Where do I begin? Well today was just as tough as yesterday and the day before. Yea know it wouldn't be so bad if We didn't have to

watch our children hurt so much in all this. I cry every day just seeing my little girl look so sad. Although she's not alittle girl anymore, almost 18 senior in high school. I'm so proud of her even after all this she has managed a 4.0 grade average and got here first job all on her own. It's hard to believe all 4 of my children are very smart concidering what bad parents we've been. We really have been blessed. So how did we get to this point? I could blame it all on my husband for being stupid in the no stupid zone. But I guess I have to take some of the blame for this mess. But why, I didn't do anything to have this mess begin in the first place.It feels like I'm being punished too. I don't mind but why make our children suffer. Just cause they're grown they hurt just as much as little kids. Maybe more cause they know the truth about whats going on. Not like when they were little I could save they're feelings. They're use to dad being gone alot cause his job sent him out of town alot.Then he would come home and all was well till now. So what's a mother to do? The only thing she can.....CRY everyday.

Don't know what button I hit but I screwed up this whole page. Sorry bout that. I'm still teaching MYSELF how to use a computer.But Just don't have time to practice everyday,now that I have to work my fingers to the bone just be able to not even pay all the bills.When we got married 20 years ago, we were poor but I didn't have to work because my husband is a good man despite his addiction.He always took good care of us,as I know he will again when he gets home.

I could go on forever but duty calls. Maybe tomarrow will be better. YEA RIGHT!!!