Hi all,
I was directed to this site after searching prisone relationships. I found a blog and it really helped me to understand how my husband might felt. I believe he was not committed to the relationship, I just thought he respected me more than what he showed. We been separated since march of this year and I found out in July he and the person he is with is having a baby. We got married in 2001 in jail, I knew him since I was 17. i am 37 now he is 42. The other woman is 27. He did 16 years in jail. He made me feel like I should not have married him in jail. He treats me so bad and all I ever wanted since knowing him was to be with him and have his baby. We have no children togther, I have three girls, he has one daughter from his first wife. I have been praying and trusting god to work things out. I believe we are getting a divorce and I wish things did not get far the way it has but he has not wanted to speak and work things out peacefully. I had to get a order of protection because he threatned to come take things out of the house he feel only he purchased. I later drop the charges to not send him back to jail and I dropped the order protection case. I still care for him and hope he finds himself and god brings him to the end of himself. I am not perfect, but I loved my husband the best I could, my only thing was giving him more than I gave myself or God. I lost who I was with him and now I have to find me. Any advise will be appreciated.
There is much that can be said here, and to be sure there are lots of factors, many not so encouraging, but I say to you that sometimes when things look grim, we have to find something encouraging to hold on to. Lots of times when things look their worst, we are told by others to prepare for the worst, and act on that. We've all been there and we have all acted on situations based on the worst cace scenario. There are a lot of things to speak about in this situation, and I am sure there are others here that can add valuable words of direction.
It would seem to me that you came to the site looking for help, not condemnation, so this is not the time to speak ill of your husband, since I don't have a right ot do so...after all, nobody is perfect. I put myself up to judge him since I don't know him at all, but I will side with you because you are seeking some sort of solution to the problem.
I have seen many guys that did time and when they got out, would turn away from the women that supported them through the worst times of their life. Not every guy does this, but many do. Yet some of those guys, after a period of time, realize that they should never have walked away from a relationship where a person gave their all to him. Again, not every guy realizes that, some do. Some don't realize it until they mess up and end up back in jail, then they are calling their old girlfriend or wife to try to make amends.
But one thing that you may want to focus on is the true depth of your marriage with him. IF you discover that he is the man you truly love, the one you married and the one you wnt to spend your life with, then take those thoughts in prayer. Too many times we try to answer things by how we see things, and sometimes the answer has to come from a higher power. I mean, that is your husband, so fight for him....not physically, but spiritually.
Again, there is much more to be said on this, and I believe that there are others here that can speak on better experience than I. I can talk about the mentality of an ex felon, and prison relationships, but I can imagine that there are others here that can add more than I. But if I had to add anything, it would be to spend time in prayer to see where your heart lies. Do you want him back because you love him, or because he is your husband...a trick question to be sure, if you think about that. I do hope you can get through this, I can imagine how difficult this can be for you right now.