Hey Reko,
Girl neither am i but when it comes to my baby im going to try to give him some affection even if its by holding hands cause i know that will mean alot to him. Well i still dont know what if it feels like being under microscope in visitation but im sure you feel eyes around you all the time. LOL im sure yall were nice and grown LOL. Well when i meet my baby i was 23 and he was 29 so dont feel bad LOL. I love him alot though. So the whole time you hid everything from your parents? Not me girl i at least told my mom because me and my mom get along pretty good my whole life even before i had kids. She supported me in some ways and some she didnt but shes not judgemental.she wont ever judge me or my bros. or my lil sister. My guess cause she went through what we did. Plus we've had family in prison so we all know what its like i think thats one of the reasons my mom wont say much. Besides my mom has always told me "NOBODYS PERFECT AND EVERYONE IS UNIQUE". Well i thank god that up to now my parents arent criticizers nor judgemental and I LOVE THEM FOR THAT. So your parents just straight out mad you, i mean because if your husband hasnt hurt you or your sons then why are they being like that? So whenever you or your parents got problems yall dont talk about it? you see in my family we do and we quickly notice whenever any of us have any problems because we know how each of us think and all. I mean dont get me wrong i was raised to respect my parents and elders but its like we all have confidence and just talk about it. I think maybe theres lack of communication there. And i understand you just let your mom say everything she wants and you just let it in one ear and out the other but thats not going to stop her shes going to keep on doing it and especially if she knows it gets to you. And maybe your right you rather not argue with her because you know her better than anyone else but maybe you should try to tell her straight out that no matter what she says and no matter what she does YOU STILL LOVE YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR GOING TO BE THERE FOR HIM AND WHEN HE GETS OUT HES GOING TO BE THERE WITH YOU AND YOUR SONS AND THAT WHETHER SHE LIKES IT OR NOT HE'S PART OF THE FAMILY. Like that maybe she calm down for awhile but then only you would know how she will react. Same goes for your dad. I mean thats what i would do and my opinion. Thats good that you and your son went to go see your husband and good to know that it went well. Yea i've heard of that when the last few months go slower than you expected you want them to go by faster and it wont.I remember my uncle would get so frustrated when it was the last month girl.he would call almost everyday and just countdown and when it was the last 2 wks he was nervous and anxious at the same time. Aw 8 yrs. WOW keep it going strong because thats what matters. You'll soon find out where all the time has gone to next yr. in feb. LOL . And im sorry girl that you get sad around this time. Me i always get sad when its a holiday rather its valentines,4th of july,fathers day and so on because hes not around but sometimes he sents me greeting cards and i get happy just to know that he was thinking of me on that special day.And my baby also tells me he's there for me and everyone else. Well you take care also ok.......
*M@R!*
Hey NoLaw97,
Im taking it that you've been in prison? And if you did then i agree with you cause you know what life is in a prison. I havent been in prison and dont plan either but i was a guard in a prison and thats how i meet my baby. I saw the stuff they do there and the stuff they come up with and alot more stuff, but i dont know how bad the struggle is in there and so when it comes to this topic about inmates i dont judge nobody. Alot of the questions that you said to ask ourselves about our partners well i've asked myself those questions before especially at the beginning of our relationship. Ive thought to myself though that ive been through worse times than what im going through and thats what keeps my head up on our relationship. And i know that every relationship has its ups and downs and basically everything does, dont you agree? Life has its way of telling us the consequences and its up to us to intrepret them and follow them but most of the time we dont right? And when you say that we out here have friends or family that we can vent out to, TRUE but most of the time they quickly judge and criticize all they can. Theres not that many ppl you can count on to vent out because of that. I agree that this website is another way to vent out and i love it because ppl here understand. As for an inmate it is harder to let it all out because if they do like you said they go to seg unit or the shu. But honestly i was the kinda guard where i didnt mind for the inmates to let it all out because i saw their attitude and the mood they would get up in and alot more stuff. I never wrote up anybody while i worked there. But i see your point of view thats why when it comes to my baby and tells me he has to do what he can to survive in there i dont judge him and i dont get mad sometimes it does get to me but when i do i just think to myself whether i tell him not to or not he still going to do it for his survivial in there. I dont really get on to him much, he still has 8 to 10 yrs left and only he knows how to make it that far hes been in prison already for 13 yrs so he knows what its like in there and what he has to do to maintain himself.But from all this I STILL LOVE MY BABY. But thanks for your advice....I will take it cause i still got alot to go through...but no matter what im going to love him and be there for him...THANKS....
