18th October, 2007
10:12 A.M.
Been 3 days since my last entry and something has been jumping. My blood got
to boiling 2 days ago after I received a kite from my Homeboy over in
C-section. Apparently his neighbor and a guy above him have been
"jooging" at him in the vent. Well, his neighbor "jammed"
my homeboy up and they had words. So his neighbor says first thing smokin' he's
going to get him. Now, my homie is not a punk, but he only has 9 months left to
go home. Sometimes if you get out your house they try to get you with a free
world Escape case. That's another 5 years, and I don't want him to catch time.
It's funny though cause his neighbor is A) Snitch B) A "Catch Out". I
know for a fact cause I was over here when he did it. So now he wants to try to
fight my homie, but run from another fool. I've gone told "Chino" to chill out,
let that fool try first!!!!! The fool is T.C.B (Texas Chicano Brotherhood). We
just got done beating them up!!! The dumb ass is going to get *** started
again.
Next issue T.D.C.J. has done it again. Anything to keep us down there're going
to do it. Now, we are not longer allowed to send out handkerchiefs. It is now
contraband to draw on handkerchiefs and send them out. It's bullshit plain and
simple. They do this so we are forced to buy art pads & art boards, which
are a lot more expensive than handkerchiefs. They said something about not
being able to send out cards, either. But, why sell art pads, or art paper if
we can't send out or make cards? I'm gonna see if I can send mine out cause its
art paper. "Indio"
just send one out but his is commissary bought card paper. So we'll see. Monday
when I try. Enough for now, my hand hurts, did master sheets for 6 hrs. Hope I
win today & tomorrow. 800 pushups on the line :).
21st October, 2007
12:49 A.M.
Quick entry. Really just wanted to start off next week (this wk, sorry : ))
entry. Thanks giving just around the corner. Boy, I'm still upset that we
cannot send things out anymore. They are forcing us to spend $2.50 on bullshit
art boards. Every year for 5 years I've sent home to Val and Haley a
handkerchief. Now, I'm not allowed. Hopefully this bullshit won't last. Hmmm
Oh. Jimmy just slid back from the Blast, Again. He needs to get his heart
right. Square business. Got a Cappuccino and mintstick coming in the morning :
) Might have some coffee coming too. One more month and Ill be able to make store!!! Gonna bust a
$20 Hygiene off the jump. Well, that's about all "Coast to Coast" is
going to be good. I'm out!!!!
2nd November, 2007
10:08 P.M.
Real quick entry. This "T.S." fool went to "cell
warrior-ing" w/ "Flaco". It reminded me why I do not like these
"families". They use to play, and Flaco was "jooging" at
him, fool wants to catch an attitude and tell him not to mess with him.
Wants to play when he wants. No no it don't go like that. I almost got in
the door cuase I thought the fool took a shot at me. But I think and pretty
confident he knows better. It's really nothing for me to beat him down. Don't
want o, won't unless provoked, but its really nothing. Anyways, tired of that.
My patience is going. I know within the next 30 days I'll be going to store and
I can't wait. I gotta re-stock my hygiene. That's all I'm really worried about.
Hmmm. They let my card go out too. That was good. I heard they letting certain
handkerchiefs go out too, but must have approval of mailroom. I guess my
grievance step #1 did something after all. I won't take all the credit though
cause about 80-100 fools filed on it. Sad in a sense cause this is a 4000 man
unit. Only a fraction of us filed. Need more unity amongst inmates. Last,
yesterday we had Ms. Strichard working. She is one of those officers who are
power hungry and likes to do things her way instead of the right way. It was 23
degrees F outside. Rained & sleeted all night. We are not supposed to be
put outside in under 30 degree weather. She knew this, but yet still tried. She
knew damn good and well it wasn't supposed to go down, especially with ice on
the rec yard. Well she got what she wanted. Everyone V.R.ed., but we try to
call rank down here. She knew she was wrong. So did Dixon & Sicks. Dixon refused to work
with her after lunch. For real. Even he said she wrong. Anyways point to this
is I'll be facing a case soon, unfortunately, because we are writing her &
Sicks ups an a Step #1 grievance. We know with out a shadow of a doubt she is
going to retaliate. She is know for this. She took 2 radios, 3 hot pads and at
least 6 pairs of headphones in one day, off one section (only 14 people). They
wrote her up about 3 weeks before. So I've got to duck low under her radar,
cause I'm going to be a target. Damn. At least they'll be 5 of us who'll file
on her again if she trips. If hell. When she trips. I thought she was going to
roll my neighbor cause they had words. Anyways that's the last 2 days.
4th November, 2007
11:48 P.M.
Waiting on "Coast to Coast". Day has been long. Seemed to go slow.
I'm hoping that rumor I heard yesterday isn't true cause if it is there'll be a
racial conflict soon. How can one group, or race, of people get mad because 2
other groups are at war? Mad because they getting locked down for 3 or 4 days.
