PrisonPlace General Comments

Re: it's been three years----does the pain never stop?

waitingonhim — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 00:06:40 GMT

I feel your pain Martha, I really do!! When you love someone so much, it hurts to not be able to make things better. But in our situation all we can do our best one day at a time. And gosh, isn't it funny when times get hard people drift away. It really amazes me. I often want to vent about it. But I try not to let others steal my joy. Even though time does get the best of me, I have to stop and think of my husband and It makes my life seem easier. But we have to keep our heads up cause our loved ones need us so much!!

My husband also has two children. And he misses them so much!! And bless their heart. Every child needs both of their parents, no matter what. I have always believed that. But my husband hardly ever gets to see his kids. And I know that has to tear at his heart.

And when it comes to people on lock, there are people that do not think twice and judge them and do not even care what it was that got them there. Or what it takes to help them back into society so that they do not go back. But as much as I worry about what people think sometimes. We have to put that aside cause the love I have for my husband no one can take that from me or change the way I feel for him. He needs me as much as I need him. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistake...yep...no one is perfect. So, let people think what they want to, I love my husband.

I have also been treated with disrespect a lot of times when I have went to visit. Which burns me up. And I shouldn't let that crap bother me cause I never want them to steal the joy of my visits with my husband. But hey, we are only human. And we have to forget that cause what is most important is our loved ones!!

And I have heard of people getting 10 and getting parole the first year. Like nolaw said it depends on things like behavior once you are locked up. Sometimes they can get into programs and things like that. I know it is difficult. But hang in there. And if you ever need to talk. I try to check in daily it helps me a lot to come here where others are in the same shoes I am in.

I hope the best for you too and all the others with loved ones on lock!!

Re: it's been three years----does the pain never stop?

Nolaw97 — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 03:55:10 GMT

Hi martha, as a person that has done time, I truly understand what you are going through, and your son as well. There is so much that can be said about what an inmate goes through, but often times society looks at the skin of the subject, not willing to understand that the person in that prison is still a person. Many of them have families they would love to see or hear from but often times as time passes, those bridges are closed or burned.

It's not easy, to be sure, which is one of the reasons I blog and write on prison issues. Even after abut 5000 pages, there is still so much to be said. But in what I try to write, I try to share that even in the worst of times we have to still believe. I say this to you,and all moms with children in prison, it is critical for you to stay as positive and encouraging as you can. Many times you are the last line of defense for a person that has little to hold on to. You are often the their only link to the outside world, and it often times can keep them sane.

As far as parole in five years or so...don't give up on that. Sure, it is easy for others to say that he may be turned down because it may be a formality, but I say to you to plant some faith in something going your way. There are things that can help a person get parole sooner, from constructive letters about the person and from those outside of prison who care about him, from the good behavior the inmate has while in prison and many other things.

I know it sounds like I am blowing a lot of sunshine, but trust me, sometimes when things are dark, you need to find light to focus your sights on. I know you can do it, you have stood by him this long, and I can tell you truly love your son. So hang in there, ask questions, email somebody if you need answers or somebody to talk to. Don't give up on this. Does the pain stop after 3 years...yes it can, but only when we start to focus on putting faith in a better tomorrow, rather than looking at the damaged past. Hang in there ok?

it's been three years----does the pain never stop?

martha — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 02:35:30 GMT

sorry ive know message..but im not dealing well tonight, thinking of my son...i just needed to release some mother's tears.

so many people who said they where friends, and even family..have just drifted away. it's almost as if my son never existed to them.. out of site out of mind.

i know my son hurts, i see it in his eyes on visits. hear it in his voice when he calls me every morning for 15 min. we talk of weather. his bass guitar. my health....but always he wants infromation of his son now 15 and his daughter now 13.wants pictures. but his wife refuses anything. she devoriced him his first year in. im not allowed contact with the kids either.....

do people realize these men and women behind the wall. bury their faces in the pillows at night trying to mute the great racking sobs and heart breaking pain. do they not know they long to be held? know guess not! people drive by the prisons with out a thaught.

do those same heartless people realize----that every one on the street is maybe a moment away from doing something that may put them behind those sharp razor wires?

my son will be 40 in nov. i'll be 67 in jan. he got 10 to 20 maybe parole in five? but then they tell me the prison most always turns down first parole????? i understand nothing of the way the system works.....all i know is the prison here in neb. has hateful staff. they are there to put in their hours to get that pay check and state benifiets.

oh i could go on and on and fill a libary on the poor shabby hatefull way our loved ones are treated.

the food, the medical care. the bagering of the guards. the lack of school and job training to help when they are released. the out rageous prices in the canteen for food and clothing.

sorry about all this hate but it helps me cut the pain for the time that i ***.

i hope any and all who have a loved one in lock-down the best. love that person of yours and do not judge or dwell on the sometime silence they sit in.....these loved ones of ours are not the same people we knew when they went in. but they are still our sons and daughters . husbands, fathers,mothers. wives. sisters and brothers, aunts and uncles.... and friends.LOVE THEM---LOVE THEM and LOVE THEM SOME MORE.

GOD- bless all......martha [a mother waits]