Finally,
he was able to call home. God, I just can not explain it, when I
answer, and I hear the beginning of the recorded message, "You have a
call from...." And my baby always says "I love you Baby" instead of his
name. As soon as I heard it, I just began crying. Lately, it is like I
miss him more than I ever have. It feels as if I am having a hard time
breathing without him, doing anything without him. I really hate this,
this constant state of loneliness. Being here, trying so hard to raise
our kids, work, maintain a house, doing all of this without him here,
is just weighing on me now more than ever. Day in and day out, I face
the same things alone.
But, tonight at least I got a phone call.
Talking to him was great, feeling his love was exactly what I needed. I
want more, as always. He has still not heard anything, and we are just
hoping that he will be home by Christmas time. He keeps telling me that
it will be ok, and they can't keep him forever, but ya know, it doesn't
feel alright.
Right now, nothing feels alright. He is not here, my
best friend and I are on a "break" (which we all know means no longer
friends), my family is barely here, I am very much alone. Everyday, I
stand alone. Although, it is not as bad as it could be, right? At least
I have some light at the end of my tunnel, because someday, someday
soon, Joe will be home.