This isn't a day care center. It's prison. Stupidity like this is why we don't
have a lot of benefits other prison systems have. We want to police each other,
what about the laws? They're the ones putting a foot on our necks. I'm aged
because I don't want a racial issue right now. Us and T.S. are at war. P.R.M
and Aztec's are at War. T.C.B. (Brotherhood) & T.C.B. (Bombers) are war.
There is still animosity between San Antonio Tango & Mexican Mafia. My
writing this makes me wonder A) why? B) is it worth it C) will it unify my
race? I can answer the last. NO. I'm tired of this unit, seriously. So much
Bullshit. Got about 3 more years left, at most. Can't wait till Feb for S.C.C.
Actually can't wait till Jan to make store. Well TACO BELL has an E. Coli out
break. Terrorist attack?? Oh, last thing. Sundays, picks, I blew up 8 losses.
Got to start paying more attention. Can't believe S.F. played the way they did.
7th November, 2007
4:05 P.M.
I'm out of shape!!! Sore from working out yesterday so I decided to do some
shadow-boxing today. Was only able to go 7 minutes. One round of 4 min. 45 sec
rest 3 min round. I tried to go again for another 3 min round but I couldn't
even lift my arms. My jab was low, low looowwww. Kind of funny though cause I
told my self 4 rounds (12 minutes). So, I've got to work on that. On that
racial issue, lil' bird told me. They've been talkin' it out. Gooooddd!!!!
Don't want to be locked down for X-mas. Stayed in today cause Bruns worked.
Surprise!!!! He didn't do any shake down. I own "Cosmo" 200 pushups.
I also have a hundred pushups on the game tonight. Go Pittsburg!!! Last, I hope I get a letter
tonight. I need one. Especially from home. Anyways, nothing else happening,
more later!
10 November, 2007
11:10 A.M.
Me and my boy Cosmo went head to head today early this morning. Over
bullshit. We squashed it, but point is we live beside each other for a year.
Our quirks are getting to one another. We too close to have an actually fall
out. But they say opposites attract & likeness repels. Anyways
"Flaco" had a fall out with that "T.S." fool. It was a
simple one on one confrontation but, and this strengthens my position on
"families" now the rest of "T.S." doesn't mess with him
anymore (Flaco). Sissy's!!! Well it's Sunday, game day!!! Let's go 49ers!!! Oh
and this is silly but true. I know x-mas carols except a few. Some get on my
nerves so I never bothered to learn them. 12 days of Christmas is one of these.
Can't stand the damn song. Always tune out when I hear it. Well I'm learning it
now. Cosmo teaching me. My favorite carol is "The Drummer Boy". Man,
I need Dec. to end. I need to get to store and stock up on my hygiene. Savage
business. Last little note, the girl I wrote early last week, I'm hoping to
hear from her soon. Did 2 cards. Both came out good but one get fucked up on
the back, must of put it in some dried coffee by accident. And it came out so
good!!! Ah!!! Time to set up. Go Frisco!!!
Well, blew up 'Frisco lost : ( San Diego Won. Caught a case. Boy frustrated
as hell cause I was slipping. I misplaced something, went to shower & they
"kicked doored". They found it and now I'm looking at 15-30. I do NOT
need this ***. Seriously, I'm going to try to plea bargain. *** 15-15. I need
my hygiene. Sure I can fly till Feb and I can get the homeboys to look out, but
*** I don't need this. Oh well. Slips count in our world.
12 November, 2007
1:00 P.M.
Nothing going on really. I know my case hasn't gone "Major" cause
no major case worker has come to investigate. Oh well, as I said. Made $2
yesterday. Sold 2 pair of commissary socks. They were just taking up space so I
said "why not?". This offcer named Lagne (pronounced Lane) came back
to Seg from population. Said there was too much snitching out there. Ha! He
snitches on fellow officers. He shock me down today. I guess he just wanted to
make his presence known. Hmmm. They should pass out cards soon. End of this
week or next. I need to get started on this handkerchief, but have been
bullshitting. Gonna starch it tonight if I can get an extra milk. Got to have
it done by the 20th. No later. Oh last thing. I hate I did it but I had to step
on Flaco's neck. He wants me to shot me a kit trying to check ME. I tied off in
my kite back to the fool. He's semi-stupid or has no sense cause he trips over
stupid ***. I don't like having to put on my "jump out boot" on
people like that. B.S to the side, I think he's " retarded. Long story
short, he apologized and seen the light.
14 November, 2007
10:32 A.M.
Boy, I found out some distressing news. Deodorant went up $0.80. $1.05 to
$1.85. I've told everyone T.D.C.S. needs money so they gonna tax us. *** we
need, hygiene has all gone up at least $0.50. Talk about nickel and diming a
fool to death. They fucked off my whole commissary list. Anyways,
"Coast" was good last night. Talkin' about the Great Pyramids and how
the dudes theory says angels made them, which makes more sense than Egyptians.
Hell yeah! Cake today, pineapple cake. I fucked up the handkerchief I was doing
. I was so made I flushed it. Gonna see if "B.B.Q." has a spare one.
