Will He Change After Prison? If I had a dime for every post I have read asking that question, or every comment, thread, email or pm I have read on this subject…well, let’s just say that Bill Gates and Oprah would be asking ME for spare change… Just a joke folks, heck I am still mad at losing 35 cents in the stamp machine today… I paused for a moment to check my files, because I know I wrote something like this before on a site. I wanted to pull that up and paste it here for you to read, but at the moment I could not find it, so I will just leave it be. Remember, I had two other blogs before this one, so if you are new to this blog, you missed out on many other entries that are now offline. But the answer of that question is very simple. Will he change…OF COURSE! He just got out of PRISON! But I don’t think that is what you are really asking, is it? You are not asking if he will change…you are asking HOW much will he change. And more importantly, will it be a constructive change, or a destructive one. That is the real question. Let’s put that title question to bed right now, HE WILL CHANGE. No question at all. When you put someone through such a difficult situation as prison, he will definitely change in one way or another. It may not be the two extremes, it may well be in levels. Just as you can have two colors, black and white, there are levels between them. Even when you look at the rainbow, you see a change in colors… How many of you remember the colors of the rainbow….remember ROY G BIV, which stands for red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet… Just as colors have levels, or gradations, so can people when they change. With inmates, I suppose it is just the same. But how will he change? I think there are basically two levels of philosophy involved, so let us explore both. The first is a constructive change, obviously the one we all desire… Oh before I continue, let me throw at you that YOU also change too, just as a person in prison changes. Your perception of him proves it. The mere fact that you are concerned about his change means your previous belief in him has altered too. But the constructive change is obviously one where the inmate comes out of prison with a better sense of wanting to do the right thing. This does NOT mean he has turned into Superman, or came out with a halo around his head. It just means he believes that as best as he can help it, he will not try to end up in prison anymore… Did you notice what I said…I said he will try not to end up in prison anymore…I didn’t say he would stop doing wrong. Now some of you might think this is considered destructive, not CON structive. Maybe so, but let’s also include the entire human race when it comes to doing things that are similar to this kinda belief. There are a hell of a lot of Christians out there that do the same thing every day…unfortunately I have met and dealt with some of them. But let’s not take this to extremes. I am not saying every guy is coming out to break the law, I am saying for a constructive behavior, they are settling in their mind that prison is NOT the place for them to be, and they are going to do what they can to better their lives and those immediately around them. And that is another problem…the idea that they have to better not just themselves, but those IMMEDIATELY around them. To me, no inmate owes a society that. Some of you might get upset with that idea, but I stand firm on that. If a man serves his debt to society, and by the judicial system is allowed to return to society, he does not owe them a damn thing. Let’s not get confused here, because I think this is part of society’s problem. I am not saying he has to turn his back on them, because he does need to show that he is a positive part of society, but many people get this twisted in thinking that he has to serve society after he has served his time…no he does not. I believe when a guy returns to society, he has to first better himself, then the people immediately around him. That means his family. We can include his church if he goes to one, and those he spend time with, which may include his job. He has to be a positive reinforcement to those around him, so that they can be witness that this guy is trying to better himself. He does NOT owe that to every single person in town, because if you get in that kinda situation, you will never, EVER satisfy everyone. In fact, there will be people who don’t give a damn about you anyway, but still want you to serve them and continue to prove to them that you are not a common criminal. No inmate owes that to a person like that. In order for a guy to reenter society in a positive frame of mind, he first has to believe that he CAN actually do better. That means he has to believe that he will be given a second chance to not just exist, but to succeed in life. You see, a person is not wanting to reenter society just to exist, that is not the true meaning of life, to just exist. Just like everyone else, he wants to do his best, he wants to have the same chances to succeed as you do. Whether society likes it or not, he has that right if he is allowed to return to society. If not, keep him in prison. A constructive change means that the inmate has positive goals that are lawful and won’t put anyone, including himself, against what the law says. He is looking to do the right thing, while at the same time abiding in the laws as best he can. The key being those last four words…as best he can. He has to be allowed some slippage, not that society is giving that to him. Remember, you are asking an ex felon to change his life from what got him in prison to the exact opposite. It is not easy, and the longer he is in prison, the harder it will be. But the constructive belief says that he is going to do his best to change his life. That also may include relationships, in fact it may be mandatory. As many people say, when a person returns to society, they need to avoid those “friends” who was with him when he got arrested, but never sent him so much as a letter while he was incarcerated. But the second he gets out, they want to take him to a party or chum it up with him, pulling him right back in those same problems. This also goes for family and loved ones. If the ex felon is to change in a constructive way, he has to understand that the feelings of those around him are important, and should help him understand that when he goes to