SENTENCING TODAY.......AGAIN!
Boy has the last week and a half been super stressful. On Wednesday, September 16th, 2009, My husband was re-arrested at our home. I came home to him standing outside with the Sherriffs in handcuffs. I was so stunned and shocked at the same time, that my anxiety began to set in. The Sherriffs of the County that we live in was there just to transport him to another county that issued the warrant. I was clearly upset, but the one thing that was TOTTALLY clear was RAGE. I wanted to sock him in his face. I didn't need to go to jail that day neither. Once he got where he was going, he settled back into prison like it was the best thing going. I have been so pissed and disgusted these last few days that it is unreal. My husband turned 35 years old yesterday, and was not home to even celebrate it. His court hearing was today. I didn't even bother to go, because when I think about all the times that I had advocated for his freedom in the past, it makes me SICK to my stomach.
All I could think about was that I warned him, I had been begging him to stay home, but no he wouldn't listen and too stubborn. HE NEEDS TO GROW UP. Unfortunately I will not be sticking around to wait for him to do all that. I am so DONE it is ridiculous. Stick a fork in me. I got a letter from him yesterday, and trust it was not the kind of letter I was looking for. Not one word of apology for the humiliation, or embarrassment that me and my sons have had to go through once again. He only apologized for not being the husband that I expected him to be. What nerve.
To think that I have wasted 10 years of my life knowing him, also makes me sick to my stomach. I have done a total of 2 bids with him, and I REFUSE to do any more. He already knows this. I was put on the visit list for tonight, and I am going to do this LAST visit, and I am definitely going to have the floor. I don't care what happens to him in there, and I certainly don't want anything else to do with him. I tried to work on my marriage, I went ABOVE and BEYOND, trying to be a wife, and this is what I get?? I stood by him all this time, and him returning to prison is damn near an open handed smack in the face. Not just mine, my sons also.
My mother-n-law had the nerve to ask me last night if I was coming to court today. I politely told her that if I could leave work, then I would. Knowing all the time that I wasn't coming. I just immersed myself into my work, to take my mind off of my husband's current situation. I will not take on any more of his mess. I don't totally hate him, I feel more sorry for him than anything. I still pray for him, and have prayed for him this morning. I am at that crossroads where I don't want to be bothered any more, and then part of me can't completely turn my back on him. But I must because if I don't he will always think that whatever he does, I am always going to be there for him. I am NOT the one. Trust and believe. No one has EVER been that loyal to me, and I don't know why people always take advantage and take my kindness for a weakness. He doesn't know how I feel like a complete idiot for defending him to my parents, and putting up with all the things that he has put me through. He let the streets, the money, and the women take precedence over having a family, not once, not twice, but yet a third time, and now ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