Yes, I am going to try and be affectionate, because I want my husband to know that I love him. As far as my parents go, I definitely plan to tell them to get over it, because I am going to be with my husband, whether they like him or not. The funny thing is that they have already judged him and haven't met him a day in their lives.My mother is one of 12, she had 8 brothers and 3 sisters. Her parents died when she was young, and she was raised by her older brothers. So the tough love that she gave to me, she got it very honestly. She also took alot of her anger out on me that she had for my father. I guess because I sort of look like him. I don't know her reasoning, but I do know that they were divorced by the time I turned 1 year old. I always said that I would never get a divorce, even though I have come close to it plenty of times with my own husband. My moms threw me out when I was pregnant with my oldest son when I was 19 years old, and I have been on my own ever since. So I am not that close to my mother. I have wished that I had loving families like that but unfortunately, everyone can't have that all the time. It is wonderful that you have that. I guess that is why me and my husband cling to each other like we do. Yes, 8 years of marriage, 11 years total of knowing each other. 8 years that we hvae missed out on. My husband kinds of regrets it now because I can tell it in some of the things that he says, and he has even said so before, how he can't believe that he hasn't had the chance to enjoy his wife. His vision was still clouded. It is interesting though how he has served 90% percent of his actual time, and he is a non-violent offender. He has served more than some violent offenders. That is crazy to me. I just pray that this time he will stay home. He told me today that he wished that he was home with me and my sons. I do too, because my sons have gone so long without male figures in their lives, and they still love my husband even though he hasn't been there entirely for them either, but he shows a great more interest in them then their REAL father, and that is why they love him. He has always told them that he loves them and still does. Again, 8 years, girl, 11 knowing him, 8 years married, 9 years and 6 months total we have not been together to enjoy. My mother can say what she wants this time when he comes home, because her sisters don't care for my mother's boyfriend, and she lives with him and have done so I know for about 12-15 years now. They aren't married. And her boyfriend is nice, and puts up with a hell of alot when it comes to my mother. He is not perfect neither. He is home recovering from a bad car accident, where he fell asleep behind the steering wheel of his truck, and practically wrapped his truck around a tree. He has caused a serious accident before this one, where he ended up spending a night in jail. Yet my mother judges my husband. Maybe it is because of the crime, I don't know. But I am truly prepared as I said before to tell her how I feel. My father is a criticizer as well, but I don't pay him no mind, because even though he don't know what to say out of his mouth sometimes, he is not as judgemental as my mother. He will fuss at first, and then he will get over it. I talked to my husband today, and I have been in a mood of sorts. Not angry or nothing. Maybe because I have been so busy lately. Here at my job we are packing and moving all around because they will be starting construction in the new year, and now I will be sharing an office with someone. Whoooppeee! So I have been very busy and my husband thought that there was something wrong with me today, but its not. I just had to explain to him that it is kind of hectic these days.I did tell him about me being sad that our anniversary is this Sunday coming, and yet again he isn't here.[:'(]
Well i think we both know that our men would like a bit of affection because they locked up. I hate ppl like that judge quickly without even knowing the person themselves. Oh yea maybe thats why the tough love is there because being raised by your own brothers and they sometimes they can be overprotective i know, both of my bros. are like that sometimes but they come to their own senses. Well just because you look like your father she still shouldnt be like that. I mean my kids look like their dads family and boy does my son look like his dad. Anyways i dont judge my son for looking like his father its normal right? Oh my god your mom is really TOUGH, i thank god that my parents accepted me back when i left my ex and they helped me out alot. My dad was the one to convince me to go back to high school to get my diploma and guess what i did , i have to admit it was hard because i had my son and i was pregnant with my daughter and going to school i mean can u imagine ppl talking smack behind your back and you just dont feel comfortable but with the help of my parents i am so thankful for them and they are my heroes...I guess everything depends on how you are raised and brought up huh. I understand how you say that your sons dont have a male figure around because mine are the same but they do look up to my dad and my bros. Well my kids did have their father before he died but i think they had a not so fun kind of way relationship because my kids would always come back telling me that they stayed at their aunts house and he had gone out or something with friends so im thinking they didnt really have a good relationship. I just believe if the love is there then its there and if not then it aint. My kids also like my baby alot more cause when they talk to him they laugh and all and thats something they wouldnt really do with their own father.I guess everything just depends right...Well maybe now that you have a coworker around it wont be that bad i mean i would think so unless you wont get along with them. Awww sorry to hear that he wont be there but hey think of it this way at least he'll be there next yr . You take care ok....
