To Those with Loved Ones in Prison

 

To those with loved ones in prison

When your loved one goes to prison.

How do you deal with the idea of a loved one going to prison? Most people would never think about it because that kinda problem always happens to “those other” people.

You know, the broken families in poor neighborhoods…isn’t that what we think?

I know…I used to feel the same way. But life has taught me different. The moment you think that the problems of the world are only assigned to a certain group of people is the moment you become ignorant of the world around you.

I have been writing on prison issues for about 5 years, and after writing hundreds and hundreds of blogs, I am no longer amazed at people who, maybe a year ago, would never, ever consider reading my kind of writing on prison issues.

That is…until someone they love falls in jail or prison.

I try to stress many times that in no way am I trying to ignore the innocent, so don’t read my writing thinking I am here to glorify prison or support some form of anarchy…that isn’t why I write.

I write about issues that may help a mother who just lost her only son to a 10 year bid in prison.

I write about issues that may help a wife and kid who lost their loved one to a life sentence.

I write about issues for those who have a loved on in prison.

And that is a hard thing to consider, because the novice or purist would convict me for daring to insinuate such compassion. But let us remember that nobody is perfect, and the prison system is filled with people that are still human.

You can turn your back on it if you want to, but it will always be an issue that is right in your face. So how do you help a person who just lost a loved one to prison?

When I get emails on this, it is easy for me to grab a post I wrote months ago or years ago, and share it with them. But if someone was reading this right now, I mean RIGHT now, then I need to say something that might help.

And if so, then this is what I should say to them…don’t lose heart.

I say again, Don’t Lose Heart.

A much harder task I know, but I didn’t say that as an immediate cure all. One thing I believe when it comes to issues like this is that you simply have to let human nature take its course. That means grieving over your loved one.

“Everybody does that”

Well yeah, but when do you stop?

Gotcha there, didn’t I?

You see, one problem a lot of moms and wives and girlfriends have is that they continue to grieve, never taking control of their lives again. The sentence of a loved one becomes a sentence for them as well, and instead of one person going to prison, it’s more like one person with a chained link to 1, 2 or more people.

When your loved one goes to prison, YOU have to still live your life. Nobody said it would be better or easier, and we also know you may not get a lot of sympathy from the purists who believe every person in prison should be ignored and treated like animals.

I can understand how some might feel about that, but until you actually do some time, it is only a one sided argument.

How many emails have I received from a person that said, “a year ago I would have never read your writings, but now I need to understand what my loved one is going through”.

How many mothers are out there broken because their son, or daughter, has been sent to prison? How many have lost sleep worrying about their child? If there is anybody out there that is going to care, it is going to be them.

And what of the wives and girlfriends? How many of them, like the mothers, may be praying to God for understanding to why their loved one ended up this way. All the plans made, now shattered across life’s floor. What do they do?

Society does not really have plans for those left behind, we kinda like to sweep them under the rug like all our other problems and act like it does not exist. But they do, and those people need help to get through a tough time.

In times like this, a shoulder to lean on or cry on will indeed be few and far between, because most times we tend to link the inmate directly to the loved one, as if they were working together, and must be guilty in some form or fashion.

That folks, is unfair to those who are left behind.

But it makes life for them difficult, and in that there are not a lot of options for help. Granted there are some resources, but not very many at all. But regardless of what is available, you have to first come to terms with yourself, and make a resolution to what has happened.

You’ve got to move on.

And that does not mean to leave your son or husband, it means you have to eventually take control of YOUR life, and become a candle of encouragement to that loved one in prison. Regardless of what he has done, you must help him understand that we all make mistakes, and if he is willing to change, he can still be important to this world we live in.

Nobody is worthless, at least in God’s eyes. Your job is to convince your loved one in prison this simple fact.

You’re the only person who can.


Check out my booksite at
http://theprisoncellbook.embarqspace.com/

I can relate to families that think "It will never happen to 1 of my family members" because it does. My son heard the sad news that his son, my grandson, is in prison. We are 3000 miles away and are making arrangements to visit in May. The sobering statistics that 1 out of every 100 Americans are in prison should send a wake up call to all of us. We are losing a generation and we need to find away to fix it. KonaKoffee

 My son has been incarcerated for 6 months now.  This is my first time to blog ever, although I did read some when he first went in.  Thought it was all the talk of all the "reality" of it that had me in tears all the time, of course now I realize that it was just something I have to go through.  It is a comfort to know there are people out there that do know the pain we feel.

Does anyone know anyone who has been in Seagonville, TX?  My son is suppose to be moved there and I would love to hear from someone who knows about it.  He is now 500 miles away and will be 600+.

Thanks,

Puddie 

Puddie, My Grandson has been incarcerated for 3 years but we just heard from him. Because of divorce and sharing custody he rebelled and decided to cut off his father and live with the more liberal of the 2 parents. The letter was from a man now, and he realizes how much he wishes he had accepted the guidance his father tried so desperately to give him. Growing up is so difficult and I wish there was an easy answer so these tragic things wouldn't happen to those we love so dearly. KonaKoffee

My son has been in a california prison going on 4 years he is just 24. I thought it was just California who was throwing away our children.

neverforget

neverforget, Aloha, My grandson is in a California Fed. Correctional Institution. He received a 10 year sentence and has served 3 years. He is now 26 and seems to realize what a waste of his young years. We are far away but plan to travel to visit as soon as we can. We just learned of his incarceration when he finally realized his rebellion caused the family rift. He finally has contacted his father to apologize. I wish there was an easy answer to all the problems of growing up. Konakoffee

Here in Tennessee my youngest step son, who's 38, has been in prison since he was charged as an adult and convicted when he was 15 years old. He and his older brother wound up very rebelious when their mom ran off and left them and their youngest sister with their dad.

my  loved son is prisions 1 year and 2more to go i  miss he'm so much and   everyday   i wish for a miracle, God  bless everybody

If this reaches anyone with a family member incarcerated in a Federal Prison, please look up FAMM. This is "Families Against Mandatory Minimums" Sentences. They are trying to change this ruling and let the judges decide based on the circumstances. I am now writing to legislators to reform this law. Please look for FAMM on the web. I do have a personal interest in changing this law. Our prisons are overcrowded and most of these young men should not be given a 10 year minimum sentence when they are first time offenders. I do not condone breaking the law but we have to be reasonable. My Grandson 26, has now been transferred 2000 miles further away from his children and it is impossible for them to visit him. They had previously been visiting their father because it was a 4 hour drive and their grandmother could make the trip several times a year. So many reasons to change this system! Help FAMM! Kona Koffee