I really want to send one to the family and one to my wife and daughter. I wish
I could send one to Tony but Patti isn't letting me have contact. No surprise
there. I've resigned myself to the fact my little boy will never really know
me. I only had about 2 years with him. He's 12 now. So, it kills me but its not
my fault. Well at first, getting locked up was. Anyways, no more of that. Wake
up feeling like "UUGH". Not going anywhere either "V.R.
2x's". Well 11 days till X-Mas "HERE COMES WARDEN COOK HERE COMES
WARDEN COOK, get out of Warden Cook's way" DEE DE DEE DUM DE DUM DUM (sing
to tune here comes Santa Claus : )
17th November, 2007
8:10 A.M.
Count down to X-Mas. Been awake for almost 18 hours. Gonna pain freak cause
it game day. My '49ers beat Seattle!!!
Hell yeah! They don't play today but S.D. and Oakland play. Come on S.D.!!! I went vs. OAK.
They trash. Man to think this is the very first year I've been kept up with
football my whole life. I usually hate it cause I'm a boxing and
kickboxing/Martial arts person. But once I've learned, its fun. Basketball too.
Lakers were in double O.T. vs Rockets. Both are teams I favor so I didn't
choose.
Let's see what else has been going on the last 3 days. Still waiting on that
magic letters and kind of hoping that girl from N.Y. writes back. Mandy too
cause I'm dying to know, or rather remember who she is. Oh yea, decided to send
a bunch of cards to P.E. to clear out excess. Yeah! I remember got my Step #1
back, Huntsville
overturned it's decision all the way on cards & handkerchiefs. That's
gravy!! I'm hungry they need to come on with chow. Anyways, Cosmo has come out
the shower and Skully is in the day room. Time to talk football!!! Go 49ers (I
already know they aren't in the playoffs but anyways!)
19 November, 2007
8:04 P.M.
How do I start?? I'm awe struck, speechless and coming from me that's saying
something. Okay let's try. Every year the Christian community of Abilene gets together a
little something for us prisoners. For the past 5 years the thought alone is
what counted because the "gift" was usually apple & oranges, a
bar of soap, toothpaste and a couple pieces of candy. I'm not one of these
fools who complain thought cause of 2 things. It shows some still care and that
is the most important. Second received something is better than nothing.
Sometimes I question the outside world on the harshness and bitterness shown to
prisoners around the U.S.
I question if anyone truly cares for us unfortunate who really don't have A) a
close family B) anyone at all. Sometimes I question our father and fate. I
question faith and generosity. Cynical sometimes. And it always seems, in some
way, I'm answered. Tonight I was answered, checked, put in my place and
humbled. I say all that because I know me, or the old me, I would of never done
what these people have done. Think and calculate as I have. Each bag contained
at least $12 worth of blessings. Multiply that by 2,600 and you get $17,600.
That's how much for my unit alone. Next door we have Middleton Unit. They
provide for them too. All in the spirit of Christmas. Man I'm rambling cause I
don't know how to say in words what I'm feeling. Funny, cause here is " of
what it is. From a complete stranger, I feel cared for. Like I'm somebody
again, not a #. Like I still matter. That some in the world still care.
(Ah back door!!!!) Mail call read my P.E. letter. Damn I feel good. So gary
and all, damn "Thank you"! From the bottom of my heart. I'm a
religious person, kind of, and I feel he's trying to tell me something this
year. The kindness of the church, the kindness of all at prisoners express, to
a girl sending me a card. A girl I don't even remember. It's a radical night. I
don't pray after one gives thanks to my Father. But tonight I will. I remember
some still care now. I see...I don't know??? I see I'm touched by kindness, and
it doesn't happen after. I'm speechless.
23 December, 2007
7:34 P.M.
Got letters yesterday. 5 of them. My baby sisters, all of them. Usually its
only Patience. Hope's little card hurt a little though, I won't be. I spoiled
the *** out of there 3 almost so bad as Haley & Pony. She asked if I would
make a better choice next time. How do you explain something like that an 11
year old. Who really doesn't understand? What about Haley when she gets old
enough to ask. Well I'm going to try. The toher, Patience & RBaby's cards
were uplifting. Dad's letter was hilarious. Momma didn't write this year, oh
gotta find out what's up with that. This is the first time in 6 years. I also
got a letter from Aryana and a picture she pained. I can tell I'm going to
enjoy writing her. She seems very intelligent and knowledgeable. Also seems
very mature. That's terrific!!! Gonna write her after I make store. I'm not
trying to buy stamps. Next, tomorrow is X-Mas Eve, I'm going to
"V.R." 2x's tomorrow. It's someday & Seriously. Patience's letter
cracks me up. I know I'm jumping back n-forth. Anyways, long-n short, gonna
write everyone week after next. Ah an a closting note. Mandy wrote me too, so
I've got to write her.
25 December, 2007
1:04 A.M.
Merry Christmas!! My ticket blew up!! Lets see, if I was in the world, first
would have been MASS then to Apa's house for presents there. Christmas morning
my house for my family opening. Haley is 6, so Barbies etc, Ponyboy is 12 so
P.S.3 or X-Box. Valerie would of got jewelry and probably some sexy lingerie.
