Finding Comfort in Prison…inside and out Late night blogging folks, hope you don’t mind… (edited from my original blog) And that brings me to the title, how do you find comfort in prison… and out? This has a few sides to it, because obviously, most of you can’t answer the “inside part”. In fact, many of you may have that question yourselves. How does an inmate find comfort while in prison. Is it even possible? Well, if you go on the notion that nothing is impossible, then you’ve already answered your question. But ask me that, and I can say, from experience, yes, you CAN find comfort while in prison. And that might upset some novice reader who thinks that every inmate should suffer without mercy. I actually DO get some readers that think they are entitled to watch every inmate suffer inhumanely because they are simply inmates…yet some of these SAME idiots are the ones who will slink off to church like a snake, sit in the first pew and sing hymns about forgiveness and loving thy neighbor. Personal shot at a couple of idiots from a certain support site…. Now let me not be naïve, prison isn’t supposed to be Disneyland, but it IS supposed to be humane. I understood while I was in prison that I was supposed to be punished, and that is ok, but what do you think is going to happen if you treated an inmate like a dog while he was in, until the day he is released back into society? Well?? This is the part of the sermon where all the ministers, prison site administrators and correctional officers are supposed to have answers…but don’t. You treat a man like a dog long enough, he starts to act like one…when he returns back to society. Now imagine MILLIONS of those same people reentering society. You can’t change them back to a man just because they are free because you have already conditioned them to another belief, and many of them will be punished again for failure to integrate. Society’s problems once, society’s problems forever. But in all this, the inmate himself has to find a chance to change or at least develop an honest sense of being. Sometimes to do that, inmates have to find comfort. You can’t keep stretching a rubber band and expect it NOT to break. You can’t keep bending that pencil expecting it NOT to break. Same with people. In prison, I had to find my comfort zone, or “spots” as I called them. It might be a certain place, it might be a certain time, or a certain time AND a certain place. If I could get to this place or time, my mind could relax, even if for a little while. The most obvious place would be bed, and bedtime. It’s the time where every inmate can lay his or her head down and find rest…in theory. For me, when I was in Pasquotank, that cell and my bunk was my world. In that top bunk, I could write about anything; poems, letters, journals, short stories, anything I wanted. The privacy I had on that top bunk gave me a very warm sense of comfort. So yeah, you CAN find comfort while in prison. It is few and far between, but it’s there, if the inmate cares to look for it. Sometimes if I was lucky and my cheap RCA radio could pick up a nearby jazz station, I could find inspiration to write stuff. Sometimes it might be Christian music, or if I wanted to just relax and rest, some classical music. Now, because I have been on about 6 different camps, the comfort zone was different for each one. The scene was different, the personnel was different, so the comfort zone had to be different. But if I could find it, it would give me a legit chance to cope. Now, how do YOU find comfort with a loved one in prison? Or, how do you find comfort OUTSIDE of prison? It’s not easy, because you worry about that person inside. How many people are going to lose a loved one to jail or prison in the next 30 days? Thousands. How many have loved ones in jail or prison now? MILLIONS. How can you find comfort in such a very depressing time? Understand, there is no blog I can share to remove that pain, I don’t have that kinda gift. But if it means anything, what I share might be able to help you cope, and that is the main thing here…to cope. Understand what that word means…it does not mean to resolve, or to fix. It means to deal with a problem. To resolve a problem is to go out and buy another television when the only tv in the house goes out on you. Coping means finding other ways to entertain yourself until you can afford to buy another television, like listening to the radio, going to the movies or reading. Do you understand what I am saying? I think we all get that mixed up, because we want resolution when what we have to do is cope. I am pretty sure that was perhaps what God was trying to show me, because I wanted resolution…I WANTED TO GO HOME! But perhaps what I needed was the strength to cope, to deal WITH the problem, so I can share it with others. Folks, with a loved one in prison, I know it’s hard, very hard. But if you can see this as a coping problem, rather than finding a quick solution, it might be the beginning of finding that comfort. But that is not to say that you abandon the hope of solutions. For example, some of you might have a son who really wasn’t guilty of his crime, or felt that his cheap blankety-blank court appointed lawyer didn’t defend him as he would have if you had the money. (Isn’t it ironic how the law is really based on who has enough money to pay lawyers?) There are indeed some situations that have people looking for solutions. But even in those situations, you still have to find comfort. Why? Because in that comfort comes hope. You can’t be hopeful while you are all stressed out. A mom or wife with a loved