re driving home crying and worried about your loved one, he will very likely have already made peace with the situation and have gone back to coping in prison…

Maybe you ought to do the same. I mean, as long as he’s going to be in prison, you might as well focus on encouraging him and being positive. Heck, if you do that, he’ll be even in a better condition to cope after the visit.

And maybe, so will you.

Will he change after prison (archive blog)

Nolaw97 — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 02:44:51 GMT

Will He Change After Prison?

If I had a dime for every post I have read asking that question, or every comment, thread, email or pm I have read on this subject…well, let’s just say that Bill Gates and Oprah would be asking ME for spare change…

Just a joke folks, heck I am still mad at losing 35 cents in the stamp machine today…

I paused for a moment to check my files, because I know I wrote something like this before on a site. I wanted to pull that up and paste it here for you to read, but at the moment I could not find it, so I will just leave it be. Remember, I had two other blogs before this one, so if you are new to this blog, you missed out on many other entries that are now offline.

But the answer of that question is very simple. Will he change…OF COURSE!

He just got out of PRISON!

But I don’t think that is what you are really asking, is it? You are not asking if he will change…you are asking HOW much will he change. And more importantly, will it be a constructive change, or a destructive one.

That is the real question.

Let’s put that title question to bed right now, HE WILL CHANGE. No question at all. When you put someone through such a difficult situation as prison, he will definitely change in one way or another. It may not be the two extremes, it may well be in levels. Just as you can have two colors, black and white, there are levels between them. Even when you look at the rainbow, you see a change in colors…

How many of you remember the colors of the rainbow….remember ROY G BIV, which stands for red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet…

Just as colors have levels, or gradations, so can people when they change. With inmates, I suppose it is just the same. But how will he change? I think there are basically two levels of philosophy involved, so let us explore both.

The first is a constructive change, obviously the one we all desire…

Oh before I continue, let me throw at you that YOU also change too, just as a person in prison changes. Your perception of him proves it. The mere fact that you are concerned about his change means your previous belief in him has altered too.

But the constructive change is obviously one where the inmate comes out of prison with a better sense of wanting to do the right thing. This does NOT mean he has turned into Superman, or came out with a halo around his head. It just means he believes that as best as he can help it, he will not try to end up in prison anymore…

Did you notice what I said…I said he will try not to end up in prison anymore…I didn’t say he would stop doing wrong.

Now some of you might think this is considered destructive, not CON structive. Maybe so, but let’s also include the entire human race when it comes to doing things that are similar to this kinda belief. There are a hell of a lot of Christians out there that do the same thing every day…unfortunately I have met and dealt with some of them.

But let’s not take this to extremes. I am not saying every guy is coming out to break the law, I am saying for a constructive behavior, they are settling in their mind that prison is NOT the place for them to be, and they are going to do what they can to better their lives and those immediately around them.

And that is another problem…the idea that they have to better not just themselves, but those IMMEDIATELY around them. To me, no inmate owes a society that. Some of you might get upset with that idea, but I stand firm on that. If a man serves his debt to society, and by the judicial system is allowed to return to society, he does not owe them a damn thing.

Let’s not get confused here, because I think this is part of society’s problem. I am not saying he has to turn his back on them, because he does need to show that he is a positive part of society, but many people get this twisted in thinking that he has to serve society after he has served his time…no he does not.

I believe when a guy returns to society, he has to first better himself, then the people immediately around him. That means his family. We can include his church if he goes to one, and those he spend time with, which may include his job. He has to be a positive reinforcement to those around him, so that they can be witness that this guy is trying to better himself. He does NOT owe that to every single person in town, because if you get in that kinda situation, you will never, EVER satisfy everyone. In fact, there will be people who don’t give a damn about you anyway, but still want you to serve them and continue to prove to them that you are not a common criminal.

No inmate owes that to a person like that.

In order for a guy to reenter society in a positive frame of mind, he first has to believe that he CAN actually do better. That means he has to believe that he will be given a second chance to not just exist, but to succeed in life.

You see, a person is not wanting to reenter society just to exist, that is not the true meaning of life, to just exist. Just like everyone else, he wants to do his best, he wants to have the same chances to succeed as you do. Whether society likes it or not, he has that right if he is allowed to return to society. If not, keep him in prison.