Brothers misc. Man, I'm not depressed, down, but not depressed. I wrote Aryana
today. Oh *** we won 2nd place!! She seems like a real good person. She has
talent in drawing or painting. I think she's smart and mature. Feels good to
have someone to write to. Hope it goes on for a while. Started a rough draft on
my letter to Hope. I need to get it just right so there is no misunderstanding.
Man, but it feels good to hear from the rascals. By the way, what is Emo?
Patience says she's not emo. It seems funny though on one level because I've only
been gone for 6 years. There is so much that's changed in that time. In here we
see changes rarely. Usually it's in rules, but for the most part we remain
unchanged. I couldn't imagine getting out of prison right now. I think it would
scare me, at least a little. I have 2 life sentences stocked. 60 Years. I can
only pray I'm dead by that time. Well, tonight before bed I'm gonna pray. Every
year, tonight is a must. It's wrong I know, but I feel the Father will listen
to me at least tonight. I'm a sinner. I know it. I try not to exceed, if you
could understand. I cuss, lust, lie and other sins. I try not to lie, but I'm
not going to snitch on myself to an officer. But I will not use the Father's
name in vain, or really any of the 10 commandments I try never to break.
Tonight I ask for forgiveness for those sins. I'm not a hypocrite. I won't
waste His time asking to forgive me for swearing, cussing or listening because
I know I will still do it. I've stated before, earlier in this journal, that
I'm trying to change my ways. I haven't stopped, I'm still striving for my
goal. I refused to be pulled into arguments, or let myself lose my temper. I
refuse to be pulled into politics. I'm trying. Tonight is my prayer night, for
sure. Tonight I lose myself in memories. Tonight I say I'm truly sorry for what
went down 6 years ago exactly four days from now. But that's all the down. I've
said it, I'm a religious person. Tonight I put down, or away my cynical side,
my bad side, figuratively speaking, and rejoice. Jesus was born this day about
2006 years ago.
27 December, 2007
1:42 A.M.
That day is almost here. 2 more days. Not a day goes by that I don't wish
for that day back. I would say "stop"!! I would of never agreed,
knowing now what I know. Life is to valuable, all life. If I could, I'd tell
the families "I'm sorry". But being a realist sorry wouldn't bring
back what was taken. You can't heal a wound like we afflicted with sorry.
Sitting here I just had a memory flash back. When my Grandma Francis came to Betton
from Fresno.
We, me, her, my dad & mom and Lupe went to the cemetery to see my Uncle
Poldie. Clear as day I can remember sitting in the van as Apa & Grandma got
out to go to the headstone. She took about 8 steps and broke down. Her son was
taken from her and it was about 18 yeas before Apa was 16 and Uncle Poldie was
17. I remember he was crying too.
Another one. Lupe was learning to play the guitar. Apa had Uncle Poldie's
guitar in the shed. Apa sitting in his chair hugging that guitar, crying for
his brother.
Son of a ***!! No, "I'm sorry" Wouldn't mean *** to those
families. Do I blame them for spitting on Lucky & Wizard??? No, not really.
It was their only form of retaliation. Did I like it. No. But I understand.
Doesn't hurt them, those families, that they were advised by the D.A. and my
lawyer not to give an impact statement at my hearing. I know they wanted to
lash out. Damn me etc... Tell me how much they lost. Thing is, I know, I've
seen it. Everyone lost. I'll never hold my wife & kids again. They'll never
know me and I them. My family, Apa and Moma and Baby sisters will never get
another 24 hours with me. I'll be here, not allowed to attend the funeral, if
any of my family, kids or immediate family dies. We all lost. They, those
families, a little more.
Now I'm in prison. A place like not other. Murderers, robbers, drug dealers
are " assed idolized. Killers are the top of the order. Rapists and child
molesters at the bottom. Walk around with a case like mine and am accepted. Am
I proud? No, hell no. I wane back and forth. I went the distance for my blood.
They put my blood in jeopardy and I went the distance. I protected my family.
Regardless I was coming to prison behind this ***. The only question was who
was it going to be. The 2 who jeopardized my family or Bear's family, who Lucky
and Bear was working for. Bear's family who was talking about talking care of
all 4. Lucky, Bear and the other 2 who jacked that product. There I am once
again trying to justify my action. They were wrong. Wrong. I wish I could turn
back time. I wish I didn't feel as if I needed to justify myself my biggest
wish. I wish for that day back. I wish, I wish, I wish.
31 December, 2007
9:00 A.M.
The 29th came and went. Stayed in all day and reflected. Now today I caught
a case. Went to shower and Ms Pritchard shook me down. Oh well. I'm not
tripping. I'm still going to store Wednesday. Today is the last week of
football (official week). It's been a good year!! Just wrote Satonka a four
page letter venting my frustration of getting the case. That's why I'm like, oh
well!! Over 6 months with out a case so it'll be minor. 15-30 (15 commissary,
30 rec.). She took my antenna. I really don't have nothing to talk about. Just
waiting on the games. Prison is heating up. I won't put nothing down cause its
still brewing and it doesn't have anything to do with me or mine. I said before
I was going to leave this *** alone and I have : ) More later.
