Regional Forums

Journal of an Inmates Wo-man

NileMusiq — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 02:29:55 GMT

We have journals from Inmatez wife and an Inmate, so I thought I'd put me out there since this experience has really emphasized there is strength in numbers. I feel like Prison Place is a perfect avenue because of the quiet dignity that permeates its atmosphere. Having a loved one in prison, turns your life "upside down" as my baby says. He is right. I had no idea that it was going to be so difficult.

My story is a little different because I met my lnmate after he was incarcerated. So why would I willingly allow my life to be turned upside down by a convicted felon who is currently in prison for five more years? After knowing him for almost 2 years, he has asked me to marry him. My answer has been a delayed yes. Many people think women like me have low self esteem. See http://marriage.about.com/od/questionsanswers/a/prisonmarriage.htm This report describes the characteristics of women who love and marry men in prison. It's not pretty. As for me, I am 2 classes away from a Masters degree and I strive to become the best me I can be. I am proud of me and I have put one child through college without the help of a mate. My family thinks I slink below me. They refer to inmates as those "prisoners", and believe their solitary time in prison enables them to become masterminds and expert manipulators of womens' hearts and purses. I believe I was clotheslined!

I can not actually believe that I have fallen in love with an inmate! It's bad enough to date some of these so called men out here. Is it real love? Time will tell, but what this man gives me is worth the risks of possibly failing and/or finding out if this is the real thing. True Love, anywhere, is hard to find and even harder to keep. I am hoping that this journaling will help me and others like me to work through this kind of trial and come out stronger. Let me tell you a little bit how I got here.

Several years ago, a family friend went into prison for a weapons charge. Our correspondence was mixed up during his transfer and one of my letters went to another inmate with the same name. By the time I straightened it out, my address had been passed around several times and waiting. By the time my address got to the fourth strange inmate, I lost it! I wrote this man the most sarcastic letter and told him I was going to take him to school on the short bus. "Tell me why do you think a woman would want to have a relationship with a prisoner? You can't do nothing for me!" Which made him blow a gasket because many inmates who are in prison are illiterate, or attended some form of special education classes. He apparently went to the dayroom telling them about the female canine that spoke to him like he was less than a human. Intrigued, my man overheard him and asked if he could write me. it took me six months to return a letter, yet he kept on writing and finally got my attention. So we became friends, and later a romance grew.

Now that my love for this man is growing, I have learned so much about me. He says he repeats things to me because I have a tendency to gloss over things. Then he states he puts things on my plate in small bite sized pieces so that I can understand the gravity of what he is asking me to do, and that is love him unconditionally. Like an idiot, I thought what was happening was so exciting at first. Little by little, I am recognizing the emotional turmoil that having a loved one in prison brings to your everyday life. This is not easy or for the faint hearted as one woman told me. Running to your mailbox becomes a major focal point in your life. You worry and have many fretful nights. You truly begin to understand what this is going to cost you. Is it worth it? It feels like I have met my soulmate! So again, only time and will tell. I want to take my time and find the right path for this relationship. Our growth as individuals must accompany our growth as a couple. Can a woman truly find love in a stranger who is incarcerated? I am willing to take a risk and find out since this man has made me feel closer to him that I have to any other man in my life. We all know in and out, you can be lonely in a crowd full of family members and strangers.

Today, my 30 year old niece had a stroke. She is not married and has no children. Thank God, she survived. Life is precious and there is power in using the choice to pursue true happiness no matter what others think. You never know how long you may have. So I deserve to pursue, share, and express unconditional love and find pleasure in doing so. We all do. As I share my journey with you, I open myself up and welcome any comments you have concerning this plight, good or bad. I am committed to do me whatever may come. You also help me and others by sharing your stories too. They are a great source of comfort. What do you think?

I call myself An Inmate's Wo-Man? Because for the first time in my life, I feel like I am this man's, my mate's rib. He's my best friend. We are one. Without him, I feel like a part of me is missing. Having no control over this, leaves you with a sick feeling. Sometimes. Knowing God has blessed you drives you everyday! Without him, I'd be one lonely soul in a crowd of friends and family.