A constructive change means that the inmate has positive goals that are lawful and won’t put anyone, including himself, against what the law says. He is looking to do the right thing, while at the same time abiding in the laws as best he can.

The key being those last four words…as best he can. He has to be allowed some slippage, not that society is giving that to him. Remember, you are asking an ex felon to change his life from what got him in prison to the exact opposite. It is not easy, and the longer he is in prison, the harder it will be. But the constructive belief says that he is going to do his best to change his life.

That also may include relationships, in fact it may be mandatory. As many people say, when a person returns to society, they need to avoid those “friends” who was with him when he got arrested, but never sent him so much as a letter while he was incarcerated. But the second he gets out, they want to take him to a party or chum it up with him, pulling him right back in those same problems.

This also goes for family and loved ones. If the ex felon is to change in a constructive way, he has to understand that the feelings of those around him are important, and should help him understand that when he goes to prison, it hurts everyone.

If a guy can manage this, and fully comprehend this while he is in prison, and put this in his heart before he comes out, he gives himself the best chance to change his life in a constructive way. That does NOT mean it will be all flowers and rainbows. It will be very difficult, and may tempt the person to stray off. Unfortunately this is where society will be ready to drop him like a hot rock. The second a felon makes a mistake, we like to act like we knew he was going to fail…almost wanting him to fail. But to be constructive, that person has to stand strong, even when things go a little off the paved road.

The destructive way is simply the opposite.

But let’s kinda understand what we are saying here. I am not saying that guys in prison are striving to become arch villains from the comic books, like Lex Luthor is to Superman, or the Joker is to Batman…

Or Gargamel is to the Smurfs (don’t act like you never seen it before)…

A destructive change can mean that the felon firmly believes that society doesn’t give a damn about him, so when he gets out, he is going to do what he “has to do” to survive. Whereas a constructive change might mean working at McDonalds for a few years to save up to do something else, the destructive change might mean selling drugs to buy that car.

This also goes for the attitude to society. A constructive change might mean the knowledge that he has to be a positive force in society, a destructive change might mean that there is complete apathy to what society expects from an ex felon.

Extend this to relationships too. A constructive change knows what he has to do to help those around him, a destructive change may follow an extremely neutral perspective; the “me first” belief.

I really believe these are the two realms people worry about, wanting their loved ones to come out constructively changed, but fearing that he may come out the opposite. What determines that change, and how can you change it to a positive rather than a negative?

Well, the strongest influences are the prison itself, and you. This is where the struggle lies, because if prison influences him more than outside compassion then he may start to believe no one else cares about him. If the inverse is true, and he sees that there are people who truly care and want him to have hope in his life, he may understand that there are people who care, and will not want to disappoint them when he returns to society.

It’s a constant struggle that will change many times in the course of his incarceration. This is why I always tell people to be positive and encouraging when you are in touch with an inmate. Whether by letter, phonecall or visit, he or she MUST know that you care, and that others care too. His life won’t be worth honoring if there is no one who cares. Inmates need to know that even though they are expected to do right when they return, they also must understand and BELIEVE that they are loved, and that whatever they still want to accomplish in life, they can do as long as they are free.

But as for how he will change when he is free…that is dependent on you and him. You guys know I can’t answer that for anyone but myself. Anyway, something to think on.

Prison Canteen (archive from my prison blog)

Nolaw97 — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 02:36:35 GMT

Prison Canteen: who’s it for?

This is another retro from one of my older writings, but it talks about something that might not mean a lot to you guys, since you are not in prison. The canteen is a very important thing to inmates, in many different ways. I actually wrote a documentary on that, actually a few of them.

Anyway, let me share this with you guys, and remind you to take me up on that free prison certificate. Email me if you want more info. Here is that post:

Canteen: Inmates or Officer's

Here is a journal about a problem many prisons may have from officers abusing their authority. In prisons there are canteens (kinda like stores) for inmates, where they can purchase the things they need and want.

