Lately I have been reevaluating my relationship, after six years on this roller coaster ride I don't know if I'm in love or simply confused about my emotions. I'll be the first to admit that I never thought I would meet and begin to care for someone who was incarcerated. At the time I was married although I knew my marriage was over I still wrestle with the idea that perhaps I used meeting my fiance to go through with my divorce. I have been there for this man and his children I have taken so much crap from my family regarding this relationship. My mother has gone so far as to ask me whether or not my self esteem was that low until I believed I could not do any better than an inmate. Trust me I am beautiful both inside and out and to make it even more wonderful I love the Lord. When I met my fiance I was overweight by about 50 pounds I lost the weight because I did not want to be perceived as desperate and unable to attract a man under any other circumstance. Well I gained the weight back and then some, but now I no longer feel motivated to lose the weight it's like a safety net for me. If he truly loves me then my size should not matter. I'm just confused and I'm not quite sure how to proceed in this relationship now that he says he wants to wait until he gets out to get married. I have decided to trade my engagement ring in for a diamond necklace because I don't see us going anywhere. All my hopes and dreams that I shared with this man!
First of all, let me say this- you know yourself better than anyone, so you decide what's best for you. Second of all, you're right- he should love you for you, not what you can do for him or what you look like. Third of all and most important, he should understand and respect your decision, no matter what it is. Whatever your choice may be, stick by and don't make yourself feel bad for your decision. Let me know if I can help in any way!
God is good, I just finished typing Quentin a letter. When I read your response I felt encouraged. Am I crazy to expect him to call me more than once per week. I noticed that he calls his adult daughter 4 and sometimes 5 times a day. This month he went through his minutes quickly. When I addressed my concern at first he was on the defensive, but after a few days he changed just like a chameleon and promised to call me more often. I don't know if his daughter is acting as his go between for him and her mother, I just don't know. Over the past six years alot has happened between his children and myself I even allowed the youngest one to live with me for about 3 months she totally disappointed me. As for the oldest one it won't do any good to bring up the past, I do know that she disrespected our relationship by taking her mother one year to see him when she knew I was going to be visiting him. Ever since then I have had limited contact with her for my own sanity. He says he still wants to marry me I'm not sure where this is headed.