one in prison must find comfort first, because it then gives you the energy to be faithful, to be prayerful, and to cope with the current situation until there is change. So how do you find comfort? Well, that is really up to you. I mean, what I do for comfort may not be what YOU do. I mean, do you play video games? I do. Do you watch sports? I do. Do you watch cartoons? I do. Do you watch those corny Kung-fu movies? I do. So I can’t really give you the exact formula to finding comfort. Heck, today I was watching the Travel Channel and Samantha Brown’s trips to Europe. I love watching that show because she goes to such great places, and I love travel shows. To me, that was a point of comfort, if even for an hour or half an hour. Earlier tonight, I went over to the local recreation center to watch Industrial League Basketball. I am a big sports fan, and I found comfort in watching the guys play ball. Those things are personal things I did today to find comfort, what did YOU do, other than worry? You see, you got to do something other than worry and be depressed. You have to find something you are comfortable doing. If that means driving around town looking for any church that is open, then fine. If that means watching DVDs of comedies, fine. If that means visiting some relatives, fine. But find something that gives you comfort, and takes your mind off the worries. Between the two, the OUTSIDE has much, much more venues to find comfort than the inside, which means YOU have more opportunities to find comfort than your loved one in prison. Why not use that to your advantage and be that strength he or she needs? They can’t get it from you if you don’t have it, and you can’t fake it. You can be stressed all week long about him, and go to visit and try to pretend to be happy when you visit him. But he knows, it’s in your smile, it’s in your voice, it’s in your face because it’s in your heart. You can’t fake sincerity. Either you are, or you are not. Or, to quote a scripture, “from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks” But you can change that by finding comfort. What do you like to do? Why don’t you do some of that instead of giving place to fear and doubt and depression? “But I don’t want him to think I don’t miss him by being happy” What in the world kinda thinking is THAT?? Why would you… Ok, that is a subject for another blog, because I might REALLY say some things if I continue. I hear that excuse so many times and I want to pull my ribs out of my body every time I hear that. That will have to be a discussion for another time folks, it is after midnight here. Remember to visit my booksite, and DO please find comfort. Your loved one needs you to do that.
Finding Comfort in Prison…inside and out
Late night blogging folks, hope you don’t mind…
(edited from my original blog)
And that brings me to the title, how do you find comfort in prison… and out? This has a few sides to it, because obviously, most of you can’t answer the “inside part”. In fact, many of you may have that question yourselves. How does an inmate find comfort while in prison.
Is it even possible?
Well, if you go on the notion that nothing is impossible, then you’ve already answered your question. But ask me that, and I can say, from experience, yes, you CAN find comfort while in prison.
And that might upset some novice reader who thinks that every inmate should suffer without mercy. I actually DO get some readers that think they are entitled to watch every inmate suffer inhumanely because they are simply inmates…yet some of these SAME idiots are the ones who will slink off to church like a snake, sit in the first pew and sing hymns about forgiveness and loving thy neighbor.
Personal shot at a couple of idiots from a certain support site….
Now let me not be naïve, prison isn’t supposed to be Disneyland, but it IS supposed to be humane. I understood while I was in prison that I was supposed to be punished, and that is ok, but what do you think is going to happen if you treated an inmate like a dog while he was in, until the day he is released back into society?
Well?? This is the part of the sermon where all the ministers, prison site administrators and correctional officers are supposed to have answers…but don’t.
You treat a man like a dog long enough, he starts to act like one…when he returns back to society.
Now imagine MILLIONS of those same people reentering society.
You can’t change them back to a man just because they are free because you have already conditioned them to another belief, and many of them will be punished again for failure to integrate. Society’s problems once, society’s problems forever.
But in all this, the inmate himself has to find a chance to change or at least develop an honest sense of being. Sometimes to do that, inmates have to find comfort. You can’t keep stretching a rubber band and expect it NOT to break. You can’t keep bending that pencil expecting it NOT to break. Same with people.
In prison, I had to find my comfort zone, or “spots” as I called them. It might be a certain place, it might be a certain time, or a certain time AND a certain place. If I could get to this place or time, my mind could relax, even if for a little while.
The most obvious place would be bed, and bedtime. It’s the time where every inmate can lay his or her head down and find rest…in theory. For me, when I was in Pasquotank, that cell and my bunk was my world. In that top bunk, I could write about anything; poems, letters, journals, short stories, anything I wanted. The privacy I had on that top bunk gave me a very warm sense of comfort.