Keep in mind it is called "Inmate Canteen", meaning it is for the inmates. I will grant you that officers should be able to purchase a drink or chips or snack from time to time since they are on the prison grounds, but they have other snack machines for them, not for inmates. However, this gets out of hand when officers start "breaking in line" to get what they want. It is a disrespect to inmates, who can't readily go to the neighborhood store. Anyway, here is a particular situation:

Oct 19th- Today is the perfect reason for my pushing the grievance on the canteen privileges. I wrote a second grievance on the fact that staff wasn't honoring the previous ruling. From Oct 4th to Oct 13th, suddenly the rules changed. When I met with Sgt. Spears and Sgt. Faircloth, they told me that the rule (previously ruling that officers could not cut in line of inmate canteens) was taken down Friday (13th) and they were supposed to have a meeting today (Thursday) of which this topic will be discussed.

By the way they were explaining it, it seemed like they were trying to pacify me, perhaps to get me to tear up this grievance. But I wasn't about to let them get away with it. When I asked if the results woud be in the first response, the conversation turned off, as they realized that I wasn't interested in getting my grievance destroyed (which is illegal). We ended the discussion with me not getting my grievance receipt. I'm supposed to get one 3 days after I turn one in. I'm going to ask about it today.

The problem with this situation, as I knew it was, was the previous grievance clearly points out that the canteen belongs to the inmates. For officers to blatently break in line shows no respect to the inmates that have waited patiently for their items. Today, an altercation occurred when CO Mullens cut in line to get canteen. It ticked off a lot of guys, and started a shouting in which, as I hear, Mullens said some derogatory remarks about the inmates. In the area was not one, but 3 sergeants; Bond, Dineen and Leigh. How much they heard, saw or what told to them I do not know, but I can believe they know enough. The problem is that when an officer abuses his authority for something as little as a drink or a bag of chips, it causes disharmony amongst the inmates. I hear that the officers now claim that they can do it (break in line) because the sign no longer is effective. It makes me upset to see what's going on. It's almost a clear cut case of Tyrrell taking privileges from inmates just to benefit their own officers. Granted, Sgt. Faircloth and Sgt Spears pointed out that an officer can't wait 20 minutes if he/she has other things to do, but the priority of the canteen is FIRST to inmates, not officers. Today, I'm going to ask for my grievance; Heaven help them if they "lost" it.

To anyone who has not been in prison, this is an extremely trivial thing; surely this is not important. Yet it is things like this that are so damaging to an inmate's integrity; a clear indication that officers really don't care about them. Not all officers, mind you, but the good ones are rare. Think about this; an inmate waits for their loved ones to send them some money so they can have a few snacks or needed items like razors, shampoo and the like. Because most prisons "pay out" on the same day, the lines are usually very long on payday, and inmates have to wait for a long time to get the things they need.

Then an officer walks past 20 guys in line, cuts to the front and takes 5 minutes just to order a Coke and a some "Nabs". If you've every been cut in front of at the grocery store, or know how it is to wait in a long line, they you have some feeling of how these guys feel. It is unfortunate that this happens, but I assure you it is common in most prisons like Tyrrell. It was a situation that never got resolved while I was there, especially since they shipped me out to Sanford not too long after; in fact, only a few weeks later.

Uh... don't do that

Nolaw97 — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 00:32:48 GMT

Don't do WHAT?

Don't beat yourself up on these issues.

Listen folks, I was reading some of these blogs and posts, and as a guy that has written a few thousand pages on my prison blogs, I understand how hard it can be to deal with life with a loved one in prison. hey, I have been there, so I know what it is like. I know what it is like to attempt suicide more than once, and I have seen and live how hard it is to try to get life together after you get out.

Folks, I understand how hard life can be with a loved one in prison.

But understand this, when you post or blog, your words carry containers of hope or hopelessness. I made a decision within myself a few years ago that if I posted on prison support sites, I would try to keep it positive and constructive as I could. Now, on my prison blog, I can let everything go, sharing my problems and my successes. But even when I shared disappointing situations on my blog, I always came back to build up my hope and faith. I had to, because I knew that there were people reading my blogs, looking for hope.

