Missing him is tough

arhunt — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 17:56:00 GMT

I am always awake before my alarm goes off at 5am. It is visitation day and I can't wait. Within an hour, I am showered, dressed and on the road. It is only 75 miles but the highway seems to stretch forever.

Driving through the small towns I never knew existed used to be exciting. Now, I wonder if the people I pass by know where I am heading, know who I am going to visit,and judge me. I resent these towns now, and the people I see as well. I begin to think of the visit. How he will smile and know, if only for a few hours, we are together in this world again.

The visits follow a schedule now. I check in at 8am. Board the van to the visiting room at 8:30am. Go thru security screening. Assigned to a table. Now, I rush to the vending machines to buy as much food as I can with the $20 I am allowed to spend. All the other wives are in a race to the vending machines as well. You would think they would fill the damn things up! Within 30 minutes the machines are empty.

By 9am, the first husbands appear. I always wonder if they have forgotten to call Carl's building....but, eventually he shows!

The greeting is always the same, then conversation, and eating. I hate to look in the direction of the clock. The hands seem to move so fast!

A couple times each visit I can see in Carl's face that he knows this is only temporary. It saddens my heart. We are both in a prison. His with bars, mine with tears.

As the 2:00 hour comes we smile, laugh as all the others do. We make plans for next week; pictures he wants me to bring, information to share with the attoney, maybe even candy to sneak in. We hug, kiss and walk away...always catching each other looking back....one last smile.

Once we are all back on the van, back to our cars, there is silence, some weeping.

Another week has passed.

jolene

Missing him is tough