2 January, 2008
10:42 A.M.
So pissed off right now. These fools always fuckin' us over every chance
they get. Our store day was today, Tuesday. Well since that president died and
Bush declared a holiday, these commissary workers use it as an excuse for
another day off. Cool. We go to store Wednesday, right? No. They want to change
our *** to Thursday. By that time that fucking case will of caught up to me.
So I'll be stuck out for a fucking month. I'm going to chalk that *** Ms
Pritchard up every time she works. She is friggin' hateful and a power freak.
That *** gives her power. Officers like that is what makes time hard. Those
officers get beat down. They *** with us because they can. So then we
shouldn't have ***, and they try to make it happen. So when we get pushed to
the point of break and we react, the only way we can, because paper work don't
do *** (criminal vs. officer criminal loses 98%), we are wrong. Society
fucking forgets, just because people are put in control, power, or given a
responsibility, doesn't clear them up. Just gives those folks a way to exert,
or take out, their problems. So it day in, day out. Officers have problems at
home, and bring the *** here and take it out on us. We can't do ***. They say
file paper work. What's that going to do? They don't believe us.
"No-qidera" they say, or "insufficient evidence". "No action
warranted". Little *** like this. We've got no win with the system. So we
do what we do best, operate our way & we wrong. Always. Never mind what
they do to deserve it. I don't care what society says. A person gets what they
deserve. Period.
8 January, 2008
6:33 P.M.
Second entry of the new year. So much has happened. I was mad the last entry
and was venting. But regardless officers shouldn't be like that and the admin.
Should weed those fools out. Well I got 10-15 (10 rec. 15 comm.). But, I still
made store. Boy the family blessed me. I wasn't even prepared. I'm gonna go to
store again. 2x's. Well I could drop it all at once but I'm going to space it
out. Okay. Next. The officer is ?, or in the last entry (Ms. Pritchard) is
always in trouble. I think rank is still getting tired of all the Step #1's
dropped on her. Okay. Next: Oh boy! 6 month shake down. We on lock down right
now. Been down 2 days. We'l probably get got Thur. or Fri. That's code all my
stuff is legit. Had to buy a new dipole antenna.
A new song. It's country "Alisa Lies", I almost cried. Tears
almost came to my eyes. It's so sad. But on truth. A father, or hell any parent
will feel that song. I'm going to try to get the lyrics. I may seem cold
hearted to a lot of things, but its only on exterior shell that I've used all
my life. My interior, through, is soft and always will be towards children.
Why, or how, could a person beat up, hurt, molest or in any way harm a child???
I don't believe in "temporary insanity" please when it comes to kid
cases. Sons of bitches need to be buried, underneath the prisons. "Alisa
Lies" if you truly listen to the words, the meaning with all your heart,
you'd understand & you'd be moved too. That's coming from a convict.
14 January, 2008
12:11 A.M.
Gonna catch up from the 8th. Once again a lot has happened. First and
foremost, they upped and moved my boy "B.B.Q." that was about 4 days
ago. Boy I was sick. Me and him were close as homeboys and in proximity. Now
its just me and "Cool Aid Smile". Homeboy is in C-Section. They moved
Q all the way off the Pod. He's up on B-Pod now. So, that's new and kind of
depressing. We were cool out in population too. Okay, that's that.
Next. We are on lock-down for our 6 month shake down. We got shook-down
today. All my stuff got found. Everything. Good thing was, it was all throw
away only. No case! Boy I was so happy. Even if I would of got a case I
couldn't be mad this time because it was my fault. Hell, I would have been
rolled to 7-pod. Man I would have been sick. Blessings come when we need them.
My boy "Cosmo" dman near got rolled too. They found his stuff too. I
wouldn't believe they tripped the way they did though. This card is usually
laid back, they were writing cases like crazy. They wrote "Chop chop"
up for a tattoo gun. He's " dead and dying, no bullshit (I've spoken with
him before about 8 or 9 months ago. They took him to the hospital then brought
him back and I expressed outrage!). They know damn good and well it's not his,
but they still wrote him up. Crazy! Okay last. Waiting on my pen-pal Aryana to
write. I send her a card with the last letter, but I feel as if I was Bsing. I
told her I could draw and sent her a card? So, I did a handkerchief for her. If
I don't hear from her in a few days I'll *** it to her anyways. Hope I haven't
scared her off. Last letter was 4 pages. Still waiting on Many fro S.A. Hope
she writes too. Oh!! Last 4 real. Should be getting a letter and message from
home too! This week! That's it. I'm out.
18 January, 2008
12:26 A.M.
Well same ol, same ol. Still waiting on breakfast. They sewed cases today. 3
people got them on my section. We go to store today. That's good because I'm
out of coffee. Aggravated because I can't go this week. Think I scared off
Aryana. I did a handkerchief for her. Gonna send it regardless to her. Don't
like saying I'm going to do something and not do it. So, I didn't get a message
tonight. Kind of upset about that. They, my family, said they were going to
call. Kind of had my hopes up. Gotta stop that ***. This is my last entry so I
can send this off. Time to start new.