Husband Cheating while in Prison...I want a divorce ! LONG POST

got2luvme — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 16:17:49 GMT

Well..... My husband and i have been married for almost 4 years now , we have a 6 year old son together.....but our relationship is a mess !!! From the day we got together it has been nothing but chaos just to give you snip bits... he cheated on me and had a child with another woman at the same time I was having our child so.... my son and the other woman son are ONLY 4 moths apart !!! I forgave him and I took him back ..... then he cheated on me with her again and I caught them having a "family time" on Newyears day during his "family time" escapade he didn't come home for 3 days !!!! No call Nothing and he wouldn't answer my calls....anyway I forgave and took him back....then he cheated on me with some other woman and gave me a STD !!!!......I forgave him and took him back !!!....he needed to get his immigration paperwork sorted out and I did but the paperwok and case has been drawned out during the years because I became reluctant to help him because i felt like I was being used; I am the one who paid for all of the lawyer fees and paperwork to begin with , I never stoppd the process but during my times of doubt everything would be put on pause. Anyhow, Finacially he couldn't help me because he didn't obtain his work permit and to me it always seemed a non priority for him to me because cheating with other woman and running streets was more important !

So now....he has been arrested and has been in jail for 4 months now for a drug charge, and while he was arrested a immigration hold was placed on him so he has a huge problem, because he may face deportation in fact his immigration lawyer said he will definitely face deportation if he is convicted because it's a felony drug charge !!!! So my husband ask that I get him a private attorney for which I did the attorney charged me a $5,000 retainer fee for which I've paid $3,000 of so far my husband said that he would not take the case to trial and that it wouldn't have to go to trial because of the situation anyway , the DA set his bail for 75K at the bail hearing because he said my husband was a flight risk , so I tried to see if his family could help out with a bondsman but noone could ! So that left me once again to take car of everything by myself, but I've been so financially drained over the years my resources were no way near what was needed !!!! So he had to stay in jail and on the next court date they offered him 6moths and 5 years probation which would have been a steal to the average person charged with this alleged crime However that isn't the case with him because like I said he is not a Citizen he doesn't even have his green card yet and the funny thing is he had AOS court date in August which he missed because he has been incarcerated sine May 1, 2009 .... this angers me ! Getting back... he refused the plea deal offered because he would have been automatically deported which he may be anyway, so he decided to take it to trial On August 28, 2009 they indicted him on felony c possesion of a controlled substance and his next court date was set for November 27, 2009 but before that time they will probaly offer him another deal, and if he doesn't take it he will go to trial which will open another can of worms because the lawyer will charge another $5k for trial and I've have been having a hard time paying off the first $5k !!! I've always been the one to support our family I have 16 year old son from a previous relationship and a 6 yr old with my husband and I've been the backbone of everything and everyone!!!