So yeah, you CAN find comfort while in prison. It is few and far between, but it’s there, if the inmate cares to look for it.
Sometimes if I was lucky and my cheap RCA radio could pick up a nearby jazz station, I could find inspiration to write stuff. Sometimes it might be Christian music, or if I wanted to just relax and rest, some classical music.
Now, because I have been on about 6 different camps, the comfort zone was different for each one. The scene was different, the personnel was different, so the comfort zone had to be different. But if I could find it, it would give me a legit chance to cope.
Now, how do YOU find comfort with a loved one in prison? Or, how do you find comfort OUTSIDE of prison?
It’s not easy, because you worry about that person inside. How many people are going to lose a loved one to jail or prison in the next 30 days? Thousands. How many have loved ones in jail or prison now? MILLIONS. How can you find comfort in such a very depressing time?
Understand, there is no blog I can share to remove that pain, I don’t have that kinda gift. But if it means anything, what I share might be able to help you cope, and that is the main thing here…to cope.
Understand what that word means…it does not mean to resolve, or to fix. It means to deal with a problem. To resolve a problem is to go out and buy another television when the only tv in the house goes out on you.
Coping means finding other ways to entertain yourself until you can afford to buy another television, like listening to the radio, going to the movies or reading.
Do you understand what I am saying?
I think we all get that mixed up, because we want resolution when what we have to do is cope. I am pretty sure that was perhaps what God was trying to show me, because I wanted resolution…I WANTED TO GO HOME!
But perhaps what I needed was the strength to cope, to deal WITH the problem, so I can share it with others.
Folks, with a loved one in prison, I know it’s hard, very hard. But if you can see this as a coping problem, rather than finding a quick solution, it might be the beginning of finding that comfort.
But that is not to say that you abandon the hope of solutions. For example, some of you might have a son who really wasn’t guilty of his crime, or felt that his cheap blankety-blank court appointed lawyer didn’t defend him as he would have if you had the money.
(Isn’t it ironic how the law is really based on who has enough money to pay lawyers?)
There are indeed some situations that have people looking for solutions. But even in those situations, you still have to find comfort. Why? Because in that comfort comes hope. You can’t be hopeful while you are all stressed out. A mom or wife with a loved one in prison must find comfort first, because it then gives you the energy to be faithful, to be prayerful, and to cope with the current situation until there is change.
So how do you find comfort? Well, that is really up to you. I mean, what I do for comfort may not be what YOU do. I mean, do you play video games? I do. Do you watch sports? I do. Do you watch cartoons? I do. Do you watch those corny Kung-fu movies? I do.
So I can’t really give you the exact formula to finding comfort. Heck, today I was watching the Travel Channel and Samantha Brown’s trips to Europe. I love watching that show because she goes to such great places, and I love travel shows. To me, that was a point of comfort, if even for an hour or half an hour.
Earlier tonight, I went over to the local recreation center to watch Industrial League Basketball. I am a big sports fan, and I found comfort in watching the guys play ball.
Those things are personal things I did today to find comfort, what did YOU do, other than worry?
You see, you got to do something other than worry and be depressed. You have to find something you are comfortable doing. If that means driving around town looking for any church that is open, then fine. If that means watching DVDs of comedies, fine. If that means visiting some relatives, fine. But find something that gives you comfort, and takes your mind off the worries.
Between the two, the OUTSIDE has much, much more venues to find comfort than the inside, which means YOU have more opportunities to find comfort than your loved one in prison. Why not use that to your advantage and be that strength he or she needs? They can’t get it from you if you don’t have it, and you can’t fake it.
You can be stressed all week long about him, and go to visit and try to pretend to be happy when you visit him. But he knows, it’s in your smile, it’s in your voice, it’s in your face because it’s in your heart.
You can’t fake sincerity. Either you are, or you are not.
Or, to quote a scripture, “from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks”
But you can change that by finding comfort. What do you like to do? Why don’t you do some of that instead of giving place to fear and doubt and depression?
“But I don’t want him to think I don’t miss him by being happy”
What in the world kinda thinking is THAT?? Why would you…
Ok, that is a subject for another blog, because I might REALLY say some things if I continue. I hear that excuse so many times and I want to pull my ribs out of my body every time I hear that. That will have to be a discussion for another time folks, it is after midnight here. Remember to visit my booksite, and DO please find comfort.
Your loved one needs you to do that.