The Cell Door is STILL Open

Every now and then I have to pause between my blogs and take the time to remind people that I am still here to try to help, at least as best I can.

I recently have been answering emails from those either with a loved one in prison, or some that are in some difficulties and need to talk to somebody that has been through some of the fears of condemnation or prison.

It’s funny that sometimes when I feel down about myself, I am then required to help somebody else. Imagine the irony, trying to find the strength to help somebody else when I myself need it.

Today was one of those days, yet something odd happened the day before. Last night I was trying to think of a subject to talk about, while also trying to figure out how to get my blogs out there to more people. Even though I get emails and stuff, I can always do with more readers. When I first started blogging back about 2002 or so, many of the sites I blogged on had regular readers and comments. I had between 5-7 different blog sites, and most had many readers. That didn’t even include all the prison support sites I used to write for.

But because I have closed a few blogs and started over, it isn’t as easy as it was before, and to be sure, with enemies from many prison support sites, I won’t be endorsed by many people.

So late last night, about 1am I go to bed, and I try to spend a few minutes reading a few scriptures for faith. But sometimes I kinda get burdened and fail to read, but I always pray before I go to bed. Anyway, while I was in bed, something told me to read some scriptures. Ok, no problem, I can do that anyway. One of the things I read is a gold pamphlet I got while in prison called, “The Promises of God”. It’s filled with about 400 scriptures, each a promise of what God will do for those that believe in His Word. From Old Testament to New Testament, there are many scriptures that show what God will do for a believer.

And usually I read maybe 5-10 and maybe use one to go to the Bible and read the full chapter or context. Now understand here folks, there ain’t no halo around my head, and I am not perfect, but I do my best when I can.

But last night, something told me to read ALL of it, from beginning to end. I rarely have done that in one sitting, but I did last night. I think it was close to 2:30am when I finished, and went to bed.

The next day, (which is today) several things hit me and broke me down, in situations that are only reminders of my past, and how an ex felon just can’t get a break, long after he served his time. My heart sunk as I am reminded that society does not know how to forgive, nor do they want to unless it is THEM asking for it. But as difficult as the day was, I was reminded in my heart that the reason why I read ALL those scriptures, and built up faith, was possibly because God knew what was going to happen today. He knew my faith would be severely challenged, and if I was not prepared, it would have broken me down much, much worse than I could deal with. As bad as today started out, it wasn’t totally bad, and I had the strength to deal with it.

But as I was walking home, my mind kept racing back to the past, and why I was going through so much hell. It’s like the persecution of being an ex felon never stops. I am not trying to make myself an angel, I just want to get my life back and prosper, so I can help others. Not to make amends to those who will continually judge me, because I those kinda people will never be satisfied. But I want my life back, I want to enjoy life so I can turn around and help others by saying, “you can get through this because I did”.

In the warm summer day I was sweating and wiping sweat off my face, wondering why things are so tough, but in that same time, my heart was telling me not to give in to the fear, but to stand in faith. I am convinced that my reading those scriptures last night prepared me for today’s tough situations, and I believed I would get through. But when I got home, those same fears crept back, and kept creeping back.

It was a struggle to focus on faith rather than fear, and I decided to get that little book and read all those scriptures again, from front to back. I had to break this cycle of fear and condemnation, if I am going to get back on top of this. So while I was “watching” the Cubs game on tv, I softly read aloud each and every one of those scriptures. By the time I was finished, I felt better about things.

Now note, nothing has changed, I just feel more faithful that God will look out for me, so I can , in turn, help others. With that kinda faith, I figured I could write a blog today, which would indeed be a show of faith. Trust me, if I felt miserable, there would be NO blog here today.

So here I am, writing a blog to invite you to email me if you need me to talk about certain prison issues. I speak from experience of a person that has seen many different sides of faith and condemnation. I graduated from college near the top of my class, I spent time with some of the worst people in the state of North Carolina. I have praised God for miracles He has done for me but I have also given up on Him when I felt He did not honor His word. I have written FOR prison support groups, and I have been banned and spat on by many as well. I have done time, and even kicked out of some prisons for m writing.

All this, and I still write with hope, because I have to believe that God does want to help those of you that need it. Society says that God does not care about inmates or even the loved ones of inmates…I strongly disagree. But it requires some faith to get through these tough times. Most people reading these blogs either knows somebody that has been in prison, or know somebody IN prison, or know somebody GOING to prison. Some of you may have even been to prison yourselves, or may be in great fear of going. If it is possible that I went through these things for a reason, then the reason may well be to sit here and help YOU.

And don’t misunderstand me, I am not some great prophet coming down from the mountain to share saintly words…it’s just me, but what I share is from the heart of a person that desires to help if I can. If you are reading this and are worried sick about a general prison issue, let somebody help. I can’t help you when it comes to a particular prison in the US, unless you have been to the ones I have been in here in NC, but maybe I can talk to you about faith in prison, the chow hall, visitation, what goes through the heart of a first time felon, and numerous other things.

If you need a hand to walk through this, let me help. I do NOT claim to know it all, and I try to make that very clear in my blogs, but I am willing to do what I can to help you. I will write as much as my heart tells me if it will help you get through this. Some of you that read my blogs or have emailed me know I will do that.

The cell door to my blog is open, which makes sense because originally my blogs were called, “The Prison Cell” but now changed to “Prison Chains Broken”. It takes either a faithful and bold person to write this…or a complete fool. And I have been ridiculed for my writings, from people whining about it being too long, to some questioning whether I am as credible as another inmate, but I try to do my level best to give you hope.

Some of you are at the end of your rope, and have nowhere else to turn, and sometimes there just isn’t enough information form an ex felon’s point of view to help you get through this. I’ll admit that maybe for every ex felon that tries to share info and intel, there are probably 1000 that talk about prison issues but have never been incarcerated. And where there is a great need to hear from anyone who can contribute, it is always amazing how so many men and women have been through the incarceration process, but so few talk about it.

So today I am taking a step in faith, in light of a difficult day I have had, to believe that there are people that need a little uplifting in a situation regarding prison issues. If you don’t know where to go, I suggest first to pray about it. But if after that you need somebody to talk to or to talk about the situation, my cell door is open to any that need something positive to stand on.

If it means me writing 20 pages on what the first day of prison was like for me, I will do it, if it means 15 pages on why inmates need money, fine. If 10 pages on whether inmates can believe in miracles, cool. If 5 pages on prison relationships, I can do that. If one page on how you can endure and encourage your loved one, I will do that.

The ball is in your court, because I can only write what is in my heart, or what a person has emailed me about. I don’t put my reader’s specific info out there, because that is none of your business, but I share the general nature of the topic because I know that others may need to hear it too. So if Ms Jones (fictional name) emails me about how Joey (fictional name) is at Mynar Correctional (fictional name) and she is worried that she has not heard from him in a month, I will write a blog or email her back about the general subject, not the specifics that she gave.

In doing that, I will be able to reach many others, while answering (or attempting to answer) her question. My goal is to give you faith, to give you hope and strength, so you can endure this and even encourage your loved one in prison.

This is not about giving up folks, this is about supporting one another. I could not tell you these things unless I myself have lived through it. So for what it is worth, wherever you are reading this, my cell door is open. My most sincere desire is to help you, and with God’s grace and mercy, I believe I can.

Trust me folks, you can get through this.