28 January, 2008
10:48 P.M.
How about those Colts and Peyton Manning??!! S.O.B!!! That was a classic
game. Bears and Colts Super Bowl 41!! I got my popcorn ready, do you?? So let's
see I was hoping for some mail, but didn't get any. I'm not surprised. We are
not big writers and family closeness really didn't fin in our repertoire. Don't
get me wrong, we have each other but we just aren't really close. If I could
change one thing, only 1 thing, in my life, it would be getting close to my
family. But anyways. I just sent Aryana a handkerchief, hope she likes it. Got
another fool on our pod from my home city. He's over with Chino. I'm bored. I'm probably going to do
another card tonight. Got to do something, or else I'll go nuts. Going to buy a
chess board on store day. Something to occupy my time. Yeah, I'm going to a
card. Oh yeah, up to 15 min straight when I shadow box. My goal is 30 min
straight, have it down by summer.
23 January, 2008
2:00 A.M.
Real bad news. Being in Ad. Seg means "total lock-down". We stay
in our houses 23 hours a day. Outdoors do not roll with out an officer or 2
present. It is not suppose to. Understood, these officers are humans, so some
are lazy and trusting. Every now and then you'll get an officer who will
"pop" (unlock) the shower door and let you walk, unaided to your
house. I say all this so anyone reading this will understand the bad news I was
talking about.
I am a BLASTER. TANGO BLAST is what I represent. Houston to be specific. We rep our cities
(H-town D-town Forthworth, A-TX, West TX).
Okay here it is, we are not liked by prison "families" because we
don't bow down to them. Let's put it this way. We are T.D.C.J. deterrent
against all families. Race of families doesn't matter. So saying this, we are
at "War" with a prison family right now. In Ad. Seg is where
confirmed family members are put for the rest of their sentence. They never get
out. BLASTERS do. So you can imagine what Ad Seg is like.
You have at least 1 of every family on a section. At least 1. I've got one
down on one row with me (one of the ones were at war with). I was sent a kite
(small letter) stating that when this guy was let out the shower, he stopped at
my door trying to get it rolled. In other words the fool was trying to get at
me. I asked my boy and he said that didn't happen. I'm more apt to believe my
neighbor than the fool who shot the kite, but regardless I've had to take
steps, precautionary steps. I kept the kite, showed it to one of my homeboys
that works back here. He's passing words as I write. I'm going to shoot it to
my other homeboy so he can see also. So, now if my door does "pop"
and me and that fool do throw down I was in the right and they tripped first. I
really don't want it to, but its one of the cons of being down with someone.
From this point on I will be awake during the day, from at least 7 or 8 A.M. to
6 P.M. Then I'll be safe. The fool doesn't want to come in when I'm awake,
because it's even. He wants to catch me while I'm asleep. ***, this sucks.
One last thing. Got a letter from Roo Baby. She sent me a picture too. Gonna
write her tomorrow. More on the above subject later.
25 January, 2008
2:33 P.M.
More developing on that issue. But first let me speak from my heart. I
really hate this. It's senseless. For real. All this could be avoided if
T.D.C.J. just put as all together. Each group separate on different Pods and
sections. I'm not saying this because I'm scare of this fool down the run. I'm
not. Push comes to shove I know exactly what's going down and it does not bear
good news for 'ol boy. I'll defend myself to the MAX. Anyways, I just see it as
stupid. Lust found out though its not the first time he's tried to get in my
house. Fool has a death with just that simple. The person who told me in
neutral, so I won't his name or handle down on paper. Word is flying out to
"population". "Game on". I wish we could of
"squashed" it in population so it wouldn't carry over back here. Damn
I'm tired of this unit and its B.S. I just want to do my lil ol time and get
back to "population". I'm actually praying nothing happens. I don't
want to do the rest of my time in Ad. Seg. Nor do I really want to go to
"death row", but I will. When I come up for S.C.C. next month, I'm gonna
see if I can get shipped down south. Change of scenery, change of tempo. All I
ask, give me strength, give me patience. On a closing note, as a precautionary
measure, I'm up from 6 A.M. to 6 P.M. until April when this fool leaves.
28 January, 2008
3:43 P.M.
I've gotten mail 2 days in a row. Roo Baby wrote me. Aryana wrote me and
Mandy also. I've finally remembered who Mandy was. She said my brother "8
Ball" lived with her. I know everyone he lived with. I'm going to write
her tomorrow, because I don't have any stamps. Aryana and Roo got their letters
last week. Aryana just came back from the Dominican Republic. She sent me a
picture. I'm hoping she likes my handkerchief. Super Bowl is coming up next
Sunday. We really need to win. I could sure use that "Pot". Not
really much to say. Days been the same. I have kicked up my workout. I shadow
box for 20 minutes, pretty much straight with out rest. I'm sore as hell right
now. Been working it out all day. Next time I stretch. Come on S.C.C. I want to
get out of Ad. Seg. I probably won't make it this time, but I'm damn sure going
to try. Thinking I'll have to do at least 5 years. I don't want to, but I'm
ready for the long haul. Last, I received some comics the other night. They
were hilarious. Doing 2 cards. One for P. Express and one for that girl who
shot them to me. Hope she likes it. Well that's all, more later.