Who am I to sit here and make consistant posts about how miserable life is, knowing there are people looking for hope? What do I gain if I shared 10 posts about how bad life is for me now, and all the bad things going on in my life? Who benefits from that?

Uh...folks...don't do that.

The idea is SUPPORT, and any person with a loved one, ESPECIALLY this time of year, needs support. I truly understand where some of you are, and how you feel. I have shared on my blog that it was about this time when I was in jail that I attempted suicide...right on Christmas Day. But get this folks...

I didn't succeed. And there was a reason for that, which I talked about.

I talked about how hard is was for me to get my life back after I did my time, and yes, there were many pitfalls, but I also talked about the success I have, and continue to get by the support of my blogs. I talk about people who say to me "God bless you" for my blogs, and I know that by sharing something positive, I am giving people hope.

I talk about some of the tough times I had while in prison, but I also share how I was able to get through it. Not every story about prison is a dead end folks, and if you are going to make it, you have to place some faith in that. If you continue to feel down and bad, you are powerless to find a way to get through this.

You have a choice folks...to be miserable, or to build some faith by saying, "things can change"

"Things can get better"

"I am going to support my boyfriend"

"I am going to support my son"

"I am going to support my husband"

"I am not going to give up"

You have to do this folks, it cannot be an option. You cannot focus on how bad life is for you, goodness knows I have been there more than once. Life after prison isn't easy, but when I fall face down into the mat, it just seems that God lifts me back up. Any of you who has read my prison blogs knows that I gave up more than once, thinking that writing about my prison life and post prison life was a waste of time,but each time I stopped, I got emails from people asking me not to stop. I was realizing that somebody was relying on me to keep them positive.

You are no different. The words you share on prison support sites or blogs are a powerful source of energy, either positive or negative. If we all talked about the problem, there would be no faith here for solutions. We have to keep the posts and blogs about prison in a way that says, "yeah, this is the problem, but I have faith that this will change".

You gotta believe in something, right?

So if you find yourselves writing posts or blogs only about negative things...don't do that. I am not saying to ignore those things, because they are there, but faith says that even in negative situations, things can change for the better. You DO believe that, right?

TX-Open letter from Chantal Hudson, widow of Robert Hudson

UKheartinUS — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 16:46:17 GMT

Open letter to Mr Craig Watkins, Dallas District Attorney

January 16th,2009

Dear Mr Watkins,

On November 5th, 2008 I contacted you regarding Robert Jean Hudson, who was scheduled to be executed on November 20th. The nature of my letter was to seek a stay for Mr Hudson on the grounds that his trial and appeals process were far from adequate. Many people from all over the world contacted you for the same reason. However, it appears that our pleas were completely ignored. You did not even acknowledge receipt of my certified mail to you nor did you take the time to let me know whether your administration had reviewed Robert 's case or not.
Robert Hudson was needlessly executed, apparently without any consideration for his life or for our fight to save him, leaving me despairing and his daughter fatherless, not to mention taking away the life long friend of many people - a friend who everyone knew had done his upmost to gain mercy through his remarkable efforts regarding personal self development.

You have always described yourself as being "deeply conflicted about the death penaly". It would appear that the compassionate justice you were seeking went a.w.o.l when you had the opportunity to excersize your "empathetic" ways.

I'm not doubting that when you came into office you were concerned about innocent and re-formed people being executed, and judging by your allocation of personal time to the victims of Mr Sparks (who has recently been sentenced to death at your demand and with your intervention), you do have empathy for innocent people in general. However, and this is the difference between you and a person with "real" compassion and a desire for justice: you allow your political position to rule over your heart by applying compassion as a commodity to exchange with your seniors for a longer term, rather than standing tall and using it as god given virtue to benefit all... But what happened to Robin, Mr Hudson's daughter, and I being comforted by you after our loved one was executed without any consideration for our loss and after being ignored by you in such critical moments? Do you not class us as innocent human beings? If this is the case I'd like you to clarify what we ever did wrong for you to ignore us like you did or not want to comfort us through our loss. I think the reason quite obvious - you made the conscious choice not to do so to remain "respected" by the mob you depend upon for re-instatement. This was politically motivated.