prison, it hurts everyone. If a guy can manage this, and fully comprehend this while he is in prison, and put this in his heart before he comes out, he gives himself the best chance to change his life in a constructive way. That does NOT mean it will be all flowers and rainbows. It will be very difficult, and may tempt the person to stray off. Unfortunately this is where society will be ready to drop him like a hot rock. The second a felon makes a mistake, we like to act like we knew he was going to fail…almost wanting him to fail. But to be constructive, that person has to stand strong, even when things go a little off the paved road. The destructive way is simply the opposite. But let’s kinda understand what we are saying here. I am not saying that guys in prison are striving to become arch villains from the comic books, like Lex Luthor is to Superman, or the Joker is to Batman… Or Gargamel is to the Smurfs (don’t act like you never seen it before)… A destructive change can mean that the felon firmly believes that society doesn’t give a damn about him, so when he gets out, he is going to do what he “has to do” to survive. Whereas a constructive change might mean working at McDonalds for a few years to save up to do something else, the destructive change might mean selling drugs to buy that car. This also goes for the attitude to society. A constructive change might mean the knowledge that he has to be a positive force in society, a destructive change might mean that there is complete apathy to what society expects from an ex felon. Extend this to relationships too. A constructive change knows what he has to do to help those around him, a destructive change may follow an extremely neutral perspective; the “me first” belief. I really believe these are the two realms people worry about, wanting their loved ones to come out constructively changed, but fearing that he may come out the opposite. What determines that change, and how can you change it to a positive rather than a negative? Well, the strongest influences are the prison itself, and you. This is where the struggle lies, because if prison influences him more than outside compassion then he may start to believe no one else cares about him. If the inverse is true, and he sees that there are people who truly care and want him to have hope in his life, he may understand that there are people who care, and will not want to disappoint them when he returns to society. It’s a constant struggle that will change many times in the course of his incarceration. This is why I always tell people to be positive and encouraging when you are in touch with an inmate. Whether by letter, phonecall or visit, he or she MUST know that you care, and that others care too. His life won’t be worth honoring if there is no one who cares. Inmates need to know that even though they are expected to do right when they return, they also must understand and BELIEVE that they are loved, and that whatever they still want to accomplish in life, they can do as long as they are free. But as for how he will change when he is free…that is dependent on you and him. You guys know I can’t answer that for anyone but myself. Anyway, something to think on.
Will He Change After Prison?
If I had a dime for every post I have read asking that question, or every comment, thread, email or pm I have read on this subject…well, let’s just say that Bill Gates and Oprah would be asking ME for spare change…
Just a joke folks, heck I am still mad at losing 35 cents in the stamp machine today…
I paused for a moment to check my files, because I know I wrote something like this before on a site. I wanted to pull that up and paste it here for you to read, but at the moment I could not find it, so I will just leave it be. Remember, I had two other blogs before this one, so if you are new to this blog, you missed out on many other entries that are now offline.
But the answer of that question is very simple. Will he change…OF COURSE!
He just got out of PRISON!
But I don’t think that is what you are really asking, is it? You are not asking if he will change…you are asking HOW much will he change. And more importantly, will it be a constructive change, or a destructive one.
That is the real question.
Let’s put that title question to bed right now, HE WILL CHANGE. No question at all. When you put someone through such a difficult situation as prison, he will definitely change in one way or another. It may not be the two extremes, it may well be in levels. Just as you can have two colors, black and white, there are levels between them. Even when you look at the rainbow, you see a change in colors…
How many of you remember the colors of the rainbow….remember ROY G BIV, which stands for red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet…
Just as colors have levels, or gradations, so can people when they change. With inmates, I suppose it is just the same. But how will he change? I think there are basically two levels of philosophy involved, so let us explore both.
The first is a constructive change, obviously the one we all desire…
Oh before I continue, let me throw at you that YOU also change too, just as a person in prison changes. Your perception of him proves it. The mere fact that you are concerned about his change means your previous belief in him has altered too.
But the constructive change is obviously one where the inmate comes out of prison with a better sense of wanting to do the right thing. This does NOT mean he has turned into Superman, or came out with a halo around his head. It just means he believes that as best as he can help it, he will not try to end up in prison anymore…
Did you notice what I said…I said he will try not to end up in prison anymore…I didn’t say he would stop doing wrong.
Now some of you might think this is considered destructive, not CON structive. Maybe so, but let’s also include the entire human race when it comes to doing things that are similar to this kinda belief. There are a hell of a lot of Christians out there that do the same thing every day…unfortunately I have met and dealt with some of them.
But let’s not take this to extremes. I am not saying every guy is coming out to break the law, I am saying for a constructive behavior, they are settling in their mind that prison is NOT the place for them to be, and they are going to do what they can to better their lives and those immediately around them.