30 January, 2008
1:59 P.M. ~ 2:00 P.M.
Went to store today. Feels good to look in my locker and see the back. They
did get my for my chessboard. They were out. Just wrote Mandy. Page and 1/2.
Sending it out in the morning. Finished the cards I was working on. Send em off
first thing too. Really nothing going on, waiting on the Super Bowl. Everyone
is really. It's all the hype on the news right now. Speaking of which, I'm out,
so I can tune in to ESPN. Send these entries off ASAP.
31 January, 2008
9:42 A.M.
For some reason I feel tension in the air. I think ol' boy is going to try
and get me door rolled so we can fight. I could be acting paranoid but there is
something up in the air, no doubt. I won't work out until 5 P.M. just in case.
I hope that's not what it is. If I've got to I'm going to hurt ol' boy. The
reason I say this is because the guy next door and this guy over here have been
shooting kites back-n-forth. *** can happen.
Damn I was trying to be good, so I could get out of Ad. Seg. Speaking of
which I come up for S.C.C. in 2 weeks. I don't have my hopes up because I don't
have 2 years done yet, but I'm going to try. Hey Big Jerry came out 2 times in
6 days! I was over here and year and he never came out. Now it's becoming a
habit. He's alright. A comedian. He's going right now. Well on the first issue
we'll see, but I think I'm right.
1 February, 2008
4:00 P.M.
It went like this (referring to 1-31-07). We're at war. Us and them. Usually
though we don't even look at each other. No, he didn't try to get in my house,
but if looks could kill I wouldn't be writing this entry. Like I said we don't
even make eye contact but yesterday I was " right. Something was in the
air. They were made, seriously pissed, because of their "cardinals"
(Spanish for brother) got smashed. It's one thing to beat up a
"prospect" or flunky, it's a whole another thing to do it to a
"brother". Word has it it was one who had serious "rank" in
their family. Yesterday he and I were "Masking" (making I'm gonna
kill you faces) at each other, seriously. I know he wanted to come in. I was
ready and I think that put hesitation in his step. He discharges in 60 days,
I'm going to die in here. He knows I have nothing to lose, while he has
everything. I'm not saying it to brag. It's a fact of like that actually draws
a line here in prison.
Those who care (are able to go home), and those who don't care (Life
sentences 50 and up). I just hope the next 60 days go smooth. I DO NOT want to
have to act. All of this aggravates me. Why can't prison population just chill
out? Why do we always feel we have to flex our muscles? No wonder why we're
considered society's outcasts. Sometimes I wish it was all over. Fast forward
life to my end. Just get tired of this ***. Maybe it is just Ad. Seg, or maybe
I'm screwing up?? One or the other is gonna give. Oh on an ending note.
Something good, I guess, it snowed like a m-fer today. Its still snowing. The
weather said RAIN not snow. Snow means COLD and for a boy from California cold means
HIBERNATION. I'm out.
4 February, 2008
10:31 A.M.
I got 8 " with the Bears. Go CHICAGO!!!
I need it to be a close, low scoring game. Everyone is waiting on kickoff. Me?
I'm waiting on lunch. Just did 20 min of shadow boxing. Non-stop. Well as the
issue on 2-1-07. Still the same. We made a couple of faces at each other within
the last couple of days. More on his side then mine. I'm just biding my time
like a spider. But like I said, I won't act unless forced. I really hate even
talking about it cause the war is over nothing. In fact I was telling Homeboy
last night at breakfast. He has a kite for me from population. It's so stupid,
they've done forgotten "Why". I had to remind homeboy. Stupid kid
***. I've actually been entertaining thoughts of going "solo". I'm
getting tired of this. But the bad thing is, not while a war is going on That
makes me look bad. Maybe if I hit another unit as screwed up as this. Oh! Chow
is here. Meatballs, AGAIN.
12:41 P.M.
They're rolling doors and letting us walk un-escorted. We'll see. We've been
looking at each other again. That's all for now. I'll write back in a couple of
hours.
1:04 P.M.
No need for 2 hours, they stopped because a certain officer came back. You
can tell by my hand writing my adrenaline was/is raging. They're taking ol' boy
out the day room. So close, but yet so far, which is good. 48 more days until
he goes home. Then maybe I can relax. That's it for now until I can write.
8 February, 2008
3:14 P.M.
Gonna give it a couple days until I put the date. I don't want the wrong
person to read this and get the officers in trouble who worked the day before.