I am very fustrated now because ther has been a few things that have ocurred since his incareration...for one I was not the first person he called when he got arrested , he called his friend so that they could pick up his property because he had somethign to hide from me which was probaly a cell phone ! He got arrested once for driving with a suspended license and when he called me i went down and picked up his property for which I fournd a cell phone that he was using to call women , esepecially this one particular young lady who he previously exchanged intimate text messages with and who's calls along with others cramed the call log ! Anyway after not calling me first, I take off form work have my sister drive me from Brooklyn where I live to Westchester county court for his arraignment on;y to find out that it was a remand and bail was too high !!! But here is the blower......I also found out that his car was seized during the arrest !!!! Let me tell you whay this is blower ..because he had this car for years but the insurance was cancelled on it because his sister insured it therfore he couldn't drive it , it was parked in a garage for like the last 2 years while he drove my 2006 honda CRV around the world with out putting gas or anything into it !!!! So it;s was a complete blower to me to find out that he was driving the car expecially since I sold my car in Novenber 2008 because payments were a hassle and I din't have a car for a while and I asked him to let me insure the his acr that was parked and noone used and drive it until I could get my own but he wouldn't he wanted me to give him my money to ket him insure the car and wanted me to make the car insurance payments every month !!! Long story short he insured the car himself in March 09 and was driving it ever since and hid it from me !!!! I couldn't believe it !!!!!!! so the days when i had to walk our son to school in the cold becauseI didn't have a car he had one but was hiding it from me !!!!!! Anyway after learning all of this in court while my sister witnessed it and she tooo thought he didn't have the car on the road I was FURIOUS !!! Needless to say I forgave him so the following tuesday I took off form worrk and went to go surprise him with a visit but i was the only one to be suprised because it turned out that he had just got off a visit with his "female Friend" WOW How disrepectful was that He wasn't even locked up for two weeks and already starting CRAP!! Any way I was angry for a ciouple of days but I got over it and continue to help him running around to different places trying to help him out and spending money that i don't have and taking the bus , train to the plane from brooklyn to westchester county prison just to see him , then my son started to feel neglected becaue on Saturdays i would leave him with my mom to go and see my husband I would leave @ 10 and arrive the jail @ 12:45 to 1pm only to visit for a hour and leave for the return journey to my moms to pick up my son and I wouldn't get there until 6 pm sometime so the whole saturday would be shot and On sundays I would have so many errands to run and chores to do beause this was my only free day because I work Monday to Friday i didn't have any time for my kids so I told my husband I will come and see you twice a month and he got upset and angry and tried to make me fell guilty which didn't work just made me angry because he is so selfish & manuplitive !!! Anyway last night he said that I treat him worst than an enemy !! How the hell is that ???? Mind you I have been the one putting like $75.00 a week on the globtel acct so that he could call and i spent even more when he first got there , and leaving him money when i could and bringing all of his packages, court clothes books , pajamas etc. and sending him packages through I-care direct , and paying his immigration and criminal lawye, lokking out for him financially when he needed and taking care all of other responsibilites he couldn't handle and also accepting and buying little things for his other son when he couldn't and just overall loving him after he has constantly gave me his ass to KISS !!! WOW I can't believe it ! I asked him who came to see him this past saturday because I couldn't make it because My family had a BBQ for me because my birthday is tomorrow and he told me "you didn't come right ?" WOw I was taken back then he said I'm going do what I have to do and you can come whenever you get a chance so I said what does that mean and he said he goign to have whoever visit him meaning his women because I can't come there every visit !!! WOW

Please share you opinions with me.

Ex-California Prison Guard Released New Book

StandingAlone47 — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 07:47:55 GMT

An ex-Correctional Officer just published his new book called The Green Wall. I just finished reading this book. It is an outstanding book that I would recommend for all readers. I purchased my at the following link.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/imageviewer.asp?ean=9781440140594

so very new to this..

hesdrop — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 15:44:11 GMT

hello friends

my boyfriend has jus left the men central jail and is heading to delano prison...i belive hes been there before however this is my first time going thur it with him in prison.county is one thing but now prison...omg..i wanted to no if theres anyone who has a loved one there to and can help answers my questions and concerns please....real talk pls...thank you

5 years with out him............

5yrnoparole — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 00:24:41 GMT

he as been gone since march 2009 just just got sentenced late oct. 2009. they judge say that he can use his time served but 5 yrs is a long time..i dont kno what to

I just want some INFO!

afragosa — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 17:55:43 GMT

I'm depressed, pregnant, and trying to figure out how to do this with my husband locked up right now. how do i go see him, write to him, etc. i live in NYC and he is currently in Ulster Correctional facility. help please?

is there anyone who has a love one in ulster correctional facility

chik07 — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 15:39:24 GMT

I will like to know how is it there..can anyone tell me

does any one know bout JC jessup correctional in maryland

5yrnoparole — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 01:42:46 GMT

trying to find out what kind of place it is and do they let people out early.......