And that is another problem…the idea that they have to better not just themselves, but those IMMEDIATELY around them. To me, no inmate owes a society that. Some of you might get upset with that idea, but I stand firm on that. If a man serves his debt to society, and by the judicial system is allowed to return to society, he does not owe them a damn thing.
Let’s not get confused here, because I think this is part of society’s problem. I am not saying he has to turn his back on them, because he does need to show that he is a positive part of society, but many people get this twisted in thinking that he has to serve society after he has served his time…no he does not.
I believe when a guy returns to society, he has to first better himself, then the people immediately around him. That means his family. We can include his church if he goes to one, and those he spend time with, which may include his job. He has to be a positive reinforcement to those around him, so that they can be witness that this guy is trying to better himself. He does NOT owe that to every single person in town, because if you get in that kinda situation, you will never, EVER satisfy everyone. In fact, there will be people who don’t give a damn about you anyway, but still want you to serve them and continue to prove to them that you are not a common criminal.
No inmate owes that to a person like that.
In order for a guy to reenter society in a positive frame of mind, he first has to believe that he CAN actually do better. That means he has to believe that he will be given a second chance to not just exist, but to succeed in life.
You see, a person is not wanting to reenter society just to exist, that is not the true meaning of life, to just exist. Just like everyone else, he wants to do his best, he wants to have the same chances to succeed as you do. Whether society likes it or not, he has that right if he is allowed to return to society. If not, keep him in prison.
A constructive change means that the inmate has positive goals that are lawful and won’t put anyone, including himself, against what the law says. He is looking to do the right thing, while at the same time abiding in the laws as best he can.
The key being those last four words…as best he can. He has to be allowed some slippage, not that society is giving that to him. Remember, you are asking an ex felon to change his life from what got him in prison to the exact opposite. It is not easy, and the longer he is in prison, the harder it will be. But the constructive belief says that he is going to do his best to change his life.
That also may include relationships, in fact it may be mandatory. As many people say, when a person returns to society, they need to avoid those “friends” who was with him when he got arrested, but never sent him so much as a letter while he was incarcerated. But the second he gets out, they want to take him to a party or chum it up with him, pulling him right back in those same problems.
This also goes for family and loved ones. If the ex felon is to change in a constructive way, he has to understand that the feelings of those around him are important, and should help him understand that when he goes to prison, it hurts everyone.
If a guy can manage this, and fully comprehend this while he is in prison, and put this in his heart before he comes out, he gives himself the best chance to change his life in a constructive way. That does NOT mean it will be all flowers and rainbows. It will be very difficult, and may tempt the person to stray off. Unfortunately this is where society will be ready to drop him like a hot rock. The second a felon makes a mistake, we like to act like we knew he was going to fail…almost wanting him to fail. But to be constructive, that person has to stand strong, even when things go a little off the paved road.
The destructive way is simply the opposite.
But let’s kinda understand what we are saying here. I am not saying that guys in prison are striving to become arch villains from the comic books, like Lex Luthor is to Superman, or the Joker is to Batman…
Or Gargamel is to the Smurfs (don’t act like you never seen it before)…
A destructive change can mean that the felon firmly believes that society doesn’t give a damn about him, so when he gets out, he is going to do what he “has to do” to survive. Whereas a constructive change might mean working at McDonalds for a few years to save up to do something else, the destructive change might mean selling drugs to buy that car.
This also goes for the attitude to society. A constructive change might mean the knowledge that he has to be a positive force in society, a destructive change might mean that there is complete apathy to what society expects from an ex felon.
Extend this to relationships too. A constructive change knows what he has to do to help those around him, a destructive change may follow an extremely neutral perspective; the “me first” belief.
I really believe these are the two realms people worry about, wanting their loved ones to come out constructively changed, but fearing that he may come out the opposite. What determines that change, and how can you change it to a positive rather than a negative?
Well, the strongest influences are the prison itself, and you. This is where the struggle lies, because if prison influences him more than outside compassion then he may start to believe no one else cares about him. If the inverse is true, and he sees that there are people who truly care and want him to have hope in his life, he may understand that there are people who care, and will not want to disappoint them when he returns to society.
It’s a constant struggle that will change many times in the course of his incarceration. This is why I always tell people to be positive and encouraging when you are in touch with an inmate. Whether by letter, phonecall or visit, he or she MUST know that you care, and that others care too. His life won’t be worth honoring if there is no one who cares. Inmates need to know that even though they are expected to do right when they return, they also must understand and BELIEVE that they are loved, and that whatever they still want to accomplish in life, they can do as long as they are free.
But as for how he will change when he is free…that is dependent on you and him. You guys know I can’t answer that for anyone but myself. Anyway, something to think on.