Prison Place

Son in College; Son in Prison

I am reminded of something a guy told me while I was in county jail. He said that prison is just like college. As a guy that graduated with a B.S. in Radio and Television and minored in Journalism, I sat there and thought about it.

And thought that was the DUMBEST thing I ever heard.

I mean, college was the best days of my life, and well, prison was the worst. How can anyone possibly say that prison is like college? The only comparisons I could think of is that prisons have dorms and in some prisons, you can take classes.

But that is about it, when you really think about it.

But then again, when you REALLY think about it, there are similarities that are deeper than what the eye tends to see.

Now, if you are waiting for me to say that college is hard like prison, keep waiting. I don’t care how hard Physics, Debating Class and Communications classes are, they are NOT as hard as prison.

The interesting thing here is that my writing has always been about introspective, looking into myself and sharing what I have gone through. For that very reason, my life of going through college first makes my views much, much different from most guys that end up in prison…

And NO that does not make me better, it only makes my view different.

Some of you are moms with a son in college, and one in prison. Some of you have a son that WENT to college, and is now in prison. I understand what that is like. I have written something before on this, saying I have been in the best of times and worst of times. I have been with the best this country has to offer…and the worst it has.

Is prison really so different from college?

Well, the obvious is, “hell yes!” If it wasn’t so different, then parents would not mind one way or the other as to where their son or daughter goes. There isn’t a parent on ANY forum that would not take the option for their loved one to be sent to college rather than prison.

If the judge looked at your son, and offered the option of going to prison for 4 years or going to college, how many people would even begin to entertain the idea of going to prison for 4 years?

I thought so.

Yet there has to be some similarities because in the essence, both scenarios are a time of trial. Both are times of tribulations, although let’s not fool ourselves, prison is much harder.

But maybe in a very strange way, part of my survival was based on what I went through while in college.

College teaches you to deal with other people, regardless of age, race or religion. It wasn’t like I wanted to live like a hermit, but I was to myself a lot of times because that was me. I knew a bunch of people while in high school, but it wasn’t like I was the most popular guy.

In prison, you MUST be able to deal with and work with other people. Only on extreme cases will a guy actually do all his time by himself. I actually lived some of that by being in a single cell for about 17 months while in county jail, so I know what it is like to be alone….

(although I actually preferred that…but that is another story…)

There actually ARE similarities between college and prison in that regard. Just as I needed to get out and know other students, I also needed to get to know other guys while in prison. Not so much in a formal introduction (in prison), but in a way that guys get to know what you are about, or get some kinda vibe from you. In prison, the ones you gotta watch are the ones that don’t talk to anyone.

Difficult times come in both scenarios as well. When I was a senior in college, I remember not going home for Thanksgiving, thinking the cafeterias would be open for students remaining on the campus…but when I found out on Tuesday evening that they were closing for the week, and me with about $2 on me, I realized I had a major problem. I was 300+ miles from home, on a almost deserted college campus, with the nearest store about a mile from the dorm. I had to scrape up what I could, walk to the store and buy the cheapest things I could get, which was a small box of instant soup and a couple of “Little Debbie” cakes…and it had to last me until Friday.

THAT folks, is tribulation.

But I won’t compare that to tribulations in prison. Whereas I was wondering how I was going to make it as far as food, in prison your very life could be at stake at any time. Living in fear, worried if someone is going to try to rape you, or stab you, or steal your belongings is a greater worry. Given the choice of the two, I’ll take the college situation any day.

Yet in the general sense, both were tribulations, and I got through them both. Was it possible that going through the college trial prepared me mentally for the prison trials? Who can say?

In college I also had to deal with guys I didn’t agree with, some I didn’t like. One example I remember was with the campus radio station, where some of the people working there (all students) started getting swelled egos, and thinking they were the salt of the earth.

I had worked in the campus station for 3 and a half semesters, but by my senior year I was in charge of sports for the campus radio station, and sports editor for the campus newspaper. But I really didn’t like working with some of the guys at the radio station…something about how the media makes false stars of us all.