Well let's see. Yeah, I damn sure thought it was going down. He wanted it, I
could tell. I really don't, truth be told, but won't shy away either. Boy it
was like throwing gas line on a red-hot ember, my adrenaline surge. As soon as
I seen them opening doors, I went to putting my hot-pot (coffee pot) and radio
away (along with headphones) because they can be used as weapons. I cleared my
floor of all obstructions, and socked up my dominoes. He was watching me,
" ass. He saw me putting up my electrical appliances, and I know he heard
me socking up my dominoes. That night there was a very distinctive sound. I
know it sounds unfair, me with dominoes in a sock. He's 5'10 165 or 170 lbs,
and with possibly with a knife. I'm 5'5" 140 lbs. Unfair? I don't care. My
life, my well-being, my security all comes first. It's self-defense. Anyways I
said 48 more days. Actually 24, because on A-card there is a 98% chance nothing
will happen really as I think of it, its really on a scale of 100%, I only have
a, at most, 6% change. That's too much. Gonna stay awake regardless. Life is
exciting, and I'm fucking hating it.
11 February, 2008
2:10 P.M.
Well, boring day. It's been a few days since the last couple of days.
Nothing really new. That guy I always keep talking about? Well he started
shadow boxing too. I threw out a "fishing line" at another guy who
works out hard. Asked him if he was doing it. He said "no". He knew
why I was asking. Oh! Well! Come on S.C.C. I think I'm going to move around. So
prevent me getting in trouble, I'll avoid it. I'm not scared, I just don't want
to do more time in Ad. Seg. Than I have to. I know I keep "harping"
on this subject. I don't want to, but it's A) the only thing going on in my
life, B) aggravating the hell out of me. It frustrates me. Always having to
watch this fool, changing my night schedule to accommodate this threat. And
he's not a threat, not really. He, I feel, is going to try it empty handed, I'm
not. Man, this bullshit shouldn't even be happening. All because
"Smiley". Well, the game is called, and I'm a pro. Like it or not I'm
playing. I give it 6 more months, maybe 8, and this should be over. Well,
moving on. On a closing, I'm going to try not to talk about this unless
something big happens. Last, I'm about to start a card, for my pen-pal. Need to
kill time.
13 February, 2008
2:33 P.M.
Tired as hell. Only slept about 4.5 hours. I really want to take a nap but I
know if I do my sleep schedule will mess up. We just went to store and I'm fat!
Fat! Full!! "Indio",
"Flaco" and myself just ate a "spread". It was good. Now
I'm sitting here writing and drinking a soda. I've got about 3 letters to go
out in the morning. About time I'm indigent. Oh! Oh! Oh! Just found out! Book 7
(Harry Potter and the Deadly Hollows) comes out on July 21st!!!! My Bday is the
14th!! Gonna be beggin, pleadin and hustling to try to get it. Gotta!! Damn,
it's about time. Hey, on a thoughtful note. What the hell is wrong with people
now?? Ol' boy in Utah
shooting up the parking lot with that shotgun and that *** in the Naval Yard
in Philly? Sometimes *** like this makes me wonder if we're not at "The
End". Armageddon right around the corner, ya dig??? Senseless.
17 February, 2008
3:23 P.M. Nothing really going on. I'm going to write Aryana tomorrow and
send her a card. Been a couple of days since I wrote. Went outside today and
was only able to play 2 games of B-ball!!! I was really winded. I figured 20
min "shadow boxing" would of given me some sort of wind, guess it
just worked stamina. Talked to "Indio"
today. Have serious thoughts of going "solo". Just tired of all the bullshit.
Found out some crap about my boy. Man it really lowers him in my eyes. He talks
about being his own man and don't get my wrong he is, its just he playing
"flunky" to "T.S." who we're smashing. Makes me wonder how
much he's told these fools what I've told him. I got close to the cat and now I
have to put distance between us, and that's messed up. Anyways, I'm also going
to write home. #7 Harry Potter comes out in July. See if I can't get it. Just
looked back over the last entries (1-21-07 to 2-17-07). Some *** I've repeated
and I now realize I keep talking about going solo. It's been on my mind so much
I want to, I see that now, but Pride well not let me in a War. RESPECT is all
you have in prison and if you start acting fake, you lose it. On the issue of
me and that fool, I see my self doubting ME. STOP!! One thing in my life I've
never feared is DEATH, and I refuse to start now. What happens, happens. Simple
as long as I stay on my "Ps and Qs" I'll be alright. On the world
issue. Yeah sometimes I wish it would end, but then I think, what about my kids
and my family??? Just because I'm roughing it I shouldn't get depressed. They
(kids and family) will always be my BRIGHT spot in Life. I just feel as if the
world is going to HELL. Those psycho Islamic extremists wanting to kill
everyone not Muslim. We all need to realize, it's a phase. Only this time
around they have better weapons than swords. It's really sad innocent people
are getting killed over in Iraq.
Especially our soldiers. They need to realize that mess over there and our
Democrats need to stop trying to flex their muscles because they're only going
to end up hurting us. Am I for the war? At one point, yes, but we did what we
needed to do. We freed them, now its time for those silly fools to sink or swim
as the U.S.
did when we were first made. THE END. Chow is here.