When does incarceration stop?

 

When does incarceration stop?

I get around to reading other support groups and sites, and I often read where loved ones say, "I can't wait until he gets out, then it will all be over"......

Really?

I think sometimes we need to understand that incarceration is not a short time punishment, it is closer to eternal. It is a brand on a human being of his short comings, there to show the rest of the country that you are no longer one of the normal citizens of this country.

It's amazing how we sometimes talk about how we are a "forgiving" country, when I really have not seen much proof of that. I am not even going to go into our history of how we have treated other human beings, and try to forget that it ever happened. So let's just stick with ex felons, and how hard it is for them to "prove themselves" to society.

I am no Harvard or Yale graduate, and I certainly am no lawyer, but I thought the idea of incarceration and the prison system was to punish those who are found guilty of breaking the law. And that punishment was, for most cases, incarceration, which takes away your freedom from you, as well as protecting the general public of menaces.

But here is where things get confusing; why is it that a person who has "served his debt" or "paid his debt to society" still being punished? If a man gets 5 years for a crime and serves that, when he is released back into society he should be in equal standing as a person who has never been to jail or prison......

Yes, that IS supposed to be the idea.

But it does not work that way here. Apparently what that means is the society gets to determine whether to further judge you guilty and make your life a living hell, while expecting you to walk on water. This is the kind of obstacles many ex felons will have to face when they try to get their lives together.

So this brings us to the question, when does the incarceration really stop? The answer is an easy one...

it never does.

For the rest of your life, a felon will always be haunted by his past, never fully being able to get the fresh start that a "better" citizen would have. They don't enjoy full privilges, like voting. For most, the record becomes a problem when they try to apply for a job, or at least a decent one. This in turn makes life harder to cope, when you need to pay your bills like the average citizen. It is then when you realize that you are no longer average, you are less than average.

So much for the land of the free.

Ex felons will have to learn to wear the Scarlet Letter, and learn to adjust their lives based on continual judgement....

I pause here because I know there are readers who want to give me the "boo hoos". Frankly, I don't give a damn about those kinda readers, they shouldn't be reading my posts anyway.

But what I am trying to set up in my writing here is the fact that this may well be something a felon cannot escape, but by no means is it the end of your life. I say that as someone who has gone through this hell, and often times have to relive it. It isn't easy being a college grad, with great grades, awards and other accomplishments, yet having a record. It wipes everything good I have ever done, and replaces it with a very bad taste. People only remember what they WANT to remember, and oftentimes it is negative things.

But this is not a failure, no life is a total failure if you still belive in yourself. And that is where you begin. If every ex felon in this country has failed in life after getting out, then I would be a liar by trying to encourage you. But there is hope, and you have to believe that there is.

That won't be easy for many guys and women trying to get their lives back together. For some it will be very hard. Believe me, I can relate to that. Sometimes I sit here thinking that maybe I should just die, so I can quit fooling myself at how useless I am.

But then I think about what I have tried to do to help others. One of my biggest supports have been the fact that since I like writing, I have been able to write hundreds and hundreds of pages of prison issues online. I know without a doubt that I have personally helped a multitude of people understand some about prison. So if nothing else, I have a little value.

And that is enough to move on.

Think about that when you hit that wall, when you wonder if society will every let you up and let you stand on your own. Remember that every life....EVERY LIFE has meaning for good. Even some of the worst people I have met had to have a some decency in them.

Case in point. When I worked at a Christian radio station, I worked for a, and I use this term very loosely, man of God. This was to me, one of the worst examples of godliness I have ever been near, and it sickens me to talk about this man who has been so deceptive in what he says and what he does. This jerk paid me $3 an hour to work at his radio station, while telling me that "the Lord is going to bless you".

While at the same time buying a new Mercedes and new SUV every 6 months, as well as a new home. This is the same guy that when I got paid, wrote a $75 check that BOUNCED twice. I assure you, I don't have too many good things to say about him.

Yet because he is human, there has to be some good in him. So much so that I have though often that if I died, and on Judgement Day if God Himself told me that this "pastor"s fate hung by my decision of how I felt about him, I would have mercy.

Because I would hope for the same from someone else.

So no one is totally evil, we all make mistakes, some greater than others. And if them, why not you? A felon is still a person, and ever person is a vessel to do good. Don't ever give up on yourself.

Thank you for posting this.  It's really helping me to understand things and to help my son.  I plan to send him some of what you say.  Thank you!

 

Thank you so much for this and all of your other posts. I have learnt alot from them. I too will be sending this to my son. I wany him to know he is not alone in how he may be feeling.

 Tammy Daniel's mom, Tina's sister

This post is truly eye opening.  You know I sit and think when he comes home it will all be okay, but the reality is that it really wont be.  However, we wont let the world and thier judging eyes take away what we have that is inside of us. Yes, for the rest of our lives this will follow us around, when we try and move, when he applies for a job, when a kid asks our son where is your dad?  Prison, is a part of our world, and will be forever.  Yet, I find strength in what i know best,  our love, and our God.

I understand the story of the MAN OF GOD,,, we have all had those havnt we?  Yet, they are just people like us,  we all sin and we all fall short of his glory.  I have to get over my anger at the people of the church and just know that God is in control.

Although the prison memories are tough, what is tougher is not having them, that would mean to wipe out my love for my husband and pretend that we dont exist.  LIfe is what it is.  I love my husband and I stand by him,  if someone judges him, well they will just have to judge me too.  I stand by him, I stand beside him, and I stand for him.

May all of your loved ones who are incarcerated feel your love. Write to them, write to them, write to them,  and dont stop writing to them.  We are thier link to the free world, and thier biggest supporters.