Okay yesterday was probably the worst day of my entire life. I drive 234 miles to see my husband to sit across from him as he spews filth at me. Now mind you he is bi polar, and boy did he have en episode yesterday. Funny thing is im the only target of his little escapade.
Now he wants a divorce and says that I disgust him. Okay i have heard it all before but you know right now with everything going on in my life I didnt need to hear that.
Last week I was the love of his life and the keeper of his soul. He couldnt live without me, im the air that he breaths. Yesterday he said he could forget me like fridays trash.
This seems to be a never ending saga with him and his illness, guess that is why i wrote the book huh? I just want a normal life, with my normal husband,,,, loll,,,,, in this lifetime.
Words really do tear at the soul dont they? I sat there calmly trying not to show that he was jabbing at my heart with his words. Acted like I didnt care, looking out of the window at nothingness just trying to keep the tears from falling. I finally gave in and told him to go to hell and walked out. Maybe its the last time I see him, who knows, but what I do know is that I did everything right in our marrige.
Get this,, he swears im cheating on him, if you knew me you would be rolling on the floor laughing right now. That mans is all I can think about. But in his warped mind the evil and betraying he put on me while he was free is eating at him. so he asumes,, (just like an ass) that I am doing the same to him. One day hell realize that I was true.
http://mrslcooper.webs.com
well i feel you on that note with your husband acting like he don't care anymore because i've sort of been down that road before myself and even though you know that you've done nothing wrong you just have to hold your head up and keep your sanity because they want you to be doing something wrong while they're locked up.but nothing for nothing maybe you should give him a little time to himself and just maybe he'll come to realize that you truly love him.because a guilty conscious is hard to deal with cause with him treating you like that and you going all those miles to visit him he just might be doing something that he has no business doing.
tj
You might want to read up on bi-polar condition, though if you are married to him, you should be well aware of the mood swings, depression, anger episodes, etc. Is he receiving his medication?
I feel sorry for him if he isn't getting the required treatment.
Liferzwife: You might want to read up on bi-polar condition, though if you are married to him, you should be well aware of the mood swings, depression, anger episodes, etc. Is he receiving his medication? I feel sorry for him if he isn't getting the required treatment.
Thanks,, I have read every book on bi polar, and I have talked to every doctor out there. In fact I wrote my own book on this condition. However, his bi polar is being used as an excuse way to many times. Trust me... LOL
Anyway I only wrote that little excerpt of my visit to share what i was feeling at the time. I know my husband better than anyone and he'll write and if he doesnt life goes on. He is on medication however, not receiving the thearpy and couseling that are required to go with the medications, the medication alone will do nothing if he doesnt know where to direct that anger.
We dont look for anyone to feel sorry for him or myself. We just want to share what we go trough to educate others, and to help others get through thieir rough days...
We are all in the same boat,
I wasn't "feeling sorry" for him or you. I was expressing compassion for a prisoner who is more than likely not getting required medical care for a condition he can't help.
I guess it was just referring to your husband as "Satan" that got to me. LOL
LOL.. Sometimes he is satan... Seriously.
That must be so hard for you. It's rough enough dealing with our husbands being away, but to have to deal with this too must be amazingly hard on you. I have much respect for anyone who can handle both. Kudos - and your man is blessed to have you!!
Liferzwife
thank you for the encouraging words, You know I'm positive that if i sit down and allow myself to think about it, it is something that will overwhelm me. I dont do that however, I get up each day as though it were a brand new slate. I take my husbands episodes as they come, hurt for a second, dust off my shoulders and take a deep breath and keep on moving. I think I am the one that is truly blessed. God has given me the opportuity to be an example of his love. LOve period, and inspite of.
So many times we get discouraged in our relationships and walk away when the good times hide behind the corner. We jump at the opportunity to find a new playmate, and a new breath of fresh air. I coose to stick with m situation as long as God allows me to do just that. My husband has issues yes, his bi polar is wrecking him, me and us, but I see this as a demon that I can stand against because of what God has placed in me. My faith, my love and my devotion to my marriage...... Oh its tough at times, sitting across from him as he spews his evil, (that isnt him) the sacrifices that I make for him, that he cant recognize because he is too busy at that moment feeling sorry for himself... But then it always happens, he recognizes his behavior and tries to make to make it right. All I can do is love him, stay faithful to him, suport him, (emotionally, not financially) that I dont do. I cant. So you see I know that it isnt the commisary that keeps him loving me, cuz I dont supply that. It is the fact that I chose him, even when I know all about him.
Merry Christmas everyone, I know this is a tough time, but we will all get past this.........I promise.