Yes, my mom was pretty tough.And she molded me into being a tough and strong woman also. Esp. with the things that I have had to deal with in my life. I have to be tough and strong, that I survived. My husband and I have discussed the fact that he won't be here for yet another anniversary. He keeps trying to convince me that he will be here for the rest of them. I have to see this. Even though I will be sharing an office with someone, we never had any problems, so I think that we will be fine. I am not even worried about that. My problem is all the packing and mess that I have been doing. I have to pack up my desk and supplies and what not. Other than that I haven't been up to much. I have been talking to my husband every day this week, and we haven't been arguing. I am so tired and exhausted from having a zillion things to do.Take care!!
I recently completed a class, "Psychology of Problem Solving.," and I learned that we humans have limitations and fallacies in how we think, which itself creates more problems in our lives. The fact that your calls are deteriorating into hostile arguments shows you're both lacking in conflict resolution skills. For example, I may say something to my X-GF, then I'll further elaborate on it to be detail-oriented. She gets upset and says "Do you think I'm so stupid that you needed to explain it like that ??" Being a guy, part of me is thinking "I need to tell her off, I deserve more respect than that." But another part of me is thinking "hold on, that might be my male fight-or-flight mechanism that's talking, which is part of my primeval genetic programming." How many wars were fought in human history because men had listened to their genetic programming. So the rationale side of me is thinking "I need to calm her down somehow," so in an apologetic tone of voice, I say "look, I have a habit of being detail-oriented. Not just you, but I always talk like this to everyone. It was not my intention to insult your intelligence, and I'm sorry if that was your interpretation." So she calms down, and we resume our conversation.
The point here, is to control the situation by evaluating how to steer his emotion. If he seems upset about something, don't contradict or argue with him, just let him talk until he's weary, then in a calm tone of voice, say "are you finished ?? I know things are not easy on you inside, but there's always 2 sides to every argument." Always keep a calm tone of voice. When you raised your voice, you're only going to provoke a hostile reaction, and the conversation is getting out of control. Towards the end, before you hang up, suggest he takes "anger management" class if that's available inside the prison.
One common problem we men have, is that we tend to be selfish and self-centered. We're only concerned about our personal interest, and are blind to how others, especially women, may see or perceive a given situation. This is called ego-centric thinking. Until we take the time to educate ourselves, we are often unaware we're thinking in this manner. This is precisely why Richard Nixon, Bill Clinton, and other men in political office had later faced controversy. They failed to recognize the limitations of human thinking. With us men, the lack of education to know and counter ego-centric mentality is why our careers, marriage, financial stability, etc... sometimes face irreparable damages; we fail to see our own weaknesses.
Hey girl, well i havent been in here for awhile but im back...Merry Christmas just in a case i dont come back for awhile again.... Its good that ur mom taught you to be strong because that is whats helping you out with you husband and everything else. And thats true girl actions speak louder than words right? Oh i know what you mean by packing girl i used to work as a customer service for a cell phone company and well when we had to move our stuff around it was frustrating. Good to know that yall both havent been arguing. Told you it would get better. Well not much to say ok...Take Care and Merry Christmas!!!
My man fights with me about my eldest, which is'nt his. Then after all the fighting he tells me I need to be harder on her. When he says sorry, he ads shes a good kid and she's only being a teenager. Go figure. He also says we will do the best we can with her.
Exactly, mine does that too. My eldest son is the one that gives me the most problems, and my husband says the same thing, that he is just being a boy, and a teenager. My husband is not the father of my two sons, but he sure acts like it sometimes, that is why we get into arguments about it.
it's good to hear it from the guy on the inside point of view!!! thanks for taking the time!!!
Hi Mari,
Would I be able to interview for an article for my blog about how prison guards abuse prisoners?
Free ebooks for inspirational story about Thinking God sharing story and you can share your story too.
http://www.thankgodforebooks.com/father-went-to-prison.html
f..... men that go to prison and have families i gave up on my ex hes a damn looser !!!!!!! i hope woman in here dont send these loosers money their just a bunch of moches most of the time hey they lay by naked men lol their loosers.