Anyway, I hope you have a great new year spending time with your family, after forgetting about the ones you have left behind in the pursuit of developing your political status by ruining the lives of other good human beings without mercy or consideration.

Happy New Year Mr Texan of the year !

Chantal Rae - Hudson

Please publish it anywhere you deem appropriate. Thank you.

Coleman, FL USP1

njfeathers — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 02:20:24 GMT

Does anyone know what is going on at Coleman? They have been in lock-down for over a week and we haven't heard from any inmates.

The complex is just telling us that this time (lock-down) is going to be a long one. If anyone knows what's happening there, please post whatever information you have.

My friend is going to have eye surgery and his family and myself are concerned that we won't find out his condition.

Please, if you know what the problem is in Coleman, please post it.

Thanks

All informations about condition, heath care, mental health, jais information, …

iJails — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 07:17:33 GMT

Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} How many types of prison? Find out the answer at prison types, which offer you jails information. In prison, the prison facilities are ensured, which involve condition, heath care, mental health. And you can set your mind at rest if you know about how a jail operate and how jails are regulated, or about policy in prison, resettlement and prison staff.

Website

Please Sign Petition For My Husband, Abraham Orr

Ledda — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 22:09:27 GMT

This is a petition to persuade the Kansas Parole Board to reconsider their decision to pass Abraham Orr for another five years after he's served 15 years.
Abraham Orr is a 33 year old man incarcerated at the age of 17. At that time he was caught up in gangs but struggling to get away from that life by focusing on school. On 9/1/1993, Abe's older brother and best friend was shot and killed. Abe went into a depressive state and stopped caring about his life. On 9/18/1993 he shot and killed a man. I do not condone Abe's crime nor do I try to understand it. What I do understand and feel is that as teenagers we can all remember times when we couldn't see past our actions to what real consequenses lay aftewards. Abe is a very intelligent, compassionate, and completely different man from the teenage boy hewas 15 years ago. As an adult every year he remembers the day his brother got killed, then he remembers the day he killed another man. He continues to have remorse for both incidents and understands that the same pain he & his family felt when losing his brother, he caused that same intense pain for another family. He could've been so much more and he's trying to get a chance to show and prove this. In prison Abe has accomplished many things like mastering sign language & has taken classes towards a psychology degree. Abe has two tenage children, a son and daughter, who need him very much.
In addition, when he came up for his parole hearing the board memeber that viewed him stated serveral times how impressed he was with the things that Abe had done and the way he presented himself. It took the board 4 weeks to decide to pass him for another 5 years and a former baord memeber said that was a positive sign that the board thought long and hard on that decision. Abe has an additional sentence of 32 months to do once he's paroled so he would still be incarcerated for over another 2 1/2 years. Again this is a petition to persuade them to reconsider their decision so he can start his next sentence and come home. Oh, and if you have of a petition, or know of any petitions, I'm happy to sign them! Thank you for your support!
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/aorr

statistics say 85% of inmates who are released get divorced after release!

mrscooper — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 01:22:33 GMT

Ladies, I want to share something with you all. I dont want this to frighten you but I think that it is something that all of us should recognize and understand so that we can prevent this from affecting our relationships.

Statistics say that 85% of men divorce after leaving prison. The reasoning behind that is that fact that they are so used to be instatutionalized that they are not able to cope with the ideas of the free world. The wife or girlfriend gets independant and now takes care of home, kids, bills, car, even minor and in some cases major repair work around the house. We become independant because we have no choice. Its like being a child and having to grow up really fast in order to make it in life, due to difficult situations.

Its not that we dont want our husband to take over, its just that we are programed to be the mother, father, care provider, financial suporter, etc.

Men also have a hard time letting that wall come down. Let me explain that. When a man goes to prison he has to pretty much shut down emotionally. he can not allow his emotions and thoughts of home to linger in his mind too much. We as women, have eachother to talk to and console one another, but our men in prison, can not trust anyone. They surely cant show emotions such as crying cus they miss us, they will marked as being weak minded and then they are tried. So that wall that they have built up is going to be slow coming down. You need to really be patient with him. Give him time to readjust and please dont pressure him too much to do to much. Dont expect him to want to come home and be around a crowd of people immediatly. He needs to slowly come back into the world that he has left behind so long ago.

