To those with loved ones in prison
When your loved one goes to prison.
How
do you deal with the idea of a loved one going to prison? Most people
would never think about it because that kinda problem always happens to
“those other” people.
You know, the broken families in poor neighborhoods…isn’t that what we think?
I
know…I used to feel the same way. But life has taught me different. The
moment you think that the problems of the world are only assigned to a
certain group of people is the moment you become ignorant of the world
around you.
I have been writing on prison issues for about 5
years, and after writing hundreds and hundreds of blogs, I am no longer
amazed at people who, maybe a year ago, would never, ever consider
reading my kind of writing on prison issues.
That is…until someone they love falls in jail or prison.
I
try to stress many times that in no way am I trying to ignore the
innocent, so don’t read my writing thinking I am here to glorify prison
or support some form of anarchy…that isn’t why I write.
I write about issues that may help a mother who just lost her only son to a 10 year bid in prison.
I write about issues that may help a wife and kid who lost their loved one to a life sentence.
I write about issues for those who have a loved on in prison.
And
that is a hard thing to consider, because the novice or purist would
convict me for daring to insinuate such compassion. But let us remember
that nobody is perfect, and the prison system is filled with people
that are still human.
You can turn your back on it if you want
to, but it will always be an issue that is right in your face. So how
do you help a person who just lost a loved one to prison?
When I
get emails on this, it is easy for me to grab a post I wrote months ago
or years ago, and share it with them. But if someone was reading this
right now, I mean RIGHT now, then I need to say something that might
help.
And if so, then this is what I should say to them…don’t lose heart.
I say again, Don’t Lose Heart.
A
much harder task I know, but I didn’t say that as an immediate cure
all. One thing I believe when it comes to issues like this is that you
simply have to let human nature take its course. That means grieving
over your loved one.
“Everybody does that”
Well yeah, but when do you stop?
Gotcha there, didn’t I?
You
see, one problem a lot of moms and wives and girlfriends have is that
they continue to grieve, never taking control of their lives again. The
sentence of a loved one becomes a sentence for them as well, and
instead of one person going to prison, it’s more like one person with a
chained link to 1, 2 or more people.
When your loved one goes to
prison, YOU have to still live your life. Nobody said it would be
better or easier, and we also know you may not get a lot of sympathy
from the purists who believe every person in prison should be ignored
and treated like animals.
I can understand how some might feel about that, but until you actually do some time, it is only a one sided argument.
How
many emails have I received from a person that said, “a year ago I
would have never read your writings, but now I need to understand what
my loved one is going through”.
How many mothers are out there
broken because their son, or daughter, has been sent to prison? How
many have lost sleep worrying about their child? If there is anybody
out there that is going to care, it is going to be them.
And
what of the wives and girlfriends? How many of them, like the mothers,
may be praying to God for understanding to why their loved one ended up
this way. All the plans made, now shattered across life’s floor. What
do they do?
Society does not really have plans for those left
behind, we kinda like to sweep them under the rug like all our other
problems and act like it does not exist. But they do, and those people
need help to get through a tough time.
In times like this, a
shoulder to lean on or cry on will indeed be few and far between,
because most times we tend to link the inmate directly to the loved
one, as if they were working together, and must be guilty in some form
or fashion.
That folks, is unfair to those who are left behind.
But
it makes life for them difficult, and in that there are not a lot of
options for help. Granted there are some resources, but not very many
at all. But regardless of what is available, you have to first come to
terms with yourself, and make a resolution to what has happened.
You’ve got to move on.
And
that does not mean to leave your son or husband, it means you have to
eventually take control of YOUR life, and become a candle of
encouragement to that loved one in prison. Regardless of what he has
done, you must help him understand that we all make mistakes, and if he
is willing to change, he can still be important to this world we live
in.
Nobody is worthless, at least in God’s eyes. Your job is to convince your loved one in prison this simple fact.
You’re the only person who can.
Check out my booksite at
http://theprisoncellbook.embarqspace.com/