URGENT help needed

3000miles away — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 16:23:16 GMT

Hi all, hope someone actually reads this...... Anyway here go's......

I started to write to an inmate a while back now, started as just friends, but as time went on,... well I guess I dont need to go on with any details, All I need to say is that I am traveling over 3000 miles to come visit him. Sadly, i contacted the Prison he is in ( FLCI) to ask some details about travel to and from the facility. These queries were answered in a very unusual manner for a proffesional. He said, I dont know where the nearest hotels are, r the name of nearest Airport?????? So as you may of guessed I am getting closer to my visit with him YET STILL NO IDEA as to where to stay when i get there, I am looking to be in WI for 4 weeks over xmas so i can get as many visits in as possible. As 18 hours flight prevents me from going each week as i would like to.

SO here is my plea..... can ANYONE tell me the nearest place ( area/location) to stay near FLCI in Wisconsin? And also, seen as I JUST got my UK driving licence I am not allowed to hire a car when I come to America, well not for 2 years anyway, So, can i get to the Prison by Public transport? or Cab?

I have all times and regs for vists from the person I am visiting, but no one seems to think about popping info on there such as Hotels, restraunts, Bus travel etc.... OK OK so maybe not many folk travel from UK to visit, BUT when we do, we still need assistance in details, OR am i REALLY asking the powers that be to much??lol

I look forward to your help

Kind regards

3Thous miles away

Time to start talking

Trishaborg — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 20:12:09 GMT

Hi my son has been in Fort Dodge corrections for almost 2 years he just got turned down for parole. All because he could not finish his last treatment of anger management because they do not offer it at Fort Dodge. He is appealing this decision for just that reason. If the appeal does not work he will not be eligible for parole till March of 2010. He told me that his sentence will be up in August of 20010 and he might as well stay. any advise of what I might be able to do to help him?

Thanks Trisha

Sad Mom new to here

sadmom — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 15:50:01 GMT

I am a sad mom. My daughter is in Lawrenceville prison.Is there anyone familar with that one.?

It is two and a half hours away and I can't visit my baby.

Anyone know anything about HIGH DESERT STATE PRISON???

shovonee — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 07:37:47 GMT

Hi to all my new friends. I say friends because no one in my life has any idea what I am going through with the love of my life and in prison, and a 3 year old daughter that misses him so much and doesnt deserve this. Ricardo is at HDSP and has been there now for about 2 weeks. I am so new to this and I am beginning to feel numb over him being gone because it is soooo hard. He is only gone until may 14th 2010, but still it is very hard. I am looking for people who would like to become friends and share their feelings about this difficult time in their lives rather it be your son, hubby, boyfriend, cousin, or anyone it is that is locked up. I feel so alone and just want to meet people that understand this horrible feeling of lonlyness and sadness, Anyone is welcome to email me and I will reply to all. Thank you for reading this email, and I hope to make new friends soon!

Shovonee Titus

beeville,texas any one???

sugarbabie — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 03:34:16 GMT

any one got someone in beeville? my brother there and i need some help finding things out any help ????

Husband left me after coming home in 2005! Living with someone, and having a baby! Now what?

Kate3809 — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 01:27:22 GMT

Hi all,

I was directed to this site after searching prisone relationships. I found a blog and it really helped me to understand how my husband might felt. I believe he was not committed to the relationship, I just thought he respected me more than what he showed. We been separated since march of this year and I found out in July he and the person he is with is having a baby. We got married in 2001 in jail, I knew him since I was 17. i am 37 now he is 42. The other woman is 27. He did 16 years in jail. He made me feel like I should not have married him in jail. He treats me so bad and all I ever wanted since knowing him was to be with him and have his baby. We have no children togther, I have three girls, he has one daughter from his first wife. I have been praying and trusting god to work things out. I believe we are getting a divorce and I wish things did not get far the way it has but he has not wanted to speak and work things out peacefully. I had to get a order of protection because he threatned to come take things out of the house he feel only he purchased. I later drop the charges to not send him back to jail and I dropped the order protection case. I still care for him and hope he finds himself and god brings him to the end of himself. I am not perfect, but I loved my husband the best I could, my only thing was giving him more than I gave myself or God. I lost who I was with him and now I have to find me. Any advise will be appreciated.