I learned this at a marriage seminar that I took last week and I must tell you that it was eye opening to say the least. It is not enough to get those few hours a week to keep your marriage together. It takes so much more than that and please dont fool yourself to believe that this statistic doesnt include you. 85 is a large number. That could be me, you, or the next person, so we have to be prepared and know how to handle our men when they come home. With gentle words, and loads of patience.

Memiors of an Inmate's Wife - BLOG

Treana — Thu, 22 May 2008 17:52:16 GMT

I hope many of you who frequent this website have been following the blog written by an Inmate's wife. If so, you know her husband was finally released before last Christmas....now he was re-arrested!

My heart goes out to her....

http://prisonplace.com/blogs/memoirs_of_an_inmatez_wife/archive/2007/10/23/memoirs-of-an-inmatez-wife.aspx

I'm new here, but I have been surfing through here for some time

jala_bug — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 19:49:42 GMT

Well my name is Lea. I have been with my more or less hubby for 15 years on and off. He was sentenced to a five yr sentence in 2004. Today is his 2nd parole hearing and I know nothing about how it works. All I know is that they told him at his last hearing that if he completed his drug program they would give it to him this time. But it took him a while to get into it, and is almost done but not quiet yet if you know what I mean...? But anyways I just wanted to say hi to everyone, and I feel your pain. But just so you know; you have one more person standing beside you in this battle. But anyways I am going nuts here today, so all that will say a prayer. And keep your fingers crossed. So this is a little bit of my life.

~~~~~Lea Loves Stephen~~~~~~

parole hearing today

jala_bug — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 19:25:30 GMT

My boyfriend, well he's more than just a boyfriend. He has a parole hearing today. What I am wanting to know is how long do they have to tell you yes or no? He has been in for 4 years on a 5 yr sentence. I still haven't gotten a call from him today, so I am going nuts here.

Tea Party

poodlesnc — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 18:06:44 GMT

There is currently a movement to contact legislatures and various other officials about the need for immediate help to allievate problems within the prison system. Our home page is 21stcenturyteaparty.us Please visit out site and sign up.

Frozen Feelings

FreeJP — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 21:00:02 GMT

Frozen Feelings For many people, the Holiday season is a time for excitement and happiness. This is when families are "supposed" to join together and enjoy the warmth and comfort of being surrounded with love. However, for many people, this "family love" is not so warm and comfy. There are other people who look at the Holidays as a stressed-filled time full of disappointment, anxiety, and sadness. But why? If we are typically encircled by family and friends during this festive time of year, why would some people feel depressed? Oh, the reasons are endless.

Marriage seminars in TDC prisons

mrscooper — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 04:40:52 GMT

Does anyone know what the marriage seminars are like. Im going to the lynaugh unit on friday throu sunday. I was told friday evening is for the wives and then saturday for both of us and sunday is the renewing of the vows... IF anyone has any inside input on what to expect that would be great.....

thanks

Documentary Show for Women's Entertainment (We)

BNE — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 19:51:18 GMT

I am a Documentary Producer for Women's Entertainment (We) and we are working on a show called "Secret Lives f Women". We are working on an episode about female gangs members and their experiences. I stumbled on your site today and I am hope to find someone who has a great story who would like to talk with us and possibly be on our show. We do not want to force anyone or persuade them to say anything they do not wish. We can even hide their identity if necessary....Of course we would love to speak with someone who is open. We are also looking for Female Police Officers or Experts who specialize in gangs and gang activities.

I greatly appreciate any info you may be able to give me. I can be reached at Jason@BIGGHUDD.com or 310.704.3815

Best,

Jason Huddleston

Grieving Through the Holidays

FreeJP — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 21:00:36 GMT

Grieving Through the Holidays The loss of a loved one (friend or family) is difficult to deal with, but with the holidays coming up, coping becomes even more challenging. Christmas songs are playing on the radio and in stores, people buying gifts, and sounds of laughter are all reminders that there will be at least one less person to find a present for, one less person to share the enjoyment of this 'merry' time of the year; and one less person whose voice and laughter will never be heard from again.