I remember having a fallout with the station when they decided to drop all the specialty programming and go top 40. I personally felt that was wrong to ignore the diversity of the campus to “lump” it all on one format. Lots of others felt the same way, and for awhile the campus was really split on this.

I still have my newspaper clippings of it, and the very bitter editorial I wrote about it. But I made my point, I had my beliefs and I had to stick with it.

Not too much different from prison.

While I was in prison, there were guys I avoided like the plague, but there were some I could not. Some guys are going to be around you more than you are comfortable with, especially if they live in the same dorm or pod.

In college, I could always leave, in prison, sometimes I could not. And I think for that reason college teaches you “people” skills, or how to deal respectfully with other people. Prison does not teach you that, nor does it really encourage it. I am reminded of a debate I had with a case manager, asking him why I was promoted to honor grade (minimum custody) when I was happier in medium custody.

He told me that inmates are given lower custodies so that by the time they are ready to be released, they would be used to being around other guys. By that I mean that minimum custody usually puts inmates in large dorms, kinda like a boy scout camp. The reasoning he told me was that it helps inmates get used to being around other people.

But many times it does not work the way prisons think.

Still, I can’t help but think that me learning to deal with fellow students helped me to be able to deal with fellow inmates. Sometimes you can’t just open your mouth and say whatever is on your mind…sometimes being quiet and holding your tongue is a very good policy to practice.

I graduated from college near the top of my class, and I didn’t do it by taking “Cake Making 101” or “Basketweaving” or “Bowling”…

Wait a minute, I DID take Bowling…but every student had to take some physical education classes! So stop laughing at me.

In prison, I wanted to take correspondence classes. I really thought that maybe I can earn some credits to make my minor in Journalism to a B.S. My lawyer told me that I would be able to take classes while in prison. And I was dumb enough to really think that I would be able to leave the campus and go to a nearby college and take classes…

Stupid me….

Yet, the similarity was in the thirst for learning. I think maybe I took it for granted while in college, because it is all around you. Everything in college is based on this realm of higher learning. But in prison, it is just the opposite.

It’s survival.

But don’t get me wrong here folks, perhaps one of the things that kept me going was my desire to learn more. I could not take the GED classes since my testing was far above that, and I had already indicated my education…

( to which I regret…maybe I should have lied and let them think I didn’t graduate from high school…)

I indicated in “Grades of Honor” about my going to the prison library. To me, it was like a shrine, a special place I could go to feel like I was back in college. Maybe this was all mental, because after all, college was the best days of my life. Maybe by me going to the prison library, I was trying to get that feeling back.

The first prison library I went to was at Pasquotank Correctional, perhaps the best I have been in (in prison of course). I almost felt like a kid in a candy shop. Between the reference books, filled with so much info to the fiction section and books on travel, sports, history and literature, it just felt like I was back in college.

I actually was happiest in prison while I was in some class. Whether as a GED assistant or as a self referral working on the computer, there was quite a bit that reminded me of college.

But I think at the same time, I was doing what I could to survive in prison, by taking my mind off all my problems and finding something positive to concentrate on.

Interesting…sometimes to survive in difficult times, you don’t have to be so physical…sometimes survival is mental.

So, even though I might like to say that the advice given to me while in jail was foolish…I really think he knew what he was saying. There are some similarities in college and prison. Adversity resides in both, difficult people are in both, regardless of whether one is much greater than the other.

And it’s funny, they say college prepares you for life…I just didn’t know it was preparing me for some life in prison. But as I look back on the good and bad, I realize that it was another step in life. Good or bad, time still moves on.

We just have to make the best with where we are. College challenged me to accomplish a number of nice feats both socially and academically; prison challenged me to stay the course of a human being, rather than falling victim to stereotypes.

I passed the college test, since I have my B.S. in the attic; I don’t know if I passed the prison test, since that is constant. But I’d like to think I came out of it ok. It’s the same I wish for your loved one. Difficult yes, impossible, no.

Kinda like college.