Beaumont Medium

JanLutich — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 00:15:45 GMT

My brother is incarcerated at Beaumont Medium with a 10 year sentence. He writes about people getting killed right in front of him. Seems like cruel and unusual punishment, above and beyond his sentence. Any ideas on how to help him: either survive in that environment or get out of there?

HOW DO I FIND MY SISTER IN LAW????

trixie girl — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 06:39:49 GMT

I AM TRYING TO FIND MY SISTER IN LAW...I THINK SHE WAS TRANSFERED TO THE CALIFORNIA INSTITUTION FOR WOMEN IN CORONA CA. I CANT FIND ANYTHING ON HER....HELP

can I get a courtesy visit if I live in l.a. @ jamestown???

SINNERSCHRISSY — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 19:35:07 GMT

I am bringing my son to meet his dad for the first time the grand parents are also going they are approved I'm not I also have a criminal history discharged from prison can I get a courtesy visit???or will I get arrested??

HI help??

ade — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 08:46:44 GMT

My boyfriend was just sentenced here n Arizona n how long can we visit him??? Its called Lewis Steiner unit

Prison Pen Pals

Carol1 — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 00:02:40 GMT

My Grandson is in prison in Florida. He is just 18 and the first offense. He got 3 years and 3 years probation. One cousin and I am the only ones writing to him. He really wants mail. Are there any sites that provide legitimate pen pals?

Please Read

TiffanyVerduzco — Wed, 06 May 2009 03:54:25 GMT

Im new to this whole thing. My soon to be husband just got 50 years. Im freaking out and have a tone of questions. As of rite now he's here in the Orange County jail. We are NOT married yet. How far can they send him. Where will he go. How long will it take for me and the kids to find him? Is everything going to be okay? Should we marry now wall he's still close or should we wait? Please help

visiting tallahatchi in mississippi

calimom51 — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 03:52:23 GMT

Im planning on visiting my son in bout the 2nd week of aug..if any one has any info for that prison..Id appreciate anything you know about it...thanks

Information, what is the 411

cmmyres — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 20:55:41 GMT

I am totally new to this. My son is at the Adirondack facility, just got there. What is the proceedure. I want to know from someone's or visitors expreince, how does the system work, he'll be there for a minute.

Thank you

Peace nd blessing!

i am going crazy

wilwen — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 17:01:50 GMT

i cant stand it anymore, i am to the point of anxiety and dispair. i love my husband and he will be released in june 2009 but i feel like we are two different people. if he wasnt such a selfish ass<#$% he never would have went to jail. he was so addicted to drugs and was robbing places that i just didnt care anymore what he did and i stuck by him through it all and now i have gotten ill due to the stress. and i am not even excited about his release date, it is just a time , a short time before he does this stuff all over again and i am left with two small children taking care of everything and being the adult about the situation. can someone help me. everyone says give him the benefit of the doubt people change, but i just dont know.

Anxiety at State Prison

sbrown — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 02:55:40 GMT

My friend is at Charlotte Correctional Institution and I seen him for the first time last Sunday and I went both days this weekend. We are now going to see were this takes us. He told me today that the night before I come he has anxiety really bad through the night that he cant sleep.... I was wondering if this is normal or if maybe he feels scared. I dont know.... I cried when I left him today and was sick in time will that go away?

RIDESHARE INFO

JAYBO — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 20:05:48 GMT

I HAVE A LOVED ONE IN KVSP AND WAS WONDERING IF ANYONE KNOW S OF A BUS SERVICE OR VAN WHO GOES TO THE PRISON FOR A FARE, PRIVATE NOT GREYHOUND? I WOULD BE LEAVING FROM THE LOS ANGELES AREA.