Prison Place

My daughter is in prison for the second time.

I had stood by her until now.

She has been in and out of jail several times in her adult life.

She is a drug user, and has been in and out of therapy several times.

This last time I found out she stole from me when she came to visit, saying she had no where else to go.  I put tires on her car so she could make the 8-hour trip to see her daughter.

What I didn’t know was while I was at work she went through everything in the house and stole from me.  She took my jewelry box, coin collection, tools, anything and everything she could find of value.

I didn’t know until she was arrested this last time, and her car was impounded, and some of my costume jewelry was found in the car, along with a charm bracelet with my children’s pictures on it.

I filed a police report, but they didn’t want to do anything about it.

Now she writes me from prison, saying she is lonely, and I don’t care!

The first time she was in, I went to see her every other weekend, sent packages, and put money on her books.

This time I get letters addressed to MOM, telling me she has found God, and I need to turn to God, to help me get over this, I’ve always believed in God, she never has…..

Now she writes like it’s my fault she stole from me!

I’m so angry over what she has done to my granddaughter, putting herself in prison, and what she has done to me.

I never want to see her again,

I have disowned her, taken her out of my will, off the insurance papers, and am thinking of moving leaving no forwarding address, so when she gets out she can’t find me.  Because, if she comes around I can’t say what I would do to her!

She says she is lonely, and can I send her the addresses of some of her old friends. Like I would even write her back…  I don’t care if she’s lonely…. As far as I’m concerned she can die in that place, and I don’t care what happens to her.

Am I the only parent that feels this way?  I wish I never had children….

I will never forgive her for what she has done to me.

Hey

I work at a youth correctional facility, and we get juveniles back for months and years at a time that have been there 3 and 4 times.  I have spoken with many of their parents that feel the exact same way, and these are kids that are 14, 15 years old.  Some of the girls have babies already that their families are raising.  These kids have put their parents through hell.  It is very easy to see why you would want to give up and give in.

However, if your daughter is a drug addict, I must ask..she has gone to treatment, have you? Al-Anon and Narc-Anon meetings for family members of addicts are quite helpful in dealing with the rage, hurt, betrayal and frustration of having a loved one that is an addict. Addiction is not a personal disease, it affects the entire family, and the entire family needs to heal.  Yes, it is your daughter's choice to use, but once she is in active addiction, it becomes an unstoppable wreck until she is made to stop by being locked up.  My kids' father is the same way.

It is very hurtful and horrible to lose material possessions to this disease...but even worse to lose a loved one.  My advice would be to take this chance while she is sober, and try to educate her, and let her know where you stand.  You can't change her behavior, but you can let her know what it has done to you, and to her daughter when she is in a clear mind to listen.  This is also a great time to set guidelines and standards for when she gets home as to what you will and won't accept from a relationship with her, and the consequences of breaking these guidelines.

Good Luck and God Bless

SGV

Dear Bzyshopper,

I can't totally relate to the anger and frustration you must be feeling as this is my son's first time ever going to prison but I can certainly understand why you are so hurt and upset.  This is what I am hearing and if I am wrong, let me know.  It sounds like you really went through a lot of heartache and pain the first time your daugher was taken away but yet you stood by her side and did your best to support her and stand by her.  You were a good mother who loved her unconditionally and was there to support her when she came home, only to have her stab you in the back and repay your kindness for evil once she came home. 

I don't know what that pain feels like and I pray that when my son comes home, that he does not do the same thing.  I do not, however, believe that you will never forgive her or contine to love and support her once you get past the shock and pain of what she has done.  For your sake, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive her at some point because the anger will consume YOU and eat YOU up inside.  That does not mean that you have to allow her to do this to you again but being able to forgive and let go and let God! All things are possible with Him and it sounds like you know this deep down inside.  Remember, God had commanded us to forgive seven times seven, just like He forgives us.  I know it is easier said then done but you sound like a strong woman that will find a way to overcome these trials and be a better, wiser person for them.

Don't forget one other important fact, you have a granddaughter that may be looking to you as an example since her mother is not around.  Show her that you are above the behavior that your daughter has shown you because after all, she is the future of your family.  Teach her the way she should go and when she grows older, she will not stray from the path that is right.

May God bless you and your family and I pray that these words will bring some comfort to your pain.

Mikeysmom 

I know you pain, my son has stolen from me but not for drugs just being a teenager (bad).  One thing for sure though I must say there is nothing in this entire world that would or could make me turn my back on my child, it's until death do us part and I mean that.

I am not trying to be judgemental of you, you have a right to feel however you choose, but I heard you say you believe in God, so do I.  What would God do and what has he done so many times for us? He looks past our faults and see our needs and he supplies them according to His riches in glory.  Not don't forfeit your grace and forgiveness because you want forgive.  Your daughter will come around just hold on and pray, my father is 65 years old and he has been clean 2 years prayers finally answered along time praying but well worth it now.

My son is 19 in the Charles Egelar Reception and Guidence Center on his way to Boot Prison I am hurt and ashamed of the decisions he has made but I love him dearly and will continue to pray and hold on to him and wait for his return.

You can do it.

HOW CAN YOU SAY YOU WILL NEVER FORGIVE? WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER IS GOING THRU IS NOT EASY EITHER, SO YOU LOST SOME COSTUME JEWLERY, THOSE ARE JUST MATERIAL ITEM AND CAN BE REPLACED IF NEEDED BUT YOUR DAUGHTER IS IRREPLACEABLE. YOU SHOULD FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE IT WILL BRING YOU NOT ONLY PEACE BUT CLOSURE

You may want to stand by your child side no matter how they treat you, but I'm done!  I do not choose to live that kind of life.  She has been in rehab, before, I have tried to help her as much as I could, but she is like a rabid dog, and nothing can help her she should be put down. I would much rather see her dead than to have her do to anyone what she has done to this family.  

I cant exactly say I know what you are going through, simply because I do not have Children.  My fiance is in Prison, not for drugs, but he does have an addiction problem.  I dont kno for certain he had anything to do with it, but I kno his cousins did.  I had speakers and an amp in my car that not many people knew I had, because they hadnt been hooked up in a while.  But, my trunk was locked down tight, simply because I paid 350 bucks for that crap, but one day I got up to clean out my car and opened my trunk and it was gone.  I had a feeling he knew what happened so when I asked him about it, he said it wasnt him and got mad that I would even THINK he would do that to me.  I do completely understand your anger, because I was soo mad, I broke his cousins jaw.  Who, STOLE my things that I worked hard to pay for, to give to a dealer for his crap!  But I also kno the pain of being a child whose parent gives up and walks away.  I, myself, have never suffered from an addiction, other than coca cola, so that part is all new to me. But both of my biological parents walked out on me when I was a kid, But NO ONE is perfect, I got over the fact that my *** was gone...and started looking at it like, what can I do to help him with this....how can I help him with this!?  I love him more than anything else in this world, and I WONT give up on him!!  Material objects are replacable...your daughter is NOT!  Maybe she did find God, Maybe she didn't, but I can say, he has ALWAYS been there for me, and NOT one time has he turned his back on his children!  I will pray for you and your situation, and ask u do the same for me! Wish you the best!

I AM SORRY TO THINK I JUDGED YOU I GUESS I HAS NO IDEA, AND MY CHILD NEVER DID ANYTHING CLOSE TO THAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU LOVED YOUR CHILDREN UNCONDITIONALLY  BUT I GUESS IN YOUR CASE NOT. I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS MY SYMPATHY TOWARDS